I'm so bored.
I'm sitting here trying to get myself motivated to do something. Anything. It's a beautiful day outside. I have all of this free time. I should be using it. There's plenty that I could be doing: writing my friend's story, crafting, baking, going for a walk, exercising..... Yet I'm sitting here in my bedroom on my laptop whining.
Problem is- I don't want to do any of those things. Strike that. I don't have the motivation or energy to do those things. I know I should just force myself to. But... sometimes doing that is hard. Instead I find myself immersing myself in Guild Wars 2 or just watching Netflix, Hulu, Prime... whatever.
I did do some resin projects the other day. They came out so pretty! And then fell apart. I'm not sure what happened. Too much of the ink coloring? The color just peeled off.... it was so sad. I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong, but that is such an expensive hobby to just practice on. I made a little felt guy yesterday. He came out pretty cute, considering I'd forgotten to put his face and stuff on before sewing him together. LOL . It's been awhile since I made one. The things you forget. I even gave him a fluffy butt.
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So, I've been doing little things here and there. I've gone for walks, but I'm getting tired of that. They aren't giving me that refreshed feeling during or after. It just feels forced- which it pretty much is. I have gone beach-combing. I'm finding a lot of cool rocks and shells, but can't really do anything with them at this point. I mostly leave them there. I brought home some, and when I put them outside to dry out, the dog got into them. I lost everything but the three big shells, which were what I really wanted but it was still a big heart-breaking.
I think the forced feeling is what is getting me. The idea that I have all of this time so I SHOULD BE SUPER PRODUCTIVE! It's making me feel like I have to be doing something. That combined with living situations, combined with this self-isolation thing going on due to covid-19. I can't go to various different parks- change up my scenery. I can't just jot down to the craft or thrift store for random supplies. I can't even go find new books to read.
Focusing on my end game has been helpful to an extent. Thinking about my ultimate goal of quitting the 9-5, moving to a huge chunk of land, and living off of my self-sufficiency is a good motivator when I need an extra push. It at least gets me moving, if only for a little bit. Hell, it's what got me to at least sit down and blog here. I've been trying to get myself learning things I want to learn: soap-making (I have some melt and pour base, but need dried lavender.... ), finding a crafting project that I truly enjoy, wild-crafting, herbology, ,gardening, some of my pagan leanings like moon, astrology, tarot, and how my wild-crafting, herbs, and gardening fit in with it.
I'm terrible at self-directed learning though. Especially if I feel confined, which I do so much right now. Hell, I am just about ready to go back to work just to have a change of scenery- to have to get up and do something. It's crazy, because the amount of stuff I've been doing recently would have actually been highly acceptable to me if it was life as normal with work and all.
My daughter and I are going to go for a walk today. Needing to check the mail is a good excuse, so we'll take the long scenic route up to the post office. I'm thinking I should check when the tide is out and maybe try to go during low-tide, and get some beach-combing in. Definitely soak up some sunshine. I also offered to show her and our roommate's daughter how to make the little felty guys like the one up there. That is one thing I have plenty of supplies for and it would be a fun little project for them I think.
So, I'm hanging in there, but I'm getting stagnantly restless- if that makes sense. I feel the need to do but lack the oomph to actually go. Baby steps. I'll make it through. Hopefully when this shelter-in-place order is lifted, I can reevaluate how I live my daily life and where my priorities are.
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