~A Bitter Swallow~

 Yesterday was hard.  Yesterday was a bad day.   I woke up groggy, having been deep in sleep when the alarm went off.  My body was not ready to be awake, and I really had to fight to keep my eyes open and to make my limbs move to get up.  I am not a morning person by any means, but this was unusual.  I was in pain from the moment I moved, my shoulder and neck area on the left completely pissed off.  It was the deep, sinking kind of pain.  The kind that makes me horribly ill to my stomach. 

 I got up, started my coffee.  My son was already up, having woke an hour earlier than normal not realizing it himself.   The day was dreary, overcast with little sunlight.  It was at least dry.  He got off to school on time, and I got my daughter up and off to school.   At least that whole affair was uneventful, as usual.  They never give me issue. 

However, for some reason, my brain was just not prepared for nor interested in the day.   My emotions were haywire, which I'm sure was in some part the result of all the pain.  My shoulders and neck have been paining me for days.  It was bound to catch up with me.  Add into that the disturbed sleep, the dreary day, and the stresses that I've been dealing with.  I broke down a few times.  I could not get motivated, though I forced myself to get the housework I needed done complete.  I was even able to make dinner and have it be successful.  What I could not do was cheer up, or relax, or even really focus or think clearly.  My entire body seemed to be out of whack, right down to the molecular level.  I felt pulled and stretched and twisted into all different directions.  Nothing was within my control. 

My brain seems to be in a bit better state of repair today, by a bit.  The pain is now in the other shoulder as well, though.  Luckily, due to scheduling shifts last week, I do not need to be in to work until much later today, and I will only be there a short while.  So, I am hopeful that I will be able to function enough to make it through that.  Tomorrow, however, I am working all day, and much of it will be physical.  I am hoping that doing physical work will be easier on me.  It seems strange that I would prefer the physical work when in so much pain, especially when the physical-ness of it will be mostly utilizing the area that hurts.  However, the effects whatever this is has on me is so much more in the mental department.  I find it hard to focus, to think, to process...  and I can tell it's happening and it is so incredibly frustrating.  The more I try to reign it in and make my brain work, the more it rebels, and then the stomach queasiness and that feeling of my body twisting and breaking and atomizing gets worse.  Which is why I was able to get the housework done yesterday despite my lack of motivation.  Moving means I can kind of go into auto-pilot, and let my brain relax and do whatever it is it needs to do.  Conserve the energy so it can use it to heal itself, I suppose.

  I started taking vitamins again yesterday.   A good, all-around multivitamin for the three of us, and then additional Vitamin D (with Fish oil) and a B-Complex mix for myself.  I may have the kids start taking the vitamin D once the weather turns dark again in a few months.   I am very much affected by the lack of good weather here.   There are only about 3-4 months out of the year that the weather is nice, dry and actually sunny and warm.  Those months I thrive.  I could spend all day(s) just lounging at the lake, basking in the sunshine.   I would say I have that Seasonal Affective Disorder, but it's hard to tell, because that dreary "season" is pretty much autumn through spring.  I do know that I always have tons more energy and a feeling of well-being, and I even think something bordering on the verge of actual happiness, during the summertime.  Or, whenever the weather makes a turn for the better.  I also know that after that good turn comes, when the bad weather strikes again, it hits me harder, too.  

But what do you do when that dreary season is 9 months long??




  On the advice of my sister (who is not a doctor, but I'm starting to mistrust most of them anyway), I started taking Vitamin D;  A little dose of sunshine that may not be given by the actual appearance of the sun.  I suppose it will be hard to tell whether or not it is actually making a difference, since it seems the warmer weather is peeking into us a bit early (though, I am really trying to not get used to it.  The weather here is notorious for giving a few days tease, and then taking it away again for weeks).  However, my hope is that by the time the dreary season comes back, I will have enough sunshine dosed up in me to counteract the blackness those clouds, rain and cold bring me. 

