~A Bitter Swallow~

I think I thought-vomited in my brain a little bit...

Thought-Vomit

My brain is constantly mumbling and muttering to itself. Sometimes it screams. Sometimes what it has to say is interesting enough to make note of, or is adamant enough that it must come out. I'll put that stuff here. :)
Thursday, April 24, 2008

why oh why

What is it with my self-destructiveness? I am sick. I feel like Hell, and I am pretty sure I look it. My head is splitting in two, and I am seeing doubles. My stomach is in knots, with sharp pains shooting through it. And what do I do? I come in to work. And of course, everything is a million times amplified.. from the light, to the noise, to my nerves. I've only been here an hour, and it feels like a full 8-hour day. I have 4 more hours to go. Sweet goddess... I hope I make it.

There is something in me that just screams NO to me calling in. Not that I've never done it while working here before, just, I have to be pretty much dead to do so. Or come in and get sent home. LOL. Perhaps it's from working at the pharmacy. If someone called in, chances were it WOULDN'T get covered, and the day would just be misery for those who were there. I remember dreading when people called in, knowing that the day would just be complete madness. And because of that, I wouldn't call in unless I physically could NOT make it there, and sometimes would show up even despite that. It was not a company that looked kindly on time off. It caused too much distress within the operations of the day.

Now, KRL is nothing like that. They are very understanding of things like that. I have relaxed more about things here, but I still have that part of me that refuses to call in sick. And tomorrow, hopefully, I will feel better, or else it will start all over again, only be a longer shift...

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