~A Bitter Swallow~

Five things I am grateful for:

1.  Starbucks  (it got my daughter to go shopping with me today.  ;-)  )
2.  The sound of the birds singing outside my window in the morning.  It makes waking up a more peaceful thing.
3.  Music.  Seriously... life would be empty without it.
4.  Days off.
5.  Finding fabulous recipes that everyone in my house enjoys.  Especially when they're relatively healthy!


What did I cross off my list today?
.
I made a list of what I needed for my emergency first aid kit (which also is our regular first aid / medical kit).  I went through everything we currently have, threw out anything old or expired, crossed off what I already still had, and then went and bought the rest.

I also cleaned out my fridge.  

What did I do today that makes me happy?

Took my daughter to Starbucks and drank coffee while we shopped for mundane household things. :)
I also got my last massage today. It was 90-minutes long.  I was pretty happy.

What made me laugh?

The following exchange between my son and daughter:

To set the scene:  The three of us are sitting on my couch (it's actually more of a loveseat).  He's showing her how to copy music from my music folders onto her iPod library.   She drops the mouse on the floor.

Son:  "You dropped the mouse."
Daughter (without missing a beat):  "You are a mouse and you should be eaten by a cat."

Tell me that's not hilarious!

What new thing did I learn today?

You know those colors you see when you close your eyes?  The phenomena is called "phosphene".   You can read more about it Here.


What physical activity did I do?

I cleaned my kitchen pretty good, which is a workout in and of itself.

How was my diet?

Breakfast was horrendous (leftover pizza).  However, I made homemade Zuppa Toscana.  I no longer use the half & half in it.  I also use a ton of kale.  It might not be the healthiest thing, but it's better than much of the stuff I make! 


What inspired me?  Why?

I guess just getting stuff done.  Nothing specific.  Being able to spend time with my kids.  :) 

I made it through a week.  Nope, this isn't an April Fool's Day joke.  I'm not witty enough for those.   Looking back, I got 4/7 posts done, which is actually okay I think.  More than I expected, really.  So I'm happy with that.  I need to get better about crossing stuff off my list, but I've gone a bit crazy with my sleep today and yesterday, since the kids are on Spring Break and I can actually sleep in.  I've been taking advantage of it while I can.  =)   

Five things I am grateful for:

1.  Sunshine so I could walk to work.
2.  Coworkers that look out for me.
3.  Subtle pranks that aren't blatantly obvious.
4.  A quiet day at work today, despite it being April Fool's Day.
5.  The strange shit my kids and their friends listen to.

What did I cross off my list today?
.
Nothing. :(

What did I do today that makes me happy?

I walked to work.  I love doing that, even if my eyes get all goopey with allergies.

What made me laugh?

Whatever this crazy crap my son and his friend are listening to...


What new thing did I learn today?

That if you (or your son, because it's April Fool's Day) change the date on your computer to a date 17 years ago... Firefox won't open any websites. 


What physical activity did I do?

I made it 15 minutes on my treadmill.   I did the 30 minutes just fine my first day, and then it went downhill from there.  I'm determined to work my way back to it, though.  

I am also walking to work today, and if the weather holds, I will walk home as well.  For those who don't know, I have to walk about a half mile up a hill.  It's a steep hill.  Part of it is so steep they put stairs in. LOL

*  I didn't walk home.  Not because I didn't want to, because I really did.  My coworker/pal gave me a ride home after the super creepy guy at work kept making eye contact with me, to the point where I was afraid he thought I was actually making eyes at him.  Since he knows my route home, and walks this same way often, my friend and I weren't really comfortable with me walking home tonight.  =/    I'd much rather lose out on a mile walk, then have to potentially deal with him, though.   

How was my diet?

I ate breakfast-  just your basic bacon and egg breakfast burrito.  I cut some green onions and fresh basil into it.  I need to get to the store to stock up on more veggies.  I can't wait until the market here opens and the Farmer's Market is in swing again, so I can just pick up fresh produce on my way home.

I did make a smoothie full of fruits and a couple of carrots.  I need to get to the store and replenish my supply of kale/spinach.


What inspired me?  Why?


This talk by Ash Beckham

Really- take the 11 minutes and watch it.  Yes, it talks about lesbianism, but it's not just that.  It is relevant to all people.  We all have closets.  We all have hard talks we have to have.  

