~A Bitter Swallow~

For those of you who are not into juvenile, crude humor, this probably isn't for you. For those of you who are: Watch this video. Just- don't watch it at work, or around kids. Watch it somewhere else first, and then determine whether or not your friends, coworkers and family would be immediately captivated by it's catchy tune, or if they would spank you, or if they would just roll their eyes while boogying and humming along.

clicky:
http://www.getonmyhorse.com/

I got this in my email today, and thought it was pretty kick-ass. So I'm sharing it with you!


Dear Advocates,

Congress completed much of its remaining business before taking a well deserved break for the holidays. Over the course of this legislative year advocates for childhood cancer have worked hard to bring attention and federal funding to childhood cancer. Members of Congress and their staff have also worked hard to address these critical issues and the needs of children with cancer.

Our hard work has resulted in an unprecedented additional $5.6 million in appropriations dedicated to childhood cancer. This is more money than has ever been specifically appropriated by Congress for childhood cancer. These funds come through the following appropriations sources:

Labor Health and Human Services under the provisions of the Caroline Pryce Walker Conquer Childhood Cancer Act:

$3 million directed to the Centers for Disease Control for a pediatric cancer registry, a critical source of information to support research.

$1 million in the office of the Secretary of Health and Human Services to provide much needed outreach, resource and program services for children with cancer and their families.

In addition, the National Cancer Institute received an increase in funding for FY2010, through the Labor Health and Human Services appropriation bill. The estimated amount that will be apportioned specifically for pediatric cancer research will be $4 million above last year's level.

Defense Appropriation
$1.6 million for pediatric cancer research in the Defense appropriation

At the end of this long year I am deeply grateful to our champions in Congress for increasing the federal commitment to funding for childhood cancer research and for their continued partnership and commitment to this effort as the next appropriation cycle is about to get started.

I wish you a New Year full of Peace, Hope and Health.

Kate

I just found out from my sister that both her and my brother got something an actual email (via Facebook) from our dad over Christmastime. For those of you who are not familiar with my issues with my father, just know that we've been estranged from him for quite some time. There is a long, complicated story associated with it (it's always long and complicated, isn't it? Why can't it just be short and simple?).

So, I just found out he contacted them, and not me. I've yet to hear from my other sister if she heard from him. We're all on Facebook. We're all "friends" with him. I'm interested to see if she heard anything, since her and I bore the brunt of the "estrangedness". Or just plain "strangeness", if you like.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I've tried really hard for many years to get over him and move on. I've got myself a nice, sturdy wall built up so that I don't have to care about him not contacting me. I've got plenty of other people in my life that love me. I don't need his love. Right?

Well, sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong. Sometimes I feel leaks and cracks in my fortress, and stuff leaks through. No more rays of sunshine and rainbows. More grey smog and stale water drops. Mouldy, putrid stuff. I don't like it.

But, what is one to do? I've tried to talk to him. I've written, I've called, I've sent birthday cards and Christmas cards, and just for the hell of it cards. Nothing. Nada. Oh, wait... I take that back. I get accused of being a spoiled, dirty rotten child who can't grow up. I'm completely at fault for everything that happened.

Whatever.

My mission is now to strengthen back up those defenses. I weakened them when I "friended" him on Facebook, I think. When he accepted the "friendship", some small glimmer of hope rose up and thought that maybe Facebook would give a neutral medium for us to start a conversation through, and maybe forge some new version of a relationship. I was mistaken. I haven't even gotten a simple hello since sending him the request.

So, I accept it and try and move forward. I lick my wounds, that I feel at this stage are largely self-inflicted. Bite me once, your fault- bite me twice, my fault type thing.

I don't know this person, and today is the first day I've ever read her blog, but since I am a supporter of anything that would bring about more awareness for cancer, I am going to repost this for her. If you have any positive energy to spare, please take a moment and send it his way.

*********************************************************************************


My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

How do you keep a positive face and a positive attitude, when everytime you think it's going to be okay, Life knocks you down and kicks you in the face?

So, anyone who has ever been to my house knows that I have about elevnty-billion books of Stephen King. Many are duplicates (NO- I am NOT getting rid of my dupes! They are on purpose!). However, many of them are also falling apart, like the one I showed to my co-workers Monday:
Them: "Is that a library book, Thay??!!"
Me: "Oh, gods, no!"

It just goes to show that I love my Stephen King books, and I read the ever living hell out of them. I recently got Dustin into the Gunslinger series, which he's read in it's entirty. I'm trying to convince him of some of the others I think he'd enjoy. My son has also recently picked up a couple, and I'm trying to convice him of others I think he'd enjoy. So, pretty soon, my books are going to be a pile of rags with half-legible words written on them.

Needless to say, this means I need to start keeping track of which ones I need replaced. (Hey, this will also work for those people who can never figure out what to get me!) So- in no particular order:

Paperbacks I need replaced:

* The Talisman
* Rose Madder
* The Stand
* Four Past Midnight

Hardbacks I don't have paperback copies of:

* Desperation (I actually have a PB, but it's in pretty rough shape.)
* Pet Cemetary
* The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon
* From a Buick 8
* Duma Key
* The Dark Tower
* Song of Suzannah
* Cell
* Lisey's Story
* Hearts in Atlantis
* DreamCatcher

Books of his I don't even have at all (cry):
Wow... there are way more than I thought. I'm such a slacker. I didn't even realize there were so many on audiobook.

Fiction
* Black House I actually got both paperback and hardback! woot!
* Carrie
* Cycle of the Werewolf
* Dolores Clairbone
* Firestarter
* Insomnia Gotta love $0.50 hardbacks!
* Misery
* Plant: Zenith Rising
* Shining (what??)
* Under the Dome

Non-Fiction
* Faithful
* Mid-Life Confidential
* Nightmares in the Sky

Short Story Collections
* Everything's Eventual
* Skeleton Crew
* Stephen King Goes to the Movies

Limited Editions
* Dolan's Cadillac
* Letters From Hell
* Little Sisters of Eluna
* My Pretty Pony
* New Lieutenant's Rap
* The Secretary of Dreams
* Six Stones

As Richard Bachman
* The Bachman Books
* Blaze
* Long Walk
* Rage
* Roadwork
* Running Man
* Thinner

Audio Books
* Apt Pupil
* Blood & Smoke
* the Body
* the Breathing Method
* Chattery Teeth
* the End of the Whole Mess
* Faithful
* the Gingerbread Girl
* House on Maple Street
* It Grows on You
* the Library Policeman
* LT's Theory of Pets
* Man in the Black Suit
* Riding the Bullet
* Stationary Bike
* Sun Dog
* Sorry, Right Number
* Wavedancer Benefit

It's me. I know, I know- it's been quite awhile since I wrote. I just haven't had it in me. But I'm doing well. Things have been going just as they do. Thanksgiving was spent at my sister's house. The kids were with their dad, but he wound up there too, so I still got to spend it with them. It was nice, and we had some card games after the kids left ( I wouldn't participate in them until the kids left, since alcohol was involved).

