I posted this on my writing site, but thought it was cute enough to share here as well. I decided that I was going to make my kids go to the lake, whether they like it or not! *
I took my kids to the lake today. After spending some time playing with his sister in the water, my son found a group of his friends and wandered off to hang out with them. My daughter lounged on the blanket with me in the sun. I motioned to my notebook, which I had brought with me to write in, and pointed out the entirely blank page. My daughter picked it up and began writing "Blah Blah Blah" on the pages. I was then talking to her about an art project I thought we should try. She picked out words from our discussion and wrote them down. The words were: Word, Blah, Dry, Spray Paint, and Glue Gun. I told her she now had to write a story out of those five words, which she readily did. We then spent the next hour or so giving each other a group of words to create a short, paragraph-or-so long story out of. The only rule was that all words had to be used, and we could not alter the word in any way (no pluralization or anything). The following is the result of such hour:
1st- Daughter's
Words: Word, Blah, Dry, Spray Paint, Glue Gun
One time a glue gun met a spray paint bottle and they spray painted the door. It didn't dry, so the glue gun did its magical powers and said one word. The word was "Blah", and the door dried.
2nd- Mine
Words: Paint, Crab, Shoe, House
One beautiful, sunny day Rhiannon thought it was too nice to stay in the house. She decided to go take a walk along the seashore. She kicked one shoe off and dug her toes into the sand, then did the same with the other foot. While enjoying the feel of warm sand on her feet, she felt something hard. She looked down and saw an old discarded crab shell. She picked it up and felt the smooth surface. The whole thing was intact and relatively undamaged. She took it home with her to paint and use as a decoration in her tropical themed room.
3rd- Daughter's
Words: Pink, Tired, Bird, Towel, Monkey
One sunny Sunday I went to my pink room and saw a monkey! I grabbed the monkey and went outside. My mom said she made one tire blue. She didn't even notice the monkey I had. We were going to the beach. I got my monkey towel out of the house. When I went outside I saw a blue bird. When we went to the lake it was closed! So we went to Long Lake instead.
4th- Mine
Words: Crush (towards the end of my writing, she informed me it was the brand name of Orange Crush, not the verb), Bag, Car, Phone, Orange
I had always loved the color orange. Everything I had was that color. But, there came a time when I thought maybe it was time to branch out a bit and try new things. When I bought my car, I opted for pink instead. Then I started wearing ruffles and bows, and even blinged out my cell phone! I bought a huge, expensive bag to carry all the stuff I bought in. It was so big it could crush you! I saw myself in the mirror one day, and realized how much I had changed. I ran outside screaming!! I traded my pink car for an orange truck, my blinged out phone for a plain one, my giant bag for a small one, and drank down an Orange Crush! Phew! It's good to be me again!
5th- Daughter's
Words: Dog, Eyeball, Sidewalk, Purple, Flower
One day I got a dog, and the dog's eyeball was purple!! So we walked on the sidewalk to the car to see the doctor. The doctor said that the dog is very special.
"It can turn into anything!"
"Wow!" I said.
"And it can live forever!"
"I love this dog!" I yelled.
Then we went back home and I grew a flower garden.
6th- Daughter's
Words: Sky, Helicopter, Child, Bunny, Elevator
In the sky was a helicopter and a child was stuck on it. I took my huge moving elevator and my flying bunny to rescue the child. I got in it and the elevator went up to the helicopter and the flying bunny flew to us. I told the child to get in and she did. We went down and saved her! Yay!
(Please note that at the end she drew a very cute flying bunny to illustrate her story)
7th- Mine
Words: Bed, Floaty (the little mats people float on in lakes and pools), Shirt, Foot, Purse
Today we went to the lake. My daughter would have probably preferred to stay in bed, but I said "Too bad!" and we went anyway. I grabbed my purse and we all climbed in the car. I stopped for some gas, snacks, and even bought a floaty for each of the kids. My son took off his shirt and sprayed sunblock on. The mist from the spray got on my foot. Then my daughter did the same. Both of them ran to the water and had a great time!
* They wound up having a good time, and reluctantly agreed that it had been better than being closed up in the house all afternoon!
Well, today my boyfriend is off galavanting with pin-up girls and hot rods. I was suppose to be at the lake with my kids, but they've decided they want to waste this gorgeous day sitting inside on the computer. Which, I guess is what I've resorted to now, as well.
It's frustrating. They always complain that they are bored, but every time I try to do something with them, I get balked at. How do other parents do this? How do you get your kids outside and active? I try, but they just stand there, balk, complain, etc... I'm thinking about just making them go anyway, but then I'll drive all the way out there only for them to sit there and whine about how bored they are.
What do you do when you feel like you are the only one that is fighting for something? What about when the other side refuses to fight at all? It's not surrender. It's a complete lack of interest. Do you continue to fight when you are pretty positive that the other side could care less?
