~A Bitter Swallow~

Today is New Year's Eve. We don't have anything big planned. New Year's is not really a big deal for me, as I view the start of the new year in Spring. However, we are having a couple of the kids' friends over. Maybe we'll start a fire in the fireplace and roast marshmellows and smores. Pop in a movie or two, play some Playstation and/or Wii games. I prefer the mellow, stay indoors and hang night for New Years. Start the year simple and maybe it will stay that way?

I hope all of you have a grand time tonight, no matter how you choose to spend it. And if it didn't go how you would have chosen, I hope it turned out better than you would have gotten. Stay happy. Stay safe.

Christmas has come and gone. It passed in a flurry this year, mixed within the whirlwind and chaos of moving and unpacking. The Wednesday prior to Christmas Day, Dustin and I drove down to Oregon to visit with his family. I had been scheduled to work until 8pm that evening, and we were dreading having to make that 6-hour drive through the mountain passes during the darkest hours of night. However, I awoke Wednesday to a, let's just say "less-than-agreeable" stomach. Enough so, that I had to call in sick. Dustin was at work when I decided to call out for the day. When I let him know what was going on, he was thrilled. Yes, I said he was thrilled that I was ill. But only because that meant we could leave early. So, I got the kids up and ready, we dropped them off, and headed out.

When we were almost there, we hit a deer. Poor thing. A family of them were right in the middle of the road when we came around the corner. There was ice on the road, and nothing Dustin could do, other than slam us into the hill on the left, or off the ridge on the right. It died quickly, at least. A car that came by shortly afterwards made sure we were aware that in that state, you could keep what you hit. We were pretty sure they were going to claim it for themselves, but it was still there the next day, according to Dustin's sister.

We got to his family's house around 8pm. While I was feeling craptastic, I was still okay enough to be able to hang out and chitchat. The town was a bit on the cold-shoulder side this time around, but we were there for his family, and they were great as always, and that is what counts.

Friday morning we headed home, and made good time. No deer were hit in the driving of this route, but I did get to drive through the passes in the snow. That was nerve-wracking!

We picked the kids up, and we spent Christmas morning at home. Then we made the rounds playing Santa and dropping off gifts to various friends. That afternoon/evening we spent with my family. My kids made out like bandits, as they always do. This coming Saturday (New Years Day) I plan to take them shopping so they can go spend their loot.

Now it's back to reality as usual. I've come to the conclusion that the two most stressful months of the year for me are November and January. November, when it dawns on me that Christmas is just around the corner, and I haven't even thought about shopping yet, and January when it dawns on me just how much money I blew through in December! I suppose I should start setting up a Nov/Jan fund, to relieve some of that stress? LOL

We've moved! As of the 1st of this month we are renting a new place. You have no idea how excited I am about that, or how dreadfully stressed out I've been during that (and during.. since it's still going on.. kind of). We moved into a place that, square-footage wise, is about as big as where we were. But, the space is more compact, and it is much more cozy. It is right smack downtown.. about a block from where I work. It literally takes me about 2 minutes to walk to work! How cool is that? Both buses (for both of the kids) stop right outside the front door. How cool is that?? It has it's down side, like every place will. There is no yard, so letting the dog out to go potty is an actual walk. There is no parking really, except for out on the street, which is only 4 hour parking during the weekdays. We've already gotten a ticket because neither of us took the car anywhere during that time.. and forgot about the parking time. It is also the detour route when they close the main thoroughway for events. We've also already experienced that. That was interesting.

For the most part though, it is great. Our landlord is a friend and former co-worker of mine. That makes things a bit more comfortable. I am still in the process of unpacking. Due to limited space (the landlord is still currently using the basement, where I had planned on storing most of the unpacked stuff), unpacking is a chore. Trying to figure out where to put everything is turning into one pain in my hiney! I am hoping to get unpacked enough to be able to decorate for Christmas and get our tree this coming weekend. At the rate I've been going, though, I'll be lucky to have it done by New Years!