Then, Dustin and I discovered that Black Friday would indeed start at 12am with Toys R Us opening and having pretty much all the big-ticket items we had wanted to get for the kids on clearanced pricing. So, we grabbed our stuff, jumped in the car, and headed out there. (Dustin drove, don't worry) While we were in line, a lady had a seizure. Some guy (dressed in black, mind you) was standing in the middle of the road waiting for the ambulance to show. Now, this is Black Friday. At Toys R Us. There are cars EVERYWHERE, and they are NOT looking for some dude standing in the middle of the road. So, Dustin decided he was going to go stand out there with him, since he was wearing his super-reflective work sweater. They looked official then.

We got our items, and stood in crazy lines that were the definition of utter and complete madness. But we got through it in one-piece, and even found other things along the way- such as a coffee cup sitting by the Lego's. I didn't drink it, much as I wanted one.

After Toys R Us, we decided we liked being crazy, and opted to go to Target. Which didn't open until 5. Since Old Navy (which, for some weird reason, I keep trying to call Ebay. I have no idea why, but everytime I open my mouth to say Old Navy- Ebay pops out instead.) opened at 3am, I decided to head over there, thinking it would be rather low-key. O... M... G... I was WRONG! (Note that that would be super underlined if I had that option here). It was a madhouse. I got a couple items, then noticed the line. It was horrible. So I got in it, because I figured I'd waited so long already, I might as well torture myself, too. I was wearing heeled boots. Had I been wearing normal shoes like a normal person I might have had a normal time. Nope. Not me. I'm supreme masochist when it comes to torturing myself during crazy events like Black Friday. I stood in line - to check out - for 2 hours. By the time I got to the checkout I was near tears; my feet hurt so bad. I had picked up a pair of slipper socks that I immediately donned the moment I got out of the store. They helped, but the damage had already been done to my poor tootsies.

So I went to Target.

Oh- I should mention that I found an open coffee place on the way to Old Navy, so at least I had that going for me. However, I'm pretty sure it's that coffee stop that put me so far back in line. It probably wouldn't have saved me from the checkout line madness, though.


Target was pretty bust. I think we got an SD card or something. Maybe some candy.

And that was Black Friday.


Nothing real interesting has happened since. I've got all my Christmas shopping done, save for one more item I found for Dustin that I am going to pick up after work today. (Yeah, like I was going to say what it was. I know you read this baby! Nice try!)

Then I'm finished. And it can be Christmas. And it'll be happy and joyful and magical and all that jazz. And then I get to start worrying about birthdays. Yay!


On another note- today is Cat Herders Day. So for all of you out there herding your cats- we salute you!

Don't forget tomorrow is Barbie & Barney Backlash Day. Whip those toys! It's also National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day, so I think I'm going to coat everything in chocolate and celebrate in sweet sweet bliss.

So, I need to figure out what to do about my doctor visit I need to schedule. I know you don't really want to hear about my medical stuff, but too bad, because I'm going to type it anyway.

I really, really don't like the doctor office I go to. I use to love the doctor I had. He was awesome. He was our family doctor, so everytime any of us went, he was always asking about the others, and sometimes would just do a 2 for 1 right then and there. That's how I got my moles removed- during one of my son's routine vaccination visits. We talked about BBQ. It was awesome.

But, he has moved over to the hospital now. The doctors they have at the clinic now make me uneasy. My last visit, I met my new doctor there for the first time. I got in early, and meticulously filled out the "first-timer" form (mind you, same office, just new doc). I took my time with this form, because there were many issues I needed to bring to light with her. Things like:

Q: When was your last period?
A: I don't know, about 8 or 9 months ago?

Q: What, if any, kind of birth control do you currently use?
A: None
Q: Do you want to change?
A: YES!!

And then various medical questions to do with headaches, depression, heart issues, etc etc etc all with answers that would lead you to believe they shall be discussed.

So, she comes in, gives me a pap smear that lasts for maybe not even a minute, and is out the door. I had to physically stop her to even ask about birth control. She wanted to refer me to someone for something that I can't even remember. She said she was leaving to write up the referral, and she'd be right back. A few moments later, the nurse came back with my birth control prescription and said I was good to go.

Uh, what??? Not even a shrug at the no period for 8 months thing? Nadda. Nothing. She never even read my paperwork. I never got that referral either.

The other doctors there I can't understand. They are from other ethnic origions. Don't get me wrong. In no way am I racist. They make some pretty awesome docs. I'm just absolutely horrible with accents. I cannot understand them. And it makes me feel bad to have them repeat over and over and over again that they now want me to raise my other arm. I really don't want to discuss in depth stuff, ya know?

Okay, which brings me to my dilemma. I had no insurance when I went to this office. So, I get sliding scale rates, which also involve any prescriptions this clinic's doctors prescribe. This brings my $150 birth control bill down to around an average of $30.

As many of you know, I recently got insurance through my work. What I misunderstood was that I have to pay for it. What I thought I'd be getting at no charge actually costs me $250 a month. I will have to drop the insurance, as I just can't afford that. (Luckily, I do get the vision, dental and life insurance no charge, which is where the misunderstanding came to play.) But, I figured since I have been paying for it anyway, that I should utilize it and get myself a doctor whose actually worth something, have him/her check everything out and make sure there's nothing serious going on, and get in somewhere for when I have to drop insurance again, I'll already be established.

However, that makes epic fail on the prescription front.

Thus- the dilemma.

Do I say screw it and go find a doctor who gives a crap about his/her patients and actually reads the charts, and be willing to pay full price for any prescriptions I may need? Or do I make due and save the money? Maybe see about being able to understand one of the others?

Gah.

This sucks.

It's raining outside. Not that that's anything new, being I live in the Pacific Northwest. However, it's really raining outside! I can hear it battering against the windows, trying to barge it's way in. It's just about made it through the ceiling in parts. Let me tell ya, that's not good in any building, but particularly not good in a library. At our staff meeting the other day, we were informed of various leaks around the building. The only solution available to us for the time being: set out buckets. Well, if the power goes out, we have water! They say rain water is the best to wash your hair with.

The lesson to learn from this, those of you reading. VOTE FOR THE LIBRARY LEVY! Whenever they are able to justify putting it back up for option on your election card.

