Last night was spent with a bottle of wine and crying myself to sleep. It's amazing to me how I keep getting myself caught up in this shit. I'm so guarded around people, specifically men. My friends tell me I need to loosen up, let things flow, and let things happen. I need to let down my walls and let people in. However, whenever I do that, I'm quickly reminded as to why those walls are built so high around me in the first place. Yesterday was a prime example. Well, the past couple of days.
Regardless, I am not going to let it put a damper on me acknowledging what is still precious and good in my life. I'm still going to acknowledge ways in which I allow myself to move forward. I'm still going to smile and laugh and love those who have stayed by my side. I let myself wallow last night. I drank my wine (on an empty stomach), and I cried on a shoulder of a guy friend I've never met, but who "sat" with me the entire time and let me vent (through texts, but hey.. it worked). I let it all out of my system. I feel cleansed. I expelled all (well mostly all) of that negative energy, and now I can let myself be refilled with positive energy again.
Five things I am grateful for:
1. Sunny days, even if weird people come wandering half-into my home.... =/
2. Awesome coworkers
3. Recipes that work.
4. Sweaters
5. A clean kitchen
What did I cross off my list today?
.
I got out and scrubbed the front porch, steps, and railing today. It's not completely spotless, but it looks way better than it did this morning.
What did I do today that makes me happy?
Opened the door and curtains to let the sunshine and fresh air in, and took a nap.
What made me laugh?
What new thing did I learn today?
That if you take ripe strawberries, dip them into sour cream, and then dip them into brown sugar, it is freaking delicious.
What physical activity did I do?
Considering the fact that my arms still hurt from scrubbing the front porch, I'm thinking that counts as my physical activity.
How was my diet?
My breakfast consisted of a vegetarian egg casserole and fruit. Dinner was chicken and homemade mac n cheese. Not fantastic, but not dreadful.
What inspired me? Why?
Especially in light of recent events, I sometimes have to remind myself that it is perfectly acceptable to walk my path alone without a mate/partner. It doesn't make me any less of a person. Some things just need to be done on my own. This chapter (or perhaps the next few chapters) are solo.
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