I will have to get some pictures and post them soon. You can all applaud now!

Last Monday, the household was jolted by a sudden scare. My daughter, who is currently 10 (and 1/2!) years old, was taking her morning shower. I was in bed, the boys (my boyfriend and 13 year old son) were up, poking around on the computer while waiting to go to school or work. My daughter had just gotten into the shower. She squeaked. Dustin (boyfriend) got up to go check to make sure everything was okay. She doesn't squeak when she is startled or scared. He knocked, asked if all was well, she laughed and said she was fine, he went back to what he was doing.

Then, a few moments later, she started complaining of an upset stomach. Now, mind you, my bedroom is on the other side of the wall from the bathroom- my bedroom door right next to the bathroom door. This complaining caught my attention, because she was actually calling for Dustin's assistance while she was still in the shower . This isn't something she does, even when it's me she is talking to. He went back to the door, she complained it was getting bad, so he opened our bedroom door, stuck his head in to tell me I should go talk to her, I nodded, already pulling the covers off of me. While this exchange was going on though, she started yelling "I see black! All I can see is black!" I jumped up and ran into the bathroom. My 10-year old daughter was blind. 100% blind. Her eyes were vacant and staring, her arms groping around her to stablize herself. I began asking her questions- what was she feeling, seeing, etc.. while trying to move her to me. She was answering me coherantly, at first, but her body went really rigid, and her voice began to trail. I felt like I was trying to move a big doll. It was horrifying. Then, she just fell on me.. still rigid, but not moving.

I screamed for Dustin to come get her. I couldn't hold her, and I didn't want to drop her half in and half out of the shower like that. He came in and grabbed her while I ran and called 911. I was still giving the operator our address when Dustin began yelling that she was back- she was here with us. I relayed as much information to the dispatcher as I could, and then she let me go back to my daughter, since she was awake and "normal".

The fire department soon arrived. By now my daughter was fully dressed, and a bit embarrassed. I had asked her what happened, and she told me it all started pretty stupidly, and she felt it silly and unimportant. Apparently, she had just woken up, groggy, no water, etc... She stepped into the shower, and as her hair slid down her shoulder, that still-half-asleep state of her brain thought it was a spider, and when she looked, that brain thought it was a tarantula sized spider. On her arm. Next to her face. This is what had caused the squeak before it all. It all happened in a split second, and she immediately knew it was her hair. I told her it was not at all stupid, and that it actually relieved me that there was something that could be considered a trigger- that all of this did not just happen out of the blue.

Turns out, it was very important. The fire department and paramedics said they thought it was most likely something called "vasovagal syncope". They referred us to the hospital in Silverdale to make sure. The EMTs were very sweet. They treated my daughter very professionally and made her feel comfortable, which I was worried about, being she was so embarrassed about the spider incident. They explained to her how important it was, and how great it was, that she remembered and told about it, because the sudden severe startlement set off a reaction in her brain that caused her to pass out.

The hospital agreed with their assessement. This article explains it pretty well. I took this straight from About.com. I highlighted the part that particulary pertains to her:

Read article here

"Anyone can have vasovagal syncope given an adequate triggering event, but many people are particularly prone to these episodes, and often with relatively mild triggers. These individuals tend to relate histories of syncope dating back to adolescence, and frequently will describe several different of triggering events. While, as noted, there are scores of possible triggering events for vasovagal syncope, some are quite characteristic and almost always point to vasovagal syncope. Syncope occurring after urinating, defecating, coughing or swallowing, or syncope associated with pain, fright, the sight of blood, or other noxious stimuli, is almost always vasovagal.

In these and other ways, vasovagal syncope tends to be highly situational. It is more likely to occur after a viral illness, after exercise, after a warm shower, or early in the morning – any time that relative dehydration is present, and dilation of the blood vessels in the legs would be more likely to produce a significant drop in blood pressure. Furthermore, vasovagal syncope is often preceded by a few seconds or a few minutes of warning symptoms. Often, these symptoms include lightheadedness, ringing in the ears, visual disturbances, sweating and/or nausea. Because of such “warning symptoms,” people who have had one or two episodes of syncope are frequently able to tell when an event is about to occur. And importantly, if they recognize the warning symptoms, they are able to abort the blackout simply by lying down and elevating the legs. (“Aborting” syncope is not possible with most other forms of syncope.)"