Today is one of those days that make me just want to heat up a pot of tea, curl up in a nice, cozy chair by the window, in front of a nice, warm fireplace, and read a good book or three. The sound of the rain falling, the wind blowing everything down, the tree limbs scrapping the side of the house.... it's all so soothing. I can see in my mind, the lamplight flickering. I have the candles and matches there waiting, just in case the power finally gives up. The teapot of water hangs above the fire, keeping toasty.

Unfortunately, I'm not at home. Home does not have a fireplace, or a woodstove. When the power goes out, it's cold. I have tons of blankets for this reason. There is no fireplace here at work either. Oh, wouldn't that be lovely! A safety issue, as well, I would imagine.


But, I had a bagful of holds come in today, so I'll be set with stuff to do tonight, should the power fail. I'll be wrapped in tons of blankets, and won't have any way to keep my tea warm, but at least I'll have something to occupy myself with! That, and my cupboard full of board games!

I feel like I need to write. I feel like my head is going to explode. There is too much crap in there boiling and threatening to burst out of my skull like a volcano, spewing it's contents everywhere, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Part of my new wellness challenge is to keep track of my mental well-being. It wants me to delve into any stresses I may have, and bring them forth and battle them. I think this is a horrible idea. I have too much stuff in there. I try very hard not to look behind those doors I've closed, locked and barred. My brain is too messed up. Those prisoners are there because I don't want to have to look at them. I don't want to have to face them and hear what they have to say. I don't want to have to admit that they are a part of me.

And with my current state of madness, I feel like I will surely just crumble. I am not strong enough to deal with this. I'm not a strong enough person to know the things I know, and to keep thinking that everything is fine and dandy. I'm also don't want to lose what I've worked so hard to gain. But there are things inside of me that scream and shake and beat on the walls. They make me hear them. They make me know they are there. I don't know how to handle this.

I think some of my headache problems have stemmed from this. From just locking things away and not wanting to deal with them. They push forward, with physical effects on my body.

With my insurance came another perk that allows mental support and health. I have been seriously thinking of finding a therapist to see about helping me with some of this stuff. But that is scary.

I finally got my insurance cards. I looked up some local providers, and plan to make an appointment with a doctor this afternoon. In my haste to find a doctor, I just realized I forgot to look up optometrists and dentists. Oh well.

However, in signing up with the insurance through my workplace, I was able to sign up with a service called "Living Well". It offers incentives for making and maintaining healthy choices. Since I've been trying to do so on my own anyway, I figured this would be a great opportunity for me to get some extra motivation going.

So, I did their assessment test. I actually got a good "score". Better than I thought I would get. I set up a food journal, so I can start keeping track of what I eat and when. It came at a good time, too, as I just got a cookbook containing 200 recipes, all containing less than 200 calories! I figure keeping track of what I eat, and having to actually look at it, might help me to start making better decisions regarding what I put into my body.

I had also just a couple days ago decided to drink more water. I came up with a system for while I'm at work. I am to drink a full 16 ounce bottle of water between each of my breaks. That is about 2 to 2&1/2 hours time. It's going pretty well so far, and ensures that I drink at a minimum, 3 bottles a day. Plus, I have a huge water bottle sitting on my desk at home, that I drink off of all day. The good side of that is not only do I drink more water, but it gets my kids to drink more water as well. The bad side is that my kids drink all my water, so when I go to drink it, it's gone! However, that makes me have to get up and fill it up, so I'll just count that towards keeping active :)

The one area I'm failing miserably in is exercise. I really want to join that Pilate's class. Even moreso- I want a treadmill. I have no idea where I would put it, but I would use that baby. I know I would, which makes me not having it even worse. I have grand ideas of taking a walk every evening... the waning sunlight strewn through our tree laden drive. Yeah right. It's dark by the time I get home now, and the last thing I want to do is go for a walk in the cold. (If you didn't already know, I'm a huge wuss when it comes to cold.) But I need to get active somehow. I need to find something to spark and hold my attention long enough to keep me going. I am one of those people who needs others around to motivate me to keep moving. Others who are also moving, not just cracking a whip while they point and laugh.

So, this is my quest to get healthier, and stay healthier. I need to bunker down and go through those cookbooks and gather ingredients. I need to stop focusing on the cost of the foods, and focus on the cost those high fat "cheap" ones are charging our bodies. I need to pull myself out of my chair and do something. Get creative, get active, get mind-challenged.

I was in the shower this morning, looking at my brain (shut up), and I discovered that it reminded me of a sweater.

You know the type. Warm and cozy. The perfect fit- the one you wear EVERYWHERE! But as time goes on, that sweater takes a lot of beating. It gets caught on something here, something spills on it there. And eventually, the sweater starts to unravel. Bit by bit, little by little, the frayed areas widen and spread. The stains soak through to the inside and harden.

And then one day you pick up that sweater and wonder what the hell happened to it?! You sit down on the edge of your bed and hold it, examining all those holes and fraying edges and stains and wonder if it's repairable. This isn't going to be an easy fix. It's not like you can just throw it in the washer and drier and call it good. No, this is going to take much more introspect and contemplation. This is going to be a challenge!

So you smooth the sweater tenderly on the table, and pick up your trusty needle and thread, maybe a bowl of water and a washcloth to try and clean up the stains. You hold your breath as you make that first stitch, hoping the whole thing doesn't fall apart in your hands, or that you wind up making it worse than it was in the first place.

Or maybe I can just turn it into some mittens or a pillow or something.

Yeah... that's what was going through my head this morning while in the shower.

Shut up.

I've had to stop drinking coffee. While I've been thinking about doing this for awhile for health reasons, since I use so much cream and sugar, the actual having to do it part is bumming me out. But, it is making me too sick to keep trying. It upsets my stomach to the point where I gag while drinking it. The smell is nauseating. The heartburn that comes with it is awful.

But man, I sure do miss my morning ritual of waking up to a pot of coffee, sitting here at the computer and doing my morning email / blog reads, while sipping on that hot Cup 'o Joe. It was a nice, quiet way to start the day. And with the weather turning cold in the mornings now, I am especially missing it.

It's not just coffee that hurts my tummy. Everything I drink has been. Even water. That one is probably more tough for me than coffee. Mostly because I force myself to drink it anyway. Especially at work. Heartburn and all. Yes, even water gives me heartburn to drink.

Which, if it wasn't for the overwhelming nausea coffee gave me, I'd just suck it up and drink the coffee. Water upsets my stomach, but not nearly to that degree.

Soda is out of the question. About the only thing I've noticed that doesn't seem to have an affect is iced tea. So, I'm also thinking I'm going to have to look into hot tea or hot chocolate as my coffee alternative. See how those hot morning cups work out for me and my tummy.

