It was absolutely beautiful outside yesterday. So, not being able to resist being out in it, I decided to take our dog for a walk, and went to pick my daughter up from school. That's a 3-mile hike up and down the road. Nothing was wrong with the day or the walk. As a matter of fact, it was quite incredible. The walk seemed effortless, whereas the last time I walked it, I ached for days. The day was warm with a nice breeze to keep me from getting overheated.
The only problem was with the car of youngsters that drove by. There was a time in my life where walking down the road elicited cat-calls by these same carloads. This time, however, I was subjected to the cruelty about weight. It's the first real "slam" I've had concerning this issue. And, it really messed up an otherwise perfect day.
Since I've had my son, I've struggled with my body weight. Having always been a slim girl, I didn't know how to react to this extra baggage I was carrying around. While I was pregnant, it didn't bother me too much, because I was obviously pregnant, and that was an excellent excuse. Now- there are no excuses. In the past couple years, I have really packed them on. Due to personal happenings, and the outcomes of those happenings, I became complacent and folded into myself, not to escape what was happening, but as a coming home and finally feeling like I was where I needed to be. Unfortunately, I also became sedate, and that wrecked havoc on my waistline.
Now, looking in the mirror makes me ill. To that point where I've almost literally become sick from it. I hate it. I hate trying on new clothes, because nothing fits how I want it to. It only points out to me how much I have changed in body mass. I try to diet, healthfully, and exercise, but it doesn't quite work out how it should. Our lifestyle isn't very conducive to a healthy eating pattern. And neither is the fact that I'm still waiting on an oven (which should hopefully be there by the time I get home. I'm not holding my breath for that though). My weakened state doesn't let me exercise how I'd like to, although things like that walk are much overdue and underdone.
So- now I receive the insults instead of the catcalls. It's amazing how a body can change, and what it can do to one's mindset.
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