I feel better after reading up on it, though recanting it still makes my stomach roll and my pulse race. My belief is that, because of the highly circumstancial "trigger", this is only a one time thing. I don't think she is going to be one of those people that this happens to frequently, though we do continue to keep an open eye on her at all times, for the meantime. I have an appointment for a follow-up tomorrow, and I am expecting a clear bill of health.

We've had a couple of wind storms the past few days. I love windstorms. Not just breezy weather, but the slamming the doors and knocking down tree limbs wind storms. There is just something so exhilerating about them. It's like Nature's broom. Just getting rid of all the debris (well, metaphorically speaking, since, there is usually more debris out there once it's over!). I especially love it when there is a rain storm that comes along with the winds. The buddy system is a wonderful thing, you know. Even more so when you come in to wash clean the earth.

Outside just smells so much better during and after the storm. That deep, earthy watery smell. So organic (can't get much more organic, can ya?). And the feel in the air is electric. Foreboding and exciting all at the same time. Premonitory, but fascinating. There is nothing quite so nice as curling up with a good book on the couch, wrapped in a nice, warm blanket, and listening to the wind howl and the rain pound the rooftops and windows outside. Particullarly if you have a cup of hot tea or cocoa on the table beside you.

On a seperate note, I think my boyfriend is coming down with the flu. Just when he got called back to work at Nuprecon, too. Horrible timing, though he's gone anyway. Except for today. He wasn't scheduled for today. Good thing, because I really think he needs to stay home, relax, and eat something other than chips and dip!!

I wonder if this means the kids and I are going to get sick as well. Probably. Oh joy. Right in time for moving. Maybe we'll get lucky and it won't see us...

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Naughty me. It's not for lack of content. Just lack of content that I feel is suitable for this blog. I am trying to keep this one as negativity-free as I can. I have other blogs for that crap. I don't want everyone to get the impression that I am this overly-sensitive, negative, pessimistic, end-of-the-world-oh-woe-is-me person. Okay, maybe I am, but at least here I can fake that I'm not. A little.

In all honesty, I think I need to have a place where I focus on the POSITIVE things in my life. I have the space for purging myself of all that I hate and find wrong with humanity and existence in general. Here, I want to start keeping the focus on what is right and gorgeous and makes life worth living. Here I want to be able to remember that there is so much beauty, and honesty, and all that gushy-romantic stuff in this world. So, we'll focus on that.

So, let's get to it. There have been some wondrous things happening. To start with, I notice I have a couple more followers of this blog. I don't know how that happened, but there you are. Thanks for thinking I'm worth listening to!

Okay, the exciting news for those of you who don't already know- I'm moving!



Finally. And it's all rushy rushy hurry hurry. A little overwhelming, but in a good way. A former coworker of mine is renting his house out while he moves onward and forward into bigger and better things. So, I jumped at the chance. It's in the perfect location. Right downtown. I can walk to work. The kids' bus stop is right out front. In fact, it is the same bus stop my son uses when he comes to the library after school instead of home. Now, the kids will be in town, where they can walk to their friend's houses, walk to and from the library as they want, near the park, etc. etc. It is also in a walker-friendly area, so I can start going on walks around town, and actually have sidewalks to walk on. Oh, and it's downtown (did I mention it's downtown?), so I can just mosey on down to the shops and such when I am bored.

It only has one bathroom, which will be a change. That will be the hardest thing to get use to, I think. But, we will manage. All of the perks totally out way the issue of waiting in line for the potty.