I've been told I should go get my gall bladder looked at. An old friend of mine showed up at the library yesterday, and was telling me about how she had to go get her gall bladder removed soon. She began describing her symptoms from the beginning, and I had to groan, because it was exactly the same thing I've been going through for the past couple weeks. Apparently it gets pretty dang bad. Well, I have to wait until my insurance stuff arrives, and I'm still patiently waiting for that welcome packet. Maybe I need to stop being patient.

She did say she lost 15 pounds in one week though. That's something to be excited about. No pain, no gain right. Or in this case, loss.

Anyway. I should start focusing my mornings on writing. There is just so much distraction around me to write. It's hard, it's frustrating, and I'm lazy. That's just all there is to it. The opportune time for me to write around here is probably the least opportune time for my brain. I don't understand all these writers that talk about waking up and writing for a couple hours right off the bat. It takes my brain that long just to process it's awake. Maybe that's the key though- writing while still part-way in that dream state.

I could wind up with some rather interesting tales.

I need a laptop.

I need a dang cup of coffee!

The kids started school last week. Did I blog about that already? My brain is frazzled and I don't remember. In any event, it went okay, despite my absolute screw-up regarding all facets of the busses. *Sigh* It's better now, I think. Both kids enjoyed thier first week, even though I am not enjoying having to get up at 6am to facilitate thier morning routine. But, it gives me time to facilitate my exercising, which I have been building into my morning routine. It isn't nice, and I really hate myself for it. But, I'm hoping that with time I'll love myself for it. We'll see.

In celebration, we took the kids to the Woodland Park Zoo this past Saturday. It was an okay trip. It started early, and rocky, but we made it through. I spent the day feeling pretty 3rd-wheelish, but overall I think the kids had a good time. It may have run a bit long for them, but it's a learning experience for us next time. As in- next time, PLAN. It's too big to just wander at random. You really need to have a route plotted. But it's a great zoo. We got season passes, so we can try again another time.
Sunday continued Pirate Days in Port Orchard. Well, I guess it's technically known as "Murder Mystery Weekend", but really- we're all there for the pirates. While we missed the big fun stuff that happened on Saturday (while we were at the zoo), we came down Sunday and got to see the children's costume contest, as well as the pet costume contest. It was really quite cute, and I completely agreed with the judge's choices. There were some pretty fantastic costumes. Judging by the attire worn by the adult party-goers, I am rather disappointed that I missed the adult contest. While we were there though, we got a program for an event in Oregon this coming weekend, which we just might go to after I get off work Saturday.

So, another week has started, and is now about half-over for me, which I am thankful for. I enjoy my job, but I need to readjust to this morning wakeup stuff. I'm still trying to track down what time my son's bus arrives in the morning, but other than that things seem to be going smoothly. Tonight is his open house, so I'm planning on stopping by the office and seeing if I can get time verifications while I'm there.

Taken from - CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation


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The Impact of Childhood Cancer

• Cancer is the #1 cause of death by disease in children, cutting short the lives of more children under the age of 20 than any other disease.
• 1 child out of 5 who is diagnosed with cancer dies.
　
• 3 out of 5 children suffer from long-term side effects.
　
• Every school day, 46 young people, or two classrooms of students, are diagnosed with cancer in this country. More than 12,500 children are diagnosed with cancer each year and over 40,000 children and adolescents currently are being treated for childhood cancers.
　
• The average age of a child diagnosed with cancer is six years old; saving the life of a child with cancer gives our children a future; approximately, 66 years of life’s milestones and dreams to celebrate.


Only Research Cures Childhood Cancer

• Each day that cooperative group pediatric cancer research goes under funded the road to discovering new treatments and cures become longer, putting more children at risk.
　
• For the first time since its founding, the decrease in funding to the Children’s Oncology Group moves research to a dangerous level where studies and accompanying laboratory research that hold promise will not take place.
　
• Reduce Enrollment in Clinical Trials: The COG reduced enrollment in our clinical trials by 400 patients in 2007 and put about 20 new studies on hold indefinitely related to resources available to fund them.
　
• At a time when breakthroughs can be made in treating all childhood cancer and the quality of life for children with cancer improved, the continued decline in government funding will endanger the development of new clinical trials and threaten progress in curing childhood cancer.


About CureSearch

• Through public education, advocacy and fundraising, CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation supports the work of the Children’s Oncology Group (COG), the world’s largest cooperative cancer research organization that treats more than 90% of all children with cancer.
　
• The Children’s Oncology Group (COG) unites the best of the academic and clinical research worlds to move the most promising treatments from the lab into clinical trials. This association of more than 5,000 dedicated experts in childhood cancer research and treatment are located at more than 235 leading Children’s Hospitals, the finest University Hospitals and Cancer Centers in the United States. By working together, cure rates are improved at a much faster pace than any one individual or single institution could accomplish alone.
　
• The COG sets the standard of care and allows children with cancer to be treated close to home.
　
• A high level of participation in clinical trials, combined with the quick sharing of information through the Children’s Oncology Group has led to phenomenal improvements in childhood cancer survival rates.
　
• Fifty years ago, a diagnosis of childhood cancer was once a death sentence. Today, as a result of the research of the COG, the cure rate is 78% overall. However, still too many children continue to die.
　
• Together, CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation and the Children’s Oncology Group are committed to conquering childhood cancer through scientific discovery and compassionate care – until we reach the day when every child with cancer is cured and cancer can be prevented.
Each Child Deserves a Chance to Live a Whole Life: We Can Reach the Day When Every Child with Cancer is Guaranteed a Cure!
• The story of childhood cancer is simple—we are within reach of a cure. Medical research tells us that with proper funding levels – we can conquer childhood cancer.
　
• CureSearch is striving to give each child diagnosed with a cancer a whole lifetime of dreams and milestones to celebrate. The death of one more child to cancer is one too many.


For additional information, please visit: www.curesearch.org or email us at info@curesearch.org.

It has come to my attention this evening that I have no friends. I don't say that in a tongue-in-cheek way either. I'm not being goofy, or snarky. Straight up- I have no friends. I have acquaintances- friends of the boyfriend, siblings, coworkers, etc. But I have not one single person up here that I can honestly say is my friend. Believe me, I've sat in my room for the past two hours trying to think of one, and gods be damned, I just can't.

So, I lie there and think back and try to remember when the last time I really had one was. Who is someone that deep down truly gave a shit about me? I can think of only two times in my life when that has happened. When I was about six years old in Onyx, and again when I was about fifteen in Lancaster. Each time, I moved. Far. Too far for real contact to be kept. Those friends from when I was six I have long since lost touch with. And from Lancaster, only two do I still talk to sometimes, and even that is usually just short instant messages or Facebook comments. I doubt either one of them could tell you anything concrete about me these days, just as I probably couldn't tell you anything concrete about either of them.