So, apparently me doing these daily is not going to happen.  Too much life gets in the way, it seems.   I will continue to try, though. I'm only going to do the five today, although I should technically being doing two days worth.  So shoot me. 

Five things I am grateful for:

1.  Comicon
2.  Vodka
3.  Great coworkers
4.  Being able to work in a library- I mean, how awesome is that??
5.  Getting my rent paid on time.

What did I cross off my list today?
.
I got the seeds started today.  They are now under their happy little plant light downstairs- which I need to remember to turn off before I go to bed tonight....


What did I do today that makes me happy?

Today I slept in.  That makes me extremely happy.

What made me laugh?

I know I've laughed today, but don't recall at what.

What new thing did I learn today?

Turkeys can reproduce without having sex.  So can some lizards/snakes.  It's called parthenogenesis.  I love how it describes it as reproducing without the "benefit" of sex.  hehehe   I read about it Here.


What physical activity did I do?

I walked all day around Comicon yesterday.  If I had tried to do anything today I think my entire body would have rioted.

How was my diet?

Yesterday's was a mess, due to Comicon, although the sub sandwiches were loaded with veggies (it's how I like them).  Today's diet featured more fruit and some veggies, too, but not nearly enough.  I also really need to get better about drinking more water.


What inspired me?  Why?

One thing I need to be certain of is that I do not "settle" for someone.  I do not look at what they can offer me, and forgo this elusive thing that is called love.  I should not do that to them, nor should I do it to myself.  While at this point I'm pretty sure I'm incapable of feeling or expressing honest love for a man, I also don't think that I should make a relationship become what is more akin to a business deal.  Something to remember while meeting new people.

So, right off the bat I fall behind.  How's that for typical?  LOL  Oh well.  Life happens.   Wednesday I had a date so didn't have time to do this, and then yesterday I just flat out forgot.  I've been a little tired the past week.  So, make up time.

Five things I am grateful for:
(15, since 3 days worth)

1.  Pandora
2.  Cell phones
3.  My plan that only lets me text, so I have a good, valid excuse not to talk on the phone.
4.  Being able to let my daughter go to California again.
5.  The bar being so close I can walk, to multiple..
6.  Pizza delivery
7.  Having a washing machine in my house.
8.  Finding sales on awesome stuff at the craft stores
9.  Reading glasses
10. Random sun breaks during rainy days
11. Good books
12. Socks
13. My kids got relatively good reviews during their conferences
14. Eye candy
15. Coffee.  I know it's been said already, but I'm thankful for it enough to say it again.  


What did I cross off my list today?

.I got the light bulb in the laundry room changed.  I didn't do it, but I had my son do it, and that's close enough.  I think that might be all I got done in these three days.  Don't judge.

What did I do today that makes me happy?

Wednesday I tried out a new craft project, and was very happy with  it.  Thursday I went and got probably the most aggressive massage I've ever had- which was fucking awesome.  Tonight I'm going to stay in and catch up on some shows.  Too bad I don't have any wine left....

What made me laugh?
Some inappropriate stuff that I won't post here.  ;)

What new thing did I learn today?

• Wednesday I learned that new craft technique/medium (alcohol inks)
• Thursday I learned that this was a thing and it really turns my stomach.  I learned about it when reading an interview with the author in the back of the book I just finished (What She Left Behind).  
• Today I just learned on http://uselessfacts.net/ that The Guinness Book of World Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from the library... 

What physical activity did I do?

Wednesday I walked to work with every intention of walking home, but it was raining when I left.  I also ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes that morning.
Yesterday I didn't do shit.
Today I ran for 5 minutes, then was afraid I might literally fall on my face because I was so tired and quit.  I haven't done anything else.

I think I need to get some sleep.

How was my diet?

LOL
I ate some seriously awesome food at Fujiyama's in Silverdale Wednesday night though.  Filet Mignon, sea scallops, and lobster.  Oh, and a bottle of wine.  Yes- I said bottle.

We'll just skip the other days...



What inspired me?  Why?

My dreams, because they mean I'm sleeping and that's something I haven't been doing enough of.
I'll leave you with a photo though- 


This one is so true for me.  I am always judging myself, and feeling like I don't measure up.  I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, intelligent enough, motivated enough, etc. etc. etc.  I need to stop comparing myself with every other fucking person out there, and just learn to be and love who I am.  Period.




One:   I love the feel of the sun on my face.  It's like a warm hug. 
Two:  I need to look towards what is positive and happy, so that the other things just kind of fade into the background. 