The whirlwindedness of it all is that my buddy won't be moved out until Thanksgiving weekend, and we have to be completely and totally out of our current place by December 1st. That includes that final clean-up. We have gotten a storage unit to use to move all of the non-essentials into in the meantime. I've spent the past week or so packing, and we've started moving those boxes into that unit. Then, when we are able, we can spend the day moving all of our need-it-now items (bed, food, toilet paper and some clothes) over to the new place (don't forget computers, tv and couch!). Then, once the old place is clean, I can begin moving all of the items from storage at my own pace, and not stress as much.

Pretty cool, eh? I'm thinking so.

So, that's my news for now. It's been so long, that I don't remember what all has happened since I last wrote. And I don't feel like going back over the timeline at this exact moment. Maybe later. I do need to start making more time for blogging. It's good for the soul.

It's been an interesting week. Last Saturday I went on a hike with my daughter and her class. She is in a intermediate-mixed age (IMA) class. In other words, it's a 4th and 5th grade mix. There are about 60ish students in her class, as well as 2 teachers. The 4th graders will have the same class next year as 5th graders. This year, my daughter is one of the 5th graders. They make certain 5th graders "leaders" of groups. "Leaders" are composed of students who have shown skills throughout their 4th grade year. In celebration and honor of being chosen leader, the teachers took all of the leaders and their parents on a hike. I was thinking it would be a relatively easy hike, considering they were taking a bunch of 10-year olds. I was sorely mistaken (no pun intended... read on). They chose Mt. Townsend (see some info here: http://www.wta.org/go-hiking/hikes/mount-townsend ). This is an 8-mile round trip trail going up the side of the mountain in the Olympics. It is much steeper than I anticipated. I did not make it to the top. I got about half a mile (they said roughly 7 minutes) from the summit, when my left calf decide to have painful spasms on me, and would not stop. The view from where I was left was still stunning, though. Seattle looked so unbelievably tiny. It reminded me of a little Leggo town. My daughter was able to make it to the summit with the rest of the trail-headers, and they got to have lunch up there. It was horribly windy, though, and the wind was bitterly cold.

The killer, though, was the walk down. Had I had any sense in my head, I would have had second thoughts about the shoes I wore. Seeing as I have no other pair of shoes, save heeled boots and high heels, the shoes I wore were not something I stopped to consider, much to the disadvantage of my poor ankles. I have a pair of those Sketchers Shape-Ups. They were fine going up (but may have accounted for my failure to reach the top), but on the way down... a whole other ballgame. Think about it: These shoes are designed to throw you off balance. That's how they work. Add to that a steep incline, legs that are already wobbley from the climb up, and it was a recipie for disaster. I twisted first my left foot under me, resulting in a faceplant. Then a little bit later, I twisted my right foot under me, resulting in yet another almost faceplant, which was stopped by a big tree. By now, my walking is pretty dire. I twisted them really good. I twisted the right one yet again further down. It scared the poop out of my daughter. (Thankfully, not literally, although I did have the foresight to bring toilet paper, which was a hit with some of the other hikers!) My daughter's teacher found me a big fallen tree branch, which I was able to use as a walking stick / crutch for the rest of the way down (which was approximately a mile). I made it, painfully. But, I got down without having to be carried.

The whole thing left me feeling pretty down about myself though. I was the one who held up the teacher on the way up. Then, it was me who held them up on the way down. I felt fat, and worthless. I felt like a burden, and that everyone was wondering what I was even doing there. Hell, I was wondering what I was doing there. It took every ounce of willpower not to let myself cry while making it down that mountain. I didn't want my daughter to see it. Not how much pain I was really in, physically or mentally.

I had to take Monday off of work, because I couldn't walk. Tuesday and Wednesday I was able to come in, but both days saw me in some serious pain by the time I got home. It's now to the point where it's almost healed. It feels now like I spent 10 hours walking on concrete in high heels. That dull, achy feeling in my feet. And I'm still sporting the bruises on the insides of my feet.