Is it still worth it if they don't care? How about when they just sit over there and taunt you. Throw your own insecurities in your face and laugh? Belittle you and continue to hurt you?
Are we no longer on the same side?
Does any shred of what I'm fighting for even still exist?
Or should I just give up?
I don't have my laptop, and it is affecting my blogging! My writing, period! There is something to be said for being able to snuggle up into the corner of the couch, with a cup of whatever I'm drinking next to me, a blankie on my feet, and my laptop portable with all of my little twisting and tossing and turning. It just goes along with the flow.
This computer is loud. The positioning of the keyboard and mouse hurt my wrists and neck, and the chair is horribly uncomfortable.
Anyway, I thought I should pop in and write something, because, well, I'm suppose to.
My laptop is in the techy hospital. The screen kept turning blue on me. No- not the blue screen of death, which I discovered exists when I was trying to explain to the gal at the GeekSquad what was happening. I said, "I keep getting a blue screen." Which is exactly what happens. But I guess in the tech language, that refers to a horrible blue screen of death. I hear it's pretty grotesque.
Mine is not that.
The graphics just turn blue while I'm using it. I can still "use" it, it just hurts my eyes and pisses me off, since the thing is barely even 2 months old! Thank goodness for warranties!
So, I took it in. I figured it would be a couple of hours, maybe overnight. That was Tuesday. It is now Thursday evening. The service paperwork we received on it gives a estimated completion time of the 29th. That's 7 more days away!! *cry*
My next big purchase very well might be a new desktop.
1. Do you often lose sleep worrying about work?
I guess that depends on what exactly is considered "worrying about work". I sometimes worry about special projects I have to do, such as the training sessions I'm suppose to put together over the next couple of months. Teaching / training is not in my comfort zone, so I am having a hard time with that one. But usually, my concerns over work- the stuff that makes me lose sleep- is the desire to not be working, the question as to whether I'll ever be able to stay-at-home while my kids are still living at home.
2. When you're with friends, do you find yourself talking about work?
Sometimes. We all talk about work. Most of us work a lot with the public, so we often have stupid, silly or scary stories about our dealings with them. I don't necessarily view talking about work as a negative. Perhaps they more meant do I find myself complaining about work, which I don't do very often.
3. Before you've finished one project, are you already thinking about the next one?
I have about 30 projects that I am wanting to work on, or started to work on, or bought all the stuff to start working on- and none of them are done. What does that tell ya?
4. Do you put your personal life "on hold" in order to tend to business?
Only if it's stuff specifically for me. I have a hard time doing stuff just for me. Yoga is the closest I have to being selfish for the sake of me.
5. Are you jealous of other people's achievements?
Yep.
6. When you've achieved a goal or obtained something you've worked hard for, do you take the time to enjoy the accomplishment?
I will try, but- as mentioned in my previous post- I will immediately start tearing myself down, focusing more on what I have not done instead of what I have.
7. Are you too busy to cultivate a hobby?
I try to make time for my hobbies, but most of the time I just wind up feeling like a failure at them, so I give up.
8. Do you often work through lunch?
Hell no. I need to eat!
9. Does success mean being the first to embrace the latest trend, owning the latest model car or gadget, or having more than your neighbors?
No, not necessarily., though it would be nice to at least be on par...
10. Do you fear that everything you've worked for will be lost if you don't give it your constant attention?
I don't really feel like I've achieved anything, so I don't really have it to lose. Unless you mean relationships. If that is the case, then yes. I am constantly in concern of my relationships breaking down, or ending. Whether it be relationships with my boyfriend, children, friends or family.
So, the idea for this quiz is that, if you answer "yes" to more than half of these questions, that you don't spend enough time thinking about what will make you truly happy. Since I think there is really only one that I answered no to, I may be in trouble.
Do I know what would make me truly happy? No. Not even a little. According to this, I need to locate my inner peace. No duh.
So, I am suppose to make a list of all of the activities that give me a sense of peace. Right down to the simplest of activities. Then I am to make it a priority to schedule a couple of these activities into my schedule.
Peace-giving Activities:
1. Playing with my kids.
2. Digging for hidden treasures on the beach.
3. Lying on a grassy field watching clouds.
4. Sunbathing (in the sun, which is virtually non-existent here!)
5. Hiking through the woods.
6. Gardening.
7. Reading.
8. Shopping the thrift stores.
9. Lunch / dinner with friends.
10. Having a clean house.
11. Turning the radio up loud and singing along just as loud.
12. Dancing.
13. Walking on the treadmill.
14. The smell of the air after it rains.
15. Splashing in puddles.
16. Yoga.
17. Candlelight (esp. if they are scented)
18. Taking pictures.
19. Writing (when it flows).
20. The smell of clean sheets.
As part of my “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” workbook, I took the “Make Peace with Imperfection” quiz. After 30 questions analyzing how picky I am, I got the outcome:
“You’re fairly easygoing.”
Ok.