That's not to say I haven't had people who've been friends since I've been here. I have. But no one that continued to stick by me through thick and thin. I had always held the belief that friendship should be stronger than your damn marriage even. They are your rock when all the others crumble. They are suppose to be there no matter what. None of them have stuck around that long. Not that I blame any of them. They have their own lives to live.

But it makes me wonder just what the hell is wrong with me? What is it about me that makes me so forgetable, or makes people so uncomfortable around me? What is it that makes them smile and be pleasant to my face, but then back slowly away? I try to be a positive person. I try to be caring and open and available for people. I don't know what to do. It's always been this way. I've never made friends easily. I've never kept friends easily. I've always known that they would fade away into the sunset. Try as I might to keep them around, they always fade.

Now, here I sit, tears drying on my face. It's not like a part of me didn't realize this truth already. It's just that at some moments it gets dredged up and smeared across your face like dirty sewage. It's horrible, and it stinks, and you cannot deny it. You try to clean it up, but it's still just a dirty rag stuffed down into the laundry bin somewhere, smoldering. You can bury it as far as you like, but eventually it will make it's way back up to the top.

My coffee pot reminds me of an old man in the morning. I start it working, and it sits there creaking and groaning while it does it's thing. I'm half expecting it to blow up every time I use it now- which would suck, since I defiantly am addicted to my morning coffee. If it does that, it should do it a morning that I work. We have a coffee pot there. I can salvage my brain.

That said, I think Summer may be over now. Even though I knew it was coming, and the "official" start to Fall is just a short stint away, I am not completely ready for it, and it makes me sad. The kids start school again this week, and it will be back to the busy mornings, and busy homework filled evenings. I am expecting even more homework this year, since my son starts junior high. Eeps! I wasn't ready for that either.

On the plus side of this, however, is the fact that Sunday evening, my son comes back home! I'm so excited I just might pee myself. I've missed the hell out of having him around. Every time he went back over to his dad's house this Summer, it broke my heart a little. I'm glad he has his dad around though, for him to go hang out with. I read and hear so often about children whose fathers either up and abandoned them, or whose mothers just won't let their dad see them out of vindiction, or who plain just don't know who the daddy is. It's sad, and I'm so thankful that my relationship with my kids' father is still amicable, one might even call it friendly, and that my kids don't have to suffer like the others do.

My new schedule at work has started this month, and I am excited to receive the information to sign up for the medical plan. I'm not sure how long I have to wait for that, but I'm hoping it's not too long. I so desperately need to get in to be seen by a doctor, a dentist, and an optometrist. It will be so nice to start getting things fixed. And I'm hoping it will cut down on my sick days, since many of those seem to be migraine related. I'm hoping between the doctor and the optometrist, we can get those dealt with.

Anyway, it's a quiet, rainy morning as I sip on my first cup of coffee from my old man coffee pot, and my eyes try to focus on the screen in front of me. I have no idea what I am going to do today, although laundry and a lot of baking are on the agenda.

This is kind of a weird stopping point, but I ran out of things to type, so there ya go!

Ok- here's a rant for you. I'm super annoyed at the label section for Blogger. I try to type something in, like "school", but since I'd used "school helper" before, now it won't let me type just "school". It automatically chooses "school helper". I don't want "school helper"! I want "school"! Sheesh. Is there anyway to turn those auto-things off?!

So, I've been taking these Pilate's classes every Tuesday morning and Thursday evening. I can feel my core strengthening, and I notice that I tend to pull in my tummy and stand/sit up straighter more often now. I also have noticed that my shoulder absolutely and unequivocally does not like this new addition to our weekly routine. It has been howling and kicking and screaming every step of the way. Especially when we are doing the rotator cuff stretches. It makes me wonder again if it is that little bugger that's bugging out, although the medical staff had deemed it something else, although what that something else was, they never would tell. All I know, is it hurts. From the nape of my neck, down into my shoulder blade (all-encompassing), around the front of my chest, down through the top of my shoulder, into my elbow, and radiates down into my palm and fingers. I drop stuff that I hold in that hand often. Not always, but often enough for me to notice, and for others to notice.

Part of me thinks this stubborn reluctance to participate is good. Maybe it will work that sucker out, stretch it out, and make it more pliable and less ouchy. The other part wonders if I'm causing more harm than good. It most certainly feels that way, especially at night when I am trying to sleep. Grrr....

But, oh well. Class only runs for one more week. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when it ends. Probably cry. And my stupid shoulder will dance with joy.

I think the clock is broken. Including the computer clock. They all broke in sync. Stupid clocks.

I'm hungry. I ran out the door yet again with nothing but coffee in my tum-tum. And even that was negligible, as it was rewarmed over from yesterday's pot, and then another cup of instant coffee that I screwed up and put WAY too much coffee in.

So... yeah....

We built some planter boxes that line the front of the house. I say "we", but it was Dustin who built them. We borrowed a truck from some friends, and had it filled with dirt a few times, and there is a truckload sitting at home waiting for me to come back and shovel it into the wheelbarrow, and fill those neat little planters up. I bought some fantastic flowers that are said to attract hummingbirds that I'm going to plant in front of the windows. It is also going to house my dahlias and some iris. We'll see what else I put in there. I'm super excited about it.

On Friday night, we took the kids, along with one of my son's friends, to see Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince. I liked it. Of course, I had a hard time remembering the beginning of it (from the book). I remembered it come the end though. They did a good job with it. Of course, the books are entirely better all around. But for visual stimulation it works.

The next evening we went to some pals' house (the ones that lent us the truck), and had pizza and watched FanBoys. That was pretty funny. Probably even better if you are a big Star Wars fan. Maybe not so much if you prefer Star Trek. I like Wars better. But I'm not fanatical like they are. But made for good movie material.

I'm consistently amazed by the people from my past that continue to come out of the ether on FaceBook. It's awesome seeing these people again, and finding out where their life's path took them. Some aren't so hot, others are fantastic. If you use Facebook and are not already connected to me, and want to be... look up Thaydra. If I don't know you firsthand, throw in a little comment so I know what the heck you want and how you know me! (just mention the blog).


I began taking Pilate's classes through my job. The day after the first class I thought I was going to die. Or at least maybe snap in half (or any number of pieces). But now, I'm amazed at how much my body will do and rebound from. After just one class. I don't know if it is related or not, but it's definitely coinkydinky if not. I'm going to have to figure out what I'm going to do once the class is over. I can't just quit, because I have plans for all this weight loss and six-pack abs.