This past week I've also been having to get my house organized and cleaned up. My birthday is on Wednesday, so we're having my birthday party this next Saturday. When looking at the guest list, we have a potential 50-60 people coming over, and it's suppose to be wet outside, so it will all be indoors! Wowza! So, I've been rearranging, cleaning, organizing, cleaning, etc. All while trying to work around not having a stove. Which reminds me, I need to remind everyone not to bring food that needs the stove.. because I don't have one.

So, that's been my week. There's been more, but I can't think of it at the moment.

I took the following from the Habitat for Humanity website. I thought it a great idea, and a worthy cause to keep in mind.


The United Nations has designated the first Monday in October as annual World Habitat Day. World Habitat Day 2010 will be held on October 4.

The purpose
World Habitat Day’s purpose is to call attention to the current global state of the human habitat and push toward adequate housing for all.

We hope that by raising awareness and advocating for universal decent housing we can dismantle and alter the systems that reinforce and entrench poverty housing. In doing so, we can make an affordable, decent place to live a reality for all.

World Habitat Day is a day for grassroots action and a day for people to be united in their efforts to eradicate poverty housing.

Get involved Oct. 4–9, 2010
Habitat for Humanity organizations around the world, in partnership with others, plan World Habitat Day events focused on education, advocacy and fundraising. This year, the focus issues for these efforts are health and housing internationally and neighborhood revitalization in the United States.

The 27th Carter Work Project will spearhead World Habitat Day events in six U.S. cities Oct. 3–8. Volunteers will join in building and rehabilitating houses with Habitat homeowner families, former President Carter and Mrs. Carter and other celebrities.

This year, the Carter Work Project will be held in Washington, D.C.; Baltimore and Annapolis, Maryland; Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota; and Birmingham, Alabama.

To learn more- go to thier website at: http://www.habitat.org/gov/take_action/world_habitat_day.aspx

The bills for my mole removal have been arriving in the mail. It's now sitting at about $500. That is only for two of them. If you know me, you know that I have about eleventy-billion moles on my body. Each one of them suceptible to becoming precancerous. I hope no more of them show signs. I can't afford it. I mean, I'm grateful those two were caught and removed, because they did come back showing signs of progression into cancer, but man- at $250 a pop (and that's with insurance), I just can't do it.

On a lighter note, my son had another karate tournament last weekend. This time, he was bumped up into the next section- put in with boys of colored belts, ages 13 to 15. My son is 13, so now he is at the bottom of the age pool. Also, these are kids from schools who are pretty into kicking butt. I was scared. Like- really scared. Oh- they also put him in the "advanced" section.. did I happen to mention that? Out of 12 kids- he got 4th place in sparring! Isn't that freakin' awesomesauce?? And, he only took one kick (the first) to his chest, that knocked him out of breath. After that, he was just fine. He can definitely show off that medal with pride! Oh, and his dad made it to that tournament, so I think that really made him feel good, too.

I haven't been writing as much as I'd like, but I have been writing. Little moments of 15 minutes, 30 minutes, my hour long lunch. But I figure if I keep at it, eventually I'll hit that groove again, and those 15 minutes will turn into 3 hours! It's mucking through this awkward part.. I just need to get through this!

My stove is officially busted. Officially busted beyond our ability to repair. Apparently the mouse decided that stove wiring was a tasty treat. Now we have exposed wires, that we are relatively certain water got into. Nice, eh? So now we have to contact the landlord and have him come out. It sucks. I hate dealing with the landlord. But, I really, really want my kitchen back, and most definitly my stove! I never realized how much I depend on it, until I didn't have it. I've been experiencing a lot of that lately. Maybe it's trying to help me be happy for what I have? Who knows. I just know I want to reclaim my kitchen!

I got to take a First Aide/ CPR class yesterday. It was fun. I learned stuff I didn't learn last time, and now I'm all certifiable and stuff. It had some gorey pictures, which was fun watching every one squirm and try not to loose thier lunches. And, it was relieving to find that I had no problem with performing CPR correctly on infants and children. It was interesting to note that I had a rather difficult time on adults, though. So, something to keep in mind. Don't require CPR around me. I'll fail! Unless you are small.