   

 


Today was one of those beautiful Northwest days.  The kind that catches those tourists who happen to come at the right time, and reels them in.  It was sunny, warm but not hot (it IS still Sping).  I took a walk this late morning, down to the Farmer's Market.  The air was still chilly enough to warrant a sweater, but the day was bright.  The sky a stark turquoise, the water deep blue. As I walked down the hill I watched white boat sails slice through the ocean, the sun twinkling so much off the waters, I almost feared it would give me a migraine.   I came home empty handed.  I hadn't really figured I'd be buying anything today.  It was the walk I was after.  Down the hill, around the market, and back up the hill.  A Little League baseball game or three was going on at the park, so it was neat to listen to the crack of the bat hitting the ball, and the cheers of the audience as the players ran the bases, or made the catch or throw.  

The kids were up when I got home, so we made banana -chocolate -chip pancakes and bacon for a late breakfast. Then we tackled cleaning the garage and mowing the lawn.  That got done much sooner than I had expected, but it was entirely too nice outside to go inside.  Instead, my son brought a chair, table, and my laptop outside to work on his homework.  My daughter and I just lounged around on the grass, soaking in the sun.  We don't see much of that sun thing around here.  It is a must to take advantage of it when it shows up.  

After awhile, the day was just too nice to sit around, and the kids got up and started playing with sticks and branches, sword-fighting each other.  Then the frisbee came out, and the three of us dashed around, throwing and catching it.  I. Suck. At. Frisbee.   I cannot throw it properly to save my life.  It made for quite a few belly laughs.  My daughter was throwing it to tear people's fingers off if they tried to catch it, so instead my son and I would tend to dodge her throws.  My son, as tall as he is, kept throwing it over the fence, and then would have to run and get it.

One of my favorite things to do during these sunny days is to just close my eyes and listen to the sounds.   Especially the birdsong. I love listening to them tweet and chirp and sing to one another, answering each other.  It is so beautiful and freeing.  I love the other sounds, too:  someone running a lawnmower, the aforementined crack of the baseball bat and cheers of the crowd, young children running and laughing as they play somewhere, the sizzle of a grill and the clink of ice in the glass, bees buzzing from flower to flower...  It all takes me back to when I was young.  To the days when I was a child, running through the park with my friends, giving birds the cats had gotten burials, playing superheroes, lying on a fallen tree trunk in a field with the sway of the tall dry grasses around me, or sunning on a large boulder at Rocky Mountain next to the snakes.   Back in the days when I had nothing to care about or worry about, other than making it home in time for dinner.  Back when things were uncomplicated. 

I really hope that my children are developing memories like that.  It is my goal this year to not be indoors on nice days.  I want to make it a point to take absolute full advantage of nice weather when we get it.  Even it that just means standing outside badly throwing frisbees at each other.  The computers and Ipods and Kindles and video games will still be inside when the sun goes down.

  I tried my hand at making some homemade laundry soap today.   4 ingredients and I got about 2 gallons worth of laundry soap.  Supposedly it only takes about 1/2 cup of soap per load, and works super well.  I've yet to try it out, since I had started the only load of laundry I have already this morning.  So, I'll have to update that part later.  I've heard good things though, so I'm kind of excited. 

  See the entire post here, complete with walk-thru pictures:  One Good Thing
Take a look around her blog, too.  It's got some great stuff!!


What you need:

1 bar of soap.  I used Ivory.
1 cup borax
1 cup washing soda
8 cups hot water, plus lots more


What you do:

I highly recommend you have all of your soap, borax, and washing soda measured out and ready to go before starting.

Grate the bar of soap into a large pot.  Add the 8 cups of hot water and bring to a slow boil.  Keep an eye on this, because once it starts to boil, it foams up a lot!!  I turned around to measure the washing soda and it boiled over on me. 

Add the borax and washing soda.  Return to a boil.  Remove from stove. 

Divide between two containers.  I used old, mostly rinsed out laundry soap containers I still had.  The blogger I got this from used rinsed out gallon-sized orange juice containers.   The division doesn't have to be exact.  Once the soap is divided between the two containers, fill them the remainder of the way with water. 

Top the containers and shake well.  Shake before each use. 

That's it!!



Like I mentioned,  I haven't used it yet.  I will update this post once I do!