Ok.. I think that's it. I'll try to get some pictures up of the new flower bed in the next day or so.

Go here: http://thaydra.com/?cat=74

Two new ones. You know you want to.

I was in my room grabbing one of the many hair ties that wind up on my headboard when I go to bed (they were all over there this morning), when I noticed that I have accumulated just about as many books over there as well. Books I've read and finished, and then started the next, only to pile them ontop of each other. There is actually a fine collection of dust covering them now.
This, in turn, reminded me how severely I've been neglecting my thaydra.com website. I use to be pretty regular about posting my book reviews. Now, I'm afraid to even go look at when the last one I posted was, because I'm sure I've read a dozen more that I will have to go back and remember.

Or, I could just start anew, which may be what I do. Starting anew is usually a good thing.

On another note, that is somewhat similar in an entirely different way, I am expecting my son to ask to stay with his dad once the school year starts, too. This thought has given me much stomach upset over the past week or so. It's gotten me rather emotional, I must admit. And it is forcing me to view things from more than just my heart. But it makes me weep, as I did after dropping him off after his doctor appointment yesterday when he said he wanted to go "home" and not to my house. Granted, I know he only wanted to go to his dad's so he could play on the computer, and it had nothing to do with me, myself. He told me as much. But it was the fact that he called that house "home", and mine "your house". Nails in the coffin. Or on the blackboard. It still tore.

I have a need to get out of the house and do something. But everything I attempt to do I find blocked from me. I was going to dig up the front yard and put in a flower bed. However, the ground just isn't giving enough to let up for me. Not to mention, I realized I should probably build it up, instead, to deter the dog from running in it, or using it as his personal bathroom. So I went to the local Lowe's to price materials. It's not horrible, but out of my range at the moment. So, that is put on hold.

There really isn't much to do in my garden that I don't do in the first 15-20 minutes I'm up in the morning while I wait for my coffee. Well, considering how it's going, I'm sure there's tons for me to do, I just don't know what. So, I guess I could browse the Internet for ways to help it, but that is counter-productive to my goal of getting away from this damn thing.

So what am I doing? Sitting here bitching about it on my blog.

By the way, I'm in need of some heavy machinery. Anyone got some? I need to clear out my backyard of all the overgrown grass, brush, and blackberry vines from ground that is lumpy and full of holes. It's scary back there, but would be so nice if I could get it cleared. So much potential! I'd love to throw a little picnic bench out there, and I think there is a perfect hammock area as well. How naive we were when we moved in as to how much actual work this was going to be. The work isn't the issue though, it's being able to get ahold of the stuff we need to get it done. It's way too much to be done by hand.

Ok, I'm going to go figure out something to do besides sit in this chair and stare at my screen. My stuff on Facebook is done, the blogs I follow are read, my email checked, my bills paid. Time to get outside into that sunshine, even if I just sit there and read!

So.. I come home after working all day long. I'm tired. I'm groggy. I feel like a shower is in order. So I wash up. I shave my pits for tomorrow in case I'm walking (which I kinda hope I do). I'm standing in the bathroom afterwards, cleaning out my ears and applying deodorant. You know- typical just-out-of-the-shower crap. That's when I notice blood on my arm. WTF? I look at my pits. No blood. I look at my legs. No blood. I look around my arm. No more blood. Where the... I look down, and there is blood running down my tummy.

My freakin' BOOB is bleeding! Not just my boob, but my freakin' NIPPLE! Epic WTF. Now, for those of you who don't deal with me in reality, I recently had a "girly" visit with my doctor (new doctor) that went so fast I doubt I even had time to blink. I filled out all the first-timer forms. When was your last menstrual cycle? Jan. 2009. What form of birth control do you use? None. Do you want to change that? Yes. Do you get headaches/dizziness/etc? Yes to all- alot. Any history of cancer in your family? Yeah- my maternal grandmother had a brain tumor that killed her. You get the picture.

Sooo.. I'm thinking that question #1 alone is going to get me an hour long visit. She didn't even mention it. In fact- I had to stop her as she flew out the door to ask if I could possibly get a prescription for birth control. I thought she was coming back after getting me a referral. The nurse came back with my prescription for b/c. Now, 2 weeks later- I still have no answers. Not even the results of my test. No referral for the dermatologist (to check my moles to make sure I don't have skin cancer). Nothing.

So... bloody boobs- needless to say- scared the ever-loving shit out of me. And trust me, I don't love shit, so it was hard to find that bugger and poop it out.

I walked into the doorway, and asked LoveBug to come look at it for me. Was it a cut, or was it actually leaking out of my boob? He thinks it's a cut. I think I nicked it when shaving (either when I started or was putting it away). Omg... I feel better now. Although the bastard stings.

I made sure to curse it out for giving me a freakin' heart attack. Damn boobs.

Or something like that. And not raving as in "That was so awesome!" raving. Raving as in "raving mad!". And not mad as in angry- more like crazy. Or something like that.

My desire to write has just about vanished. I haven't written anything in awhile now. I've been saving my word-a-day words, but I haven't been even looking at them. They aren't even printed out. And my stories, well, I've looked at them in my head some, but that's as far as I've been motivated to go with them. Not sure where this funk came from, but it's here. It's not only affecting my writing, but all creativeness in me. I haven't crafted anything. I've made no more jewelry, although I was starting to even like the stuff I was making. I've been wearing it and everything. I do need to go pick up some wire though. I'm all out.

On a good note, my son got his orange belt after his test. It was rough, and it was hard to watch, but he persevered and he got it. He needs to study up on his terminology, but he was nervous as all hell, so forgot a lot of what I know he knew. And it didn't help that I had lost part of his study guide, so some of it he just had to remember from class- which I think he did a good job of doing. Then he got beat up for an hour or so. He got hit a couple of really good ones. One in the stomach that I thought was going to make him throw up. But he stuck with it, and went right back in. I got to snap some of my spirit into his new belt. So did his dad, Dustin, and even his Sister got up there and added some of hers. We were all really proud of him.

The 4th of July was nice. My sister's neighbor across the street owns a fireworks stand, so of course he gets his hands on some good stuff. Therefore, being the nice guy he is (or he could just be a show-off, -I've never met him personally), he puts on a show for the street each year. Then, turns out my best friend from high school's mom lives across the street next door to that guy, and BF was there, so we got to hang out all night and shoot the poo. It was cool. Kids had fun. I had fun. It was Epic Win. Okay, maybe not "epic", but at least "heroic". (If you don't get that, you aren't a gamer, and therefore disowned. Okay, maybe not disowned, but I am shaking a disapproving finger at you and muttering "tsk tsk".)

