~A Bitter Swallow~

I think I thought-vomited in my brain a little bit...

Thought-Vomit

My brain is constantly mumbling and muttering to itself. Sometimes it screams. Sometimes what it has to say is interesting enough to make note of, or is adamant enough that it must come out. I'll put that stuff here. :)
Tuesday, May 8, 2012

If I Can't See You then You Can't See Me

It's getting harder to believe in hope.   I hope, and I hope, and I hope... and nothing ever works out for me.  One thing after another, dashed.  Hope isn't something I can hold on to, because it's doomed to fail the moment my heart flutters with anticipation or excitement.  The moment the smile crosses my lips, and that hope enters my being-  whatever it is I'm hopeful for is cursed and doomed to ashes.  There is no point in hoping anymore.  I don't think my heart can take it anymore.  I am honestly afraid to hope for something, to give it voice or thought, because I'm afraid that by doing so I have cursed it.  I am one huge curse.  I wish I knew what I did to cause that.

It's getting harder to control myself... I keep finding myself breaking down into tears at random moments.  I just wish things could go back to being simple.  I just want simple.  I don't want any more stress.  My brain is so out-of-whack its scaring me.  Like- seriously scaring me.   I just cannot seem to focus at all.  I just want to sleep all the time.  I don't want to deal with anything anymore.  I just want to crawl away and sleep it all away.   Just let it all pass me by.  Maybe if I hide under the covers long enough it won't see me and will forget me and just go away. 



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