Five things I am grateful for:

1.  My kids have great friends
2.  My car is running again
3.  I am close enough to work to walk when the weather is nice.
4.  Leftovers
5.  Washing machines

What did I cross off my list today?

I went through the library books and took a bunch of them back.  I kept out the ones I want to go through. If I haven't touched them by the time they are due, they go back.


What did I do today that makes me happy?

I took the time to sit and just drink a cup of coffee without trying to do other things in the meantime.

What made me laugh?

This:  Funny Cat Compilation   My kids and I actuary watched the entire thing.  We laughed pretty good.

What new thing did I learn today?

Ummmm.... that this is a thing...  

What physical activity did I do?

I got on the treadmill for 20 minutes and jogged. 

How was my diet?

I did get a huge fruit (and carrot) smoothie in.  Other than that.  Mediocre.  Water intake pretty bad, honestly. 


What inspired me?  Why?







Sometimes it's hard to find the strength to keep going, when it feels like it never ends.  However, I have to remind myself that not only will it be spectacular at the top, but the climb itself yields plenty of its own beauty if I just take the time to slow down and focus on looking around me rather than just focusing on how much of a pain in the ass it is.  :)

Okay, so this list is mainly for my own use (for obvious reasons), but I figured I'd post it so you all could see it too.   I guess it's that whole accountability issue again-  you will be able to ensure I'm crossing things off.  :)  I will add to it as things come to mind.


My to-do/stop tolerating/quit putting off this shit list:

1.  Clean out and organize my Tupperware cupboard.  Toss anything without a lid, or that I don't use.

2.  Clean out and organize the hall closet.  Create a good space for any medication/first aid items, and for tools.  Go through everything, toss out old, outdated, expired things or items that haven't been used.

3.  Go through the mound of library books I have.  Decide which ones I might actually get some use of, and return the rest.  I should probably quit checking out cookbooks.  I have my magazine and Pinterest for recipes.

4.  Create a box for items to be given away to the Goodwill (or anyone who wants them) and drop it off when it gets full.

5.  Go through the items I might actually want to try and sell, and make a decision on them.  If I decide to sell them, photograph them and post them.

6.  Go through my clothes in my closet.  Get rid of anything that doesn't fit or that I haven't worn.

7.  Go through my clothes in my drawers.  Do the same as with the closet.

8.  Go through my clothes in my armoire.  Do the same with them. See if I can't get them to fit into the drawers on my bed or into my closet so that I can give my son the armoire.

9.  Go through the entertainment center(?) craft thing.  Organize, purge, and try to get it out of there so I can get rid of it. Find something to replace it.

10. Go through the dresser in the crafting area.  Perhaps some of what's in the center can be moved there.

11.  Do the same thing with the plastic bins in the craft area.

12.  And with the boxes (I have a lot of crafting stuff....)

13.  Go through the cleaners under the sink.  Get rid of what I'm not using.  See what needs to be replaced and replace it.  Try to make my own solutions.

14.  Clean out the junk drawers in the kitchen.

15.  Clean out the fridge.

16.  Clean out the freezers.

17.  Go through all of my jeans.  Repair those that can be repaired, toss those that are damaged beyond repair, and donate any that no longer fit.

18. Go through my pots and pans.  Toss any lids that don't go with anything.

19.  Go through the baking pans, sheets, etc.

20.  Go through the utensil and knife drawers.  Donate or toss anything that hasn't been used.

21. Fix the lights in the kids' bathroom.

22.  Change the light bulb in the laundry room.

23. Fix the vacuum cleaner.  If I can't figure it out, get help.

24. Put together that damn bookshelf I bought last year...

25. Draw up an on-going chore list.  Separate daily, weekly, and monthly chores.  Post it.

26. Take and record my measurements.  Keep track of them.

27. Dig up the front yard (this needs to be done soon!)

28. Plant the front edge.

29.  Start the plant starts.

30. Replace the trim around the door.

31. Get some porch (mildew) cleaner (or see about making some) and scrub the porch, steps, and railing.

32. Empty all the planters.

33. Completely clean the grill - both sides

34. Dust the living room.

35.  Get a copy of my credit report and go through it.

  Recently a post was making the rounds through my friends on Facebook.  It was titled "60 Small Ways to Improve Your Life in 100 Days"  At first I just bypassed it, thinking just another "self-help" type fad that was circling.   Then, during a down moment where I had nothing else to do, I decided to read through it.  Then I decided to print it.  Now I've decided to do it.  The things they had listed might have been sort of "duh" points, but the idea is to actually buckle down and do it.    