Work is chugging along like work does. I'm lucky in the aspect that I enjoy my job. I work with fantastic people, and the work I do is enjoyable. I'm still amazed at how lucky I got in landing this job. I'm so use to absolutely abhorring my work, that this is still crazy new to me- and it's been almost 2 years now. Really? Two years already? Holy cow's milk. I was in the Port Orchard Street Scramble this year , which is just running around town kind of like a scavenger hunt for a couple hours in the morning, as part of the Library Team. We were in the Parade again, but you could definitely tell that our hearts just weren't really into it this year. It seems as though there is a pall fallen over the town this year. There is just no oomph or excitement. It's okay though. It usually signals change, and while scary, change is usually good.

The kids' dental work is well under way. My son has to go in Friday to see if they can finally cement his expander in. Hopefully they will. He leaves for Summer Camp with his Boy Scout Troop on Sunday for a week. He's really looking forward to it. He is signed up for a bunch of exciting classes that he's pumped up for. He always has fun on these trips. I think it's great.

Which reminds me, I need to call and cancel his doctor's appointment for Friday. Don't let me forget!

Hmmm.... let's see.. Has anything else been going on that I can write about? I'm not thinking of anything. It's been pretty chillaxed around here as of late. So, I'm going to wrap this up with a nice pretty bow, and post it for your enjoyment. Or to numb your brain. You decide.

Click on it to view full funniness!


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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

So, I grabbed a book from the library the other day that passed through my hands at the check-in station. It's called Taste of Home's "Everyday Light Meals". In an attempt to occupy my daughter during my son's karate class, as well as maybe find dinners to make that she'd actually eat, I had her go through and write down everything that looked appealing to her. I may as well just had her earmark the entire book. She wrote down tons of foods that struck her fancy, and that's saying allot for this picky little eater.

I just may have to go buy the book.

Now I have a long list of items to stock my pantry with, and I am pleased to see that many of the recipies call for similar ingredients, so I do not have to constantly run to the store in order to make each day's meals. I will be able to come home after a busy day, and whip something up with the ingredients on hand. That's super handy! (Please pardon the pun... though it made me giggle inside.)

I'm actually pretty excited to make some of this stuff, and double kudos to the fact that it's light on the calories and thereby my waistline!

Tonight: Pizza from Pizza Hut!

Just what the title says- O.M.G. Three letters. Yeah, okay, so maybe not so fanatical, but still. It may not be the greatest literary achievement ever conceived by (wo)man, but still- it came to me with ease and comfort.

BUT... you can't read it yet. I didn't bring it up here (to my station at the library-where I'm working), so I don't have it to type into here. And even if I did, my thaydra.com is only log-inable from my home computer, because I simply don't have a "Sign-into-me" link on the page. Call me names, that's okay. I'll post it later. It will skip ahead a week or so, but that's okay. I don't mind.

I'm feeling a bit disoriented today. I wouldn't really call it melancholy, but it's akin to it. More of a lost feeling. It's like I'm suspended in a dream state, and not really clear on where I'm suppose to be or what I'm suppose to be doing. Don't take me wrong - I am aware that I need to leave in about 45 minutes to pick up my son and get him to his 1:00 doctor's appointment, and then I am to head to work afterwards. No- it's something deeper than that. It's not even necessarily a bad feeling. Just... awkward.

In any event, I just made myself some breakfast. Tuna and mozzarella cheese with scrabbled eggs. It's pretty tasty.

I haven't been writing. It's horrible. I'm so stuck in a rut, and none of my projects are helping. In fact, they are making me more disheartened and sick with myself, because with each word I write, I hate it more and more. What do you do when you want to write, but the act of writing makes you want to puke?

Anyways.. I'm still working on it.. for those of you following my (ahem) weeklies. I have them around me.. just still stabbing them.

I had every intention of beginning a new Slim-Fast diet today. One for breakfast, and one for lunch, with a baggie of trail mix with extra almonds in it. Yep- that was the plan. I was envisioning a svelte new body in a matter of days! Ok, maybe weeks- but still.



So what happens? I am so woozy I think I'm going to keel over. My head is doing it's light show on me, which is a sign of an impending migraine. Instead of drinking my Slim-Fast and eating my nuts (interesting sentence, there), I head over to Amy's On The Bay next door. I got a soup and salad combo. Sounds like it should be nice and healthy, right? Nope. It's salad with ranch dressing (which is actually probably a healthy enough meal), with clam chowder soup nestled all snug and warm inside of a sourdough bread bowl. Scrumptious!

Okay, now my tummy is nice and full. My brain decided it wouldn't split in fourteen different pieces, and I can see. Worth the fat and calories I'm assuming.



On a wholey different note- the smell of smokers makes me gag. All you smokers out there- quit it! Yuck!

Fate has made it abundantly clear that I am not allowed to have another dog. I'm starting to question whether I should have any animal in my care. Fate is a cruel, cruel bitch.

Are you happy now, Fate? You win.

Oh, and by the way Fate- FUCK YOU!

My dog took off yesterday morning. She's normally very good about going into her "kennel", which also happens to double as my laundry (*cough*) room. As well as those two functions, it also houses the door out to my carport. However, yesterday, she decided she didn't want to be there for three hours, so she bolted out the door and into the long grassy meadow (By meadow, I mean my highly unkept, unmown yard out back. The grass there is taller than me.). Damn. I was already running late getting the kids out the door. They needed to get to school, and I needed to get to work to do the cash register business. Needless to say, I had neither the time or inclination to be running after a wayward dog all morning long.

My kids and I braved the jungle for a while. We strode up and down the road calling her. But alas, she was too content with running wild. I, having already been at the end of my nerve quota already, was fed up. Too much frustration, and other obligations to be met, so (dare I admit), I packed the kids into the car and left, content with the hope that having our other dog tied up outside would be enough to lure her home.

I dropped the kids off at school, and drove to work. I caught my boss as she came in, and told her my tale of imminent woe, and asked if I could leave after getting the cash report finished. Since I have the best boss in the world (she doesn't read this, so no, I'm not kissing up), she said "absolutely!" (okay, I don't remember exactly her wording verbatim, but that is close enough). So, I clocked in two hours of vacation time, and drove home to find the escapee dog in question lounging in my carport, tail wagging, looking at me as if there was nothing in the world wrong with this entire operation. I was relieved that she was home, but part of me balked at the fact that I didn't even have to set foot out of my car and call her, in a way at least justifying my impromptu time off and vacation leave wasted. Oh well.


So, crisis averted, I went back to the arduous task of shopping and internet surfing. It was horrible...

