~A Bitter Swallow~

I was in my room grabbing one of the many hair ties that wind up on my headboard when I go to bed (they were all over there this morning), when I noticed that I have accumulated just about as many books over there as well. Books I've read and finished, and then started the next, only to pile them ontop of each other. There is actually a fine collection of dust covering them now.
This, in turn, reminded me how severely I've been neglecting my thaydra.com website. I use to be pretty regular about posting my book reviews. Now, I'm afraid to even go look at when the last one I posted was, because I'm sure I've read a dozen more that I will have to go back and remember.

Or, I could just start anew, which may be what I do. Starting anew is usually a good thing.

On another note, that is somewhat similar in an entirely different way, I am expecting my son to ask to stay with his dad once the school year starts, too. This thought has given me much stomach upset over the past week or so. It's gotten me rather emotional, I must admit. And it is forcing me to view things from more than just my heart. But it makes me weep, as I did after dropping him off after his doctor appointment yesterday when he said he wanted to go "home" and not to my house. Granted, I know he only wanted to go to his dad's so he could play on the computer, and it had nothing to do with me, myself. He told me as much. But it was the fact that he called that house "home", and mine "your house". Nails in the coffin. Or on the blackboard. It still tore.

I have a need to get out of the house and do something. But everything I attempt to do I find blocked from me. I was going to dig up the front yard and put in a flower bed. However, the ground just isn't giving enough to let up for me. Not to mention, I realized I should probably build it up, instead, to deter the dog from running in it, or using it as his personal bathroom. So I went to the local Lowe's to price materials. It's not horrible, but out of my range at the moment. So, that is put on hold.

There really isn't much to do in my garden that I don't do in the first 15-20 minutes I'm up in the morning while I wait for my coffee. Well, considering how it's going, I'm sure there's tons for me to do, I just don't know what. So, I guess I could browse the Internet for ways to help it, but that is counter-productive to my goal of getting away from this damn thing.

So what am I doing? Sitting here bitching about it on my blog.

By the way, I'm in need of some heavy machinery. Anyone got some? I need to clear out my backyard of all the overgrown grass, brush, and blackberry vines from ground that is lumpy and full of holes. It's scary back there, but would be so nice if I could get it cleared. So much potential! I'd love to throw a little picnic bench out there, and I think there is a perfect hammock area as well. How naive we were when we moved in as to how much actual work this was going to be. The work isn't the issue though, it's being able to get ahold of the stuff we need to get it done. It's way too much to be done by hand.

Ok, I'm going to go figure out something to do besides sit in this chair and stare at my screen. My stuff on Facebook is done, the blogs I follow are read, my email checked, my bills paid. Time to get outside into that sunshine, even if I just sit there and read!