Ok, so that whole "100 Days" thing didn't work out so well for me. I've started to notice that I don't do well with things when they start to become "required" of me- even if those requirements come from myself. As soon as I try to start "making" myself do something, it's like my entire being rebels as much as possible. I think my inner child is a tweenager.
I recently discovered that I am possible seriously allergic to metronidazole. Or at least I had many of the "severe" reactions that should have prompted me to discontinue the medication and call my doctor, had I known what I was experiencing was a reaction to the medication and not me losing my freaking mind. I've highlighted the symptoms I experienced.
"Dizziness, headache, diarrhea, nausea, stomach pain, loss of appetite, constipation, changes in taste, and dry