  Now, I'm not doing all 60 items listed on the list.  Some of them overlap for me, and others I just feel I won't actually stay on track with, and since that's setting myself up for failure, I will just start out with a few I can actually focus on, and I think they are the more important ones (for me) anyway.  Then I can gradually start adding in the others.  This way, I won't overwhelm myself right off the bat. 

The ones I am focusing on (note that the numbers are based off the number on the article):

#1  Creating a decluttering calendar. 
and
#3 Identify items around the house you've been tolerating and fix one each day.

These two I am combining into one focus, since many of the things I've been "tolerating" are also decluttering jobs.  I will make a list (to follow) of things to get done, and be sure to not go to bed without marking one off each day. 

#4  Write down 5 things I'm grateful for, every day.   It's good to remember what's going right, even if it's hearing the birds chirping outside. 

#5  Make a list of things I enjoy doing, and make sure to do at least one each day. 

#7  Have a good laugh (and share it) each day.

#9 Learn something new (and share it) each day.

#19  Get a notebook and take it everywhere, to store random thoughts, to-dos, appointments, etc.  I just got a new phone, and think I'll become very familiar with the note apps on it for this.

 #26  Weekly reviews.  I'm also planning to do daily reviews, which I will explain following.

#31 Eat my veggies

#32  Eat my fruit (smoothies ftw!)

#36 Drink more water (I don't drink carbonated beverages very often; rarely actually.  I do need to up my water intake though)

#38  Make lunches/dinner.   I'm altering this a bit from the site, but I have a horrible time with not taking a lunch to work, which means I have to go out.  Or I get lazy when I get home and order pizza instead of cooking.  This wastes money and most often creates horrible eating habits.

#39  Create a list of healthy snacks.  Keep them on hand (and at work!).

#40  Create meal plans for two-week increments.

#42  Exercise and stretch

Something I added:   Find and share a quote I find inspiring.  Reflect upon said quote for a few moments.


In order to hold myself more accountable for these, I've decided to do a nightly blog about what I've accomplished during the day, and reflect upon where I need to work.  It will be like a daily diary /journal entry before retiring for the night.   I know this "blogging for accountability" hasn't worked much for me in the past, but I think I might have a couple more people who read this now who can help hold me accountable.  I'd appreciate any feedback in either private messages or in the comments during these.  It also lets me know I'm actually being watched (ie: accountability).  So reprimand me if I start slacking.  ;) 

  I got this idea from viewing these two sites:  Dave Lowe Design and Before After .

I have a few old books lying around here.  Weird, I know.    I wanted to try with a random hardback book I had, but also had my old "Earth, Air, Fire, & Water" book by Scott Cunningham that had pretty much been read to death.  After being thumbed through umpteen-thousand times by not only myself, but also my son, it was hanging on by just a few strands of old tape.  I was hoping maybe this could extend it's life a bit longer. 

You will need a book, a paper towel or two depending on the size of your book, water, paint brushes, Mod Podge, paint in at least 2 shades, a hot glue gun, various things to glue to the book.

My Scott Cunningham book I first strengthened up by hot gluing a discarded Pasta Roni box to it, painting it to cover the wording,  then proceeding with the rest of the steps.

Next.. add the design.  For Scott Cunningham's book, I just drew the wording on with hot glue and let it dry.  For the other hard-backed book I hot-glued on some little toys I found at Walmart (as per Before After's suggestion), cutting them to the design I wanted.  I straight up copied her design, since it was my first go and I just wanted to get the basic idea of what to do down before branching out with my own ideas.







This next part is the one I had some difficulty with.  You are to take one of your paper towels, dampen it, and then smoosh it into all the nooks and crannies, making sure to outline your designs well.  First (on the skeleton book) I Mod Podged the book first, then added the towel.  DON'T DO THAT. It was disastrous.   Eventually I got it all on there, but it was a huge pain in the rear, especially around so many little nooks and crannies!  

On Scott Cunningham's book, I used the idea of dampening the towel, laying it on, then Mod Podging over it.  That worked better, but still left me with a lot of air pockets to deal with.  I'm sure I was going a bit quicker than I was supposed to, but that's me for ya. 

