~A Bitter Swallow~

I think I thought-vomited in my brain a little bit...

Thought-Vomit

My brain is constantly mumbling and muttering to itself. Sometimes it screams. Sometimes what it has to say is interesting enough to make note of, or is adamant enough that it must come out. I'll put that stuff here. :)

For those of you who are not into juvenile, crude humor, this probably isn't for you. For those of you who are: Watch this video. Just- don't watch it at work, or around kids. Watch it somewhere else first, and then determine whether or not your friends, coworkers and family would be immediately captivated by it's catchy tune, or if they would spank you, or if they would just roll their eyes while boogying and humming along.

clicky:
http://www.getonmyhorse.com/

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

$5.6 Million in Hope

I got this in my email today, and thought it was pretty kick-ass. So I'm sharing it with you!


Dear Advocates,

Congress completed much of its remaining business before taking a well deserved break for the holidays. Over the course of this legislative year advocates for childhood cancer have worked hard to bring attention and federal funding to childhood cancer. Members of Congress and their staff have also worked hard to address these critical issues and the needs of children with cancer.

Our hard work has resulted in an unprecedented additional $5.6 million in appropriations dedicated to childhood cancer. This is more money than has ever been specifically appropriated by Congress for childhood cancer. These funds come through the following appropriations sources:

Labor Health and Human Services under the provisions of the Caroline Pryce Walker Conquer Childhood Cancer Act:

$3 million directed to the Centers for Disease Control for a pediatric cancer registry, a critical source of information to support research.

$1 million in the office of the Secretary of Health and Human Services to provide much needed outreach, resource and program services for children with cancer and their families.

In addition, the National Cancer Institute received an increase in funding for FY2010, through the Labor Health and Human Services appropriation bill. The estimated amount that will be apportioned specifically for pediatric cancer research will be $4 million above last year's level.

Defense Appropriation
$1.6 million for pediatric cancer research in the Defense appropriation

At the end of this long year I am deeply grateful to our champions in Congress for increasing the federal commitment to funding for childhood cancer research and for their continued partnership and commitment to this effort as the next appropriation cycle is about to get started.

I wish you a New Year full of Peace, Hope and Health.

Kate

I just found out from my sister that both her and my brother got something an actual email (via Facebook) from our dad over Christmastime. For those of you who are not familiar with my issues with my father, just know that we've been estranged from him for quite some time. There is a long, complicated story associated with it (it's always long and complicated, isn't it? Why can't it just be short and simple?).

So, I just found out he contacted them, and not me. I've yet to hear from my other sister if she heard from him. We're all on Facebook. We're all "friends" with him. I'm interested to see if she heard anything, since her and I bore the brunt of the "estrangedness". Or just plain "strangeness", if you like.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I've tried really hard for many years to get over him and move on. I've got myself a nice, sturdy wall built up so that I don't have to care about him not contacting me. I've got plenty of other people in my life that love me. I don't need his love. Right?

Well, sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong. Sometimes I feel leaks and cracks in my fortress, and stuff leaks through. No more rays of sunshine and rainbows. More grey smog and stale water drops. Mouldy, putrid stuff. I don't like it.

But, what is one to do? I've tried to talk to him. I've written, I've called, I've sent birthday cards and Christmas cards, and just for the hell of it cards. Nothing. Nada. Oh, wait... I take that back. I get accused of being a spoiled, dirty rotten child who can't grow up. I'm completely at fault for everything that happened.

Whatever.

My mission is now to strengthen back up those defenses. I weakened them when I "friended" him on Facebook, I think. When he accepted the "friendship", some small glimmer of hope rose up and thought that maybe Facebook would give a neutral medium for us to start a conversation through, and maybe forge some new version of a relationship. I was mistaken. I haven't even gotten a simple hello since sending him the request.

So, I accept it and try and move forward. I lick my wounds, that I feel at this stage are largely self-inflicted. Bite me once, your fault- bite me twice, my fault type thing.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Repost for Awareness

I don't know this person, and today is the first day I've ever read her blog, but since I am a supporter of anything that would bring about more awareness for cancer, I am going to repost this for her. If you have any positive energy to spare, please take a moment and send it his way.

*********************************************************************************


My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Positive vs Negative

How do you keep a positive face and a positive attitude, when everytime you think it's going to be okay, Life knocks you down and kicks you in the face?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The King of Stephen


So, anyone who has ever been to my house knows that I have about elevnty-billion books of Stephen King. Many are duplicates (NO- I am NOT getting rid of my dupes! They are on purpose!). However, many of them are also falling apart, like the one I showed to my co-workers Monday:
Them: "Is that a library book, Thay??!!"
Me: "Oh, gods, no!"

It just goes to show that I love my Stephen King books, and I read the ever living hell out of them. I recently got Dustin into the Gunslinger series, which he's read in it's entirty. I'm trying to convince him of some of the others I think he'd enjoy. My son has also recently picked up a couple, and I'm trying to convice him of others I think he'd enjoy. So, pretty soon, my books are going to be a pile of rags with half-legible words written on them.