What it didn’t do was break down where my perceived imperfections are. So I looked for myself. Most all of my “10” answers (the bad ones) were dealing with my perceptions of myself.
Duh.
I usually see others and see all of their accomplishments. I envy the way they live, speak, dress, look, parent, etc... I can’t see those things in myself. When I do happen across something good, it is short lived. I usually rip it apart within moments.
I think some part of me doesn’t think I deserve to be happy. I know that part of me thinks that. I feel it rear its head every time I honestly smile. Whenever I am at a point where I am honestly happy, even for a moment, it shows up to knock me down a few rungs. To make me question what it is that I’ve done to think that I should be happy. It shows me all those failures, everything that I haven’t done yet.
So yeah… in viewing others, I am very easygoing. But when it comes to me, I am a horrible critic and enemy. I am working towards changing this. It is hard, though.
Father's Day is hard for me. It is a day that comes once a year to remind me that my dad gave up on me. He turned his back on me at the point in my life when I needed my father the most. He chose his alcohol and his girlfriend instead of his own children. He chose to embrace her children, her ideals, her future, instead of ours.
I have given up on any type of reconciliation with my dad. I know it will never happen. The last time I saw him, he sat- bouncing my three-year old son on his lap- and proceeded to tell my husband what a horrible, worthless child I was. I never tried again. He is obviously oblivious to his role in the way I was. He takes absolutely no responsibility for the pain, anger, hurt and betrayal I felt from him. For the way he would talk me down instead of trying to talk me up. For pointing out my weaknesses instead of my strengths. For telling me I would wind up being nothing, instead of telling me I could be whatever I wanted.
He use to do all those things. He use to be the greatest dad in the world. I loved the crap out of him. He did his best for us. That all changed when he met his now-wife. I had nothing against him having girlfriends. I had nothing against this one being black. I could care less. I liked him having girlfriends. I liked him having a life. But this one.. from the moment she walked through the doors, it was like a whirl of ice followed her. She looked down on all of us. None of us were worthwhile. She disagreed with my dad's parenting style, although we were all acing all of our classes, and had never once been in trouble with the law. Her children, however, we all either dealing drugs, in jail, or teenage mothers. But, her parenting style was much more effective and appropriate?
No.. I didn't like her. And she made it very clear that she hated me. Was it because of how much I reminded my dad of my mom? Was I "competition"? I don't know. I do know that one of her sons tried to pimp me out to his friends, to the point where they would come over- money in hand. I was twelve. Another constantly touched me inappropriately, and yet another tried to rape me more than once. I was lucky enough to always have had someone show up to interrupt him before it actually happened. Then he would laugh and tell them he was just kidding. He wasn't kidding. But, my dad didn't believe me. He told me I was lying- making it up to cause problems. Then he threw me out of the house.
I don't know what happened to him. I don't know how, in one summer, she warped his head so completely. She turned him into a completely different person, and he let her. Well, I guess they are happy now. They have their property out where ever, and he has her children, and grandchildren, to raise. And I am left sitting here, wondering where my real dad went. Where the guy I used to love more than the earth and skies and everything beyond went. The guy who holds the little girl so tenderly... why did he let go?
Sometimes no words speak everything you need to know.
I've been trying to destress myself lately. I've been having a really hard time letting things go and focusing on the positives. At a previous trip to Barnes and Noble, I bought a "Don't Stress the Small Stuff" workbook. There is a quiz inside to gauge how much we focus on stressors. I got the "lowest" stress score. The same thing happened on another "stess" quiz I took.
This amazes and scares me at the same time.
It amazes me, because I absolutely cannot get myself to relax, or get my mind to shut off. I also don't feel like I really have a good outlet for venting a lot of this stuff. It's too personal, and I don't want to just make things worse. So, all this crap bottles up inside of me. Unfortunately, this bottle isn't very strong, and leaks spring up all the time. Usually I can tape it over, or maybe use a little clear nail polish to fill them in. But, it's not going to hold forever.
It scares me, because if I'm at the "You rarely stess the small stuff" category, then I cannot even fathom what those in the "You let the small stuff get to you too often" go through.
I don't pretend to have huge issues. I know people who have serious illnesses in their family life. I know of homeless people, abused people, people who lose loved ones, etc... and I am not one of those people. I know that I should be more thankful for the things I do have, and I do try. I'm just not very good at it. This just leads me deeper into that stress- that depression- because it makes me feel like a horrible person that I cannot. I know I need to make changes- in myself, in my lifestyle. Things that might help me find that peace that I want so badly. It is hard to know what changes are a step in the right direction, and what will lead me deeper down. It's hard to balance what I want with what is finacially feasible.
A week or so ago, I began a bucket list to help me focus on the "big" things I want. However, for this quest, I think I need to be a bit more focused; more detailed. Get right into the nitty gritty of every aspect of my life and my being, and dig into it. Find what I really want, and what I think I really need, and what I think will help get me there.