The next attempt I make, I think I will have a dry paper towel, and then use a paint brush to moisten it into the cracks and crevices, and then Mod Podge over that. 

You want crinkles in there though.  Once dried and painted- that's what is going to give it that old cracked leather look.






The hardcover book I let dry before applying the first coat of paint, but the Scott Cunningham's book I used Dave Lowe's suggestion and painted right away.  Both worked out really well for me, and I could see how the end product would become. 

As you can see- I used black on the hardcover, and purple on Scott's.


Let them dry. 


If needed, apply a second coat.  I did not find that necessary.

Then, grab your accompanying paint.  I chose a silver metallic for both.  Using a dry brush and a light touch, apply the second paint.  The idea is to get all those raised edges, as well as highlighting the nooks and cranies.   I went a bit too heavy on the skeleton, though I am still overall pleased with the result.  I bought a new brush that you just kind of use to dab, and will try that one out next time. 

Otherwise, this is how they turned out:










You can really see how the silver picked up those cracks and made them stand out.   The paperback book I used is a bit water-wavy, but I'm hoping that changing the way I put the paper towel on there will help with that.  That, and having more brushes to use.  I was having to use the same paint brush, so it was still wet from being rinsed of paint.  That's more of my impatientness showing though.  I just stuck it under a few books for a night and it's more evened out now.

So there ya go. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, and have fun with it.

  I am in one of those periods in life where I can tell things are coming to an end.  What those thing are, I'm not sure.  However, I just have that sense of doors closing; of chapters ending.  I can hear the quiet click as the lock slips into place; can hear the sigh as the page is turned down and the book is closed for the night.  It is not necessarily a bad feeling.  I just feel a bit lost;  Disconcerted. 

  This time of year is the one I feel most adequately represents my mind.  When the fog rolls in thick and heavy, blanketing everything with its obscurity.  It is both frightening and comforting at the same time.  Who knows what is lurking within the swirling mist.

 Later on the fog will roll back, revealing the bright, crisp blue sky.  The air holds a bite, perfect for wrapping a sweater around your shoulders and going for a walk.  The trees alight with vibrant color. 

It is also the time of year where I once again begin to retreat inside of myself.  It is a time of tuning inward.  Spring is a time of clearing out the clutter in your home.  For me, Fall is the time of analyzing all of that clutter in my mind and trying to make sense of it all.  To rediscover- take out and dust off those old relics.  Get rid of the garbage.  Sometimes it's hard to let go of that garbage.  To discard those old things that have been bumping around in there for so long.  How will the space function without it?  How will it feel?  Some of those things have been there for so long, it seems they have grown root.  They must be dug up, pried out.



I don't mind the cobwebs, though.  The dust and spiders are a bit comforting to me.  Is that bizarre?  Perhaps.

Lately I've been trying to picture my "perfect place".  The ultimate "Where do I want to be?".  My mind keeps conjuring the same image:   I am at a cozy cottage.   The front of the house faces the ocean.  The lawn has an overgrown path leading down to the beach.  The house is surrounded by gardens;  all of it used for some purpose, whether it be for food or medicinal purposes.  There is a chicken coop out back, and a variety of fruit trees.  Behind and to the sides of the yard are dense woods.  There are no neighbors nearby.  The beach in front stretches on each side... rocky outcrops extend out into the water every so often.. perfect for standing on while the waves crash against them, spraying me with their sea spray.





It is always the beginning of Autumn in this picture.  The weather is still reasonably nice.  There is enough of a chill wind in the air to wrap a shawl around my shoulders as I sink my feet into the sand for a walk along the beach, and to start a fire in the hearth upon my return to heat up a nice cup of tea or cocoa.  I can sit on the front step and watch the fog roll in, to watch the storms whip the waves up into frenzies.  To watch the birds swoop and dive for their dinner.



I am always alone in these visions.   It is okay.

What does this mean?  I am not sure, other than I am pretty sure that I am supposed to be near the sea.  I never really felt that before, but I do now.  This past year it has been pretty clear to me that I need to have the ocean nearby.  I believe it symbolizes both the calm and cleansing part, as well as the chaotic, dangerous side.   It is both within the same.  Two sides of the coin.  I often feel like I am the same.  I am both dark and light; good and evil.  I embrace the both.  I always have.  Perhaps I am drawn to the sea, because it too embraces both aspects of the yin and yang.