Needless to say, this means I need to start keeping track of which ones I need replaced. (Hey, this will also work for those people who can never figure out what to get me!) So- in no particular order:

Paperbacks I need replaced:

* The Talisman
* Rose Madder
* The Stand
* Four Past Midnight

Hardbacks I don't have paperback copies of:

* Desperation (I actually have a PB, but it's in pretty rough shape.)
* Pet Cemetary
* The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon
* From a Buick 8
* Duma Key
* The Dark Tower
* Song of Suzannah
* Cell
* Lisey's Story
* Hearts in Atlantis
* DreamCatcher

Books of his I don't even have at all (cry):
Wow... there are way more than I thought. I'm such a slacker. I didn't even realize there were so many on audiobook.

Fiction
* Black House I actually got both paperback and hardback! woot!
* Carrie
* Cycle of the Werewolf
* Dolores Clairbone
* Firestarter
* Insomnia Gotta love $0.50 hardbacks!
* Misery
* Plant: Zenith Rising
* Shining (what??)
* Under the Dome

Non-Fiction
* Faithful
* Mid-Life Confidential
* Nightmares in the Sky

Short Story Collections
* Everything's Eventual
* Skeleton Crew
* Stephen King Goes to the Movies

Limited Editions
* Dolan's Cadillac
* Letters From Hell
* Little Sisters of Eluna
* My Pretty Pony
* New Lieutenant's Rap
* The Secretary of Dreams
* Six Stones

As Richard Bachman
* The Bachman Books
* Blaze
* Long Walk
* Rage
* Roadwork
* Running Man
* Thinner

Audio Books
* Apt Pupil
* Blood & Smoke
* the Body
* the Breathing Method
* Chattery Teeth
* the End of the Whole Mess
* Faithful
* the Gingerbread Girl
* House on Maple Street
* It Grows on You
* the Library Policeman
* LT's Theory of Pets
* Man in the Black Suit
* Riding the Bullet
* Stationary Bike
* Sun Dog
* Sorry, Right Number
* Wavedancer Benefit

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sensational Solstice!


It's me. I know, I know- it's been quite awhile since I wrote. I just haven't had it in me. But I'm doing well. Things have been going just as they do. Thanksgiving was spent at my sister's house. The kids were with their dad, but he wound up there too, so I still got to spend it with them. It was nice, and we had some card games after the kids left ( I wouldn't participate in them until the kids left, since alcohol was involved).

Then, Dustin and I discovered that Black Friday would indeed start at 12am with Toys R Us opening and having pretty much all the big-ticket items we had wanted to get for the kids on clearanced pricing. So, we grabbed our stuff, jumped in the car, and headed out there. (Dustin drove, don't worry) While we were in line, a lady had a seizure. Some guy (dressed in black, mind you) was standing in the middle of the road waiting for the ambulance to show. Now, this is Black Friday. At Toys R Us. There are cars EVERYWHERE, and they are NOT looking for some dude standing in the middle of the road. So, Dustin decided he was going to go stand out there with him, since he was wearing his super-reflective work sweater. They looked official then.

We got our items, and stood in crazy lines that were the definition of utter and complete madness. But we got through it in one-piece, and even found other things along the way- such as a coffee cup sitting by the Lego's. I didn't drink it, much as I wanted one.

After Toys R Us, we decided we liked being crazy, and opted to go to Target. Which didn't open until 5. Since Old Navy (which, for some weird reason, I keep trying to call Ebay. I have no idea why, but everytime I open my mouth to say Old Navy- Ebay pops out instead.) opened at 3am, I decided to head over there, thinking it would be rather low-key. O... M... G... I was WRONG! (Note that that would be super underlined if I had that option here). It was a madhouse. I got a couple items, then noticed the line. It was horrible. So I got in it, because I figured I'd waited so long already, I might as well torture myself, too. I was wearing heeled boots. Had I been wearing normal shoes like a normal person I might have had a normal time. Nope. Not me. I'm supreme masochist when it comes to torturing myself during crazy events like Black Friday. I stood in line - to check out - for 2 hours. By the time I got to the checkout I was near tears; my feet hurt so bad. I had picked up a pair of slipper socks that I immediately donned the moment I got out of the store. They helped, but the damage had already been done to my poor tootsies.

So I went to Target.

Oh- I should mention that I found an open coffee place on the way to Old Navy, so at least I had that going for me. However, I'm pretty sure it's that coffee stop that put me so far back in line. It probably wouldn't have saved me from the checkout line madness, though.


Target was pretty bust. I think we got an SD card or something. Maybe some candy.

And that was Black Friday.


Nothing real interesting has happened since. I've got all my Christmas shopping done, save for one more item I found for Dustin that I am going to pick up after work today. (Yeah, like I was going to say what it was. I know you read this baby! Nice try!)

Then I'm finished. And it can be Christmas. And it'll be happy and joyful and magical and all that jazz. And then I get to start worrying about birthdays. Yay!


On another note- today is Cat Herders Day. So for all of you out there herding your cats- we salute you!

Don't forget tomorrow is Barbie & Barney Backlash Day. Whip those toys! It's also National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day, so I think I'm going to coat everything in chocolate and celebrate in sweet sweet bliss.

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