~A Bitter Swallow~

I've come to the conclusion that I am just a big, fat scaredy cat when it comes to writing. There is always an excuse for me not to, even when I'm itching to. It's that fear of it not coming out the way I envision it in my head. All the reading I've been doing contrarily has not been helping. I read all these good stories, and they make me feel even more incompetent.

When I try to put stuff down, it all comes out jumbled up. Trying to sort through that jumbled mess and piece it together just frusterates me. I start second guessing myself, start wondering if that is the best avenue of approach, or if it sounds believable. I'm not good at doing research, and I think that will hurt me. Of course, I can save it until after my story is out of my head, but then what if I go to do that research and find out that what I wrote isn't plausible. Another rewrite.

I know the basis behind my story is good. I know the idea is good. I believe the responses I got from people when explaining my ideas and storyline to them. It was favorable. Now, just getting it all down in a readable written version is my hurdle. Sitting down and dedicating myself to it is my obstacle. My procrastination and laziness are not kind qualities. Neither is my self-doubt.

Will I actually sit myself down and spend some quality time with my website, story and computer tomorrow? I will have the peace and quiet I've wanted, and while the desktop may be uncomfortable, and the laptop snaily slow, do I really even notcie that when I'm in that zone? I think not. Enough of the excuses. Time to get real and do this.

Tomorrow.