Now, I suspect she got into something icky, because she's vomiting. Everywhere. I have a pretty strong tummy when it comes to gross stuff. I can handle most everything. This isn't one of them. I gagged. It wasn't pretty. I began to worry that she had gotten into something bad. She was getting listless, and wasn't eating. She threw up a lot. This morning, however, she started to seem better. She was drinking and seemed to get her appetite back. I tied her up out front today, in the fenced area. I am hoping that she doesn't chew through her leash, and if she does, that she doesn't discover how to jump the fence. I have faith. I have to.

Ok... so there's the dog vomit story. How about on to more pleasant things before I get to go eat?

Today is Tuesday. It is, really. I promise. Consult with your calendar if you don't believe me. If it disagrees, then you don't know how to look at a calendar. Or it's no longer Tuesday, but you can't fault me for that. You are late. How dare you?

Anyway... this particular Tuesday marks the end of Friday and Saturday workdays for me! At least for awhile. How long, who knows? But for the meantime, I have my Friday and Saturdays off! Yay me! A coworker of mine asked if she could work them in exchange for her Tuesdays. Are you kidding me- you have to ask?! LOL. It will be nice to have my weekends free again. Especially since I have been unable to have my kid-free weekends open for "alone" time with Dustin. Now we can do stuff! And not just that stuff (you all are pervs... seriously). Speaking of which, don't let me forget to reschedule my doctor appointment. My boy is graduating 6th grade, and of course, it's scheduled right smack over my appointment. Priorites. Boy first, then doctor!

And speaking of Dustin, his work has him out at Mt. Rainier for six(ish) weeks! At least they are paying hotel, etc... but I don't get to see him during the week (I'm making a pouty, sad face. You can't see it, but I am.). He does get to come home Thursday night, and stay until Sunday night or Monday morning. So at least I get to actually see him now that my weekends are free :)

That's it for now. Carry on.

I finally got my writing task from last week's words up. I hate it, but it's there. I tried. If you are interested in this type of thing- it's here: Word Week 3


I need to set up a link on here somewhere just to my weekly wordy stuffs, so I don't have to feel the need to post about posting them. I'll work on that sometime this week. Or I'll just stop posting about it and figure those who are interested have bookmarked it by now. Either way =)

In any event, it's absolutely GORGEOUS outside, so I'm going to go spend my time out there now. Yard work, sitting in the sun writing, yard work, basking, yard work... what could be better? Company maybe, but I'll make due with what is given me!

Tomorrow is not only Memorial Day- it is also Nerd/Geek Pride Day! I am including the manifesto that I copied off of Wikipedia. Now go get your Geek on!

A manifesto was created to celebrate the first Nerd Pride Day which included the following list of basic rights and responsibilities of nerds.[1]



Rights:
1. The right to be even nerdier.
2. The right to not leave your house.
3. The right to not have a significant other and to be a virgin.
4. The right to not like football or any other sport.
5. The right to associate with other nerds.
6. The right to have few friends (or none at all).
7. The right to have all the nerdy friends that you want.
8. The right to not be "in-style."
9. The right to be overweight and have poor eyesight.
10. The right to show off your nerdiness.
11. The right to make an attempt at being as nerdy as Morgana Summers, and the right to fail. (Topher Stumph came quite close, but he too, failed).
12. The right to develop serious crushes on Randall Munroe, Shane Carruth & Bo Burnam, as opposed to say... James Franco. (See 11).
13. The right to carry a Thesaurus with you at all times, as opposed to an iPhone. (See 11)
14. The right to execute shameless self advertisement via the Wikipedia Geek Pride Day page. (See 11).
15. The right to falsely assume the surnames Finkleton, Waldman, Stratzer and Krukemeyer.
16. The right to take over the world.


Responsibilities:
1. Be a nerd, no matter what.
2. Try and be nerdier than anyone else.
3. If there is a discussion about something nerdy, you must give your opinion.
4. Save any and all nerdy things you have.
5. Do everything you can to show off your nerdy stuff as though it were a "museum of nerdiness."
6. Don't be a generalized nerd. You must specialize in something.
7. Attend every nerdy movie on opening night and buy every nerdy book before anyone else.
8. Wait in line on every opening night. If you can go in costume or at least with a related t-shirt, all the better.
9. Don't waste your time on anything not related to nerddom.
10. Befriend any person or persons bearing any physical similarities to comic book or sci-fi figures.
11. Try to take over the world!


Another reason to celebrate on this day- It's the Cookie Monster's birthday! So- go be geeky and have some Cookie Cake! Yum!

Have you ever had those moments where you are truly struck by the error of your life? When you are hit full force by the realization that the life you live is not the life you are meant for? Or that your soul pleads for?

I am having one of those moments, and it makes my Spirit mourn. I don't belong here. Yet- I am unsure how to remedy it.

The Sun is out and shining though, and I have the day to go frolic at the lake with my family. So times are not bad. Just not where they should be. That's okay though. Let this moment of frustration, too, pass.

I have a story line I am suppose to be working on. I'm not going very well at it. I have a horrible tendency to over think things. I don't want to be one of those writers that over describes everything. But at the same time, I don't want to be too shallow, either. I know I should just put it all in there. That is what editing is for, is it not?

But, my over-critical self reads too much into what I write. I suppose I should just allow myself to immerse myself into the scenes in my head. I should let myself paint those pictures on the paper- no matter how minute the importance. I can always go back through later and erase. I hate erasing.

I am looking into the workings of the brain. I wish I could find information on puberty that isn't solely devoted to sex. I am sure I can find info off the Internet, but I never feel wholly confident in what I find on there.

Now I also get to do light research into the voodoos and hoodoos of countries like Africa. That part I think will be fun.

Well, here we go. I promised to take my "word of the day"s each week and combine them into a singular post. I worked on this today. I must admit, I threw it together in about a half hour, because I had forgotten about it. So, it's a bit muddy, but I know you'll forgive me.

This weeks words are as follows:
brachiate , wend , pretermite , cadge , dissimulate , munificent , exigency , bombinate , odium , abnegate , unctuous , querulous


I have a tendency to bombinate on and on in my head about my odium for the stagnation my life has become. For some, life has an unctuous quality, allowing them to sail smoothly through without complaint.
I, however, am quite querelous about the exigency of changing myself. I have been wending my way through life, brachiating from one path to the other without much thought to my own welfare or happiness. I have been munificent on doing whatever it takes to please everyone around me, while being pretermit about what needs to be done for me, thereby abinegating my own sense of satisfaction or contentment.
Consequently, I have been on somewhat of a subconscious level reaching out to others, dissimulating my attempts to cade them into saving me from allowing my sense of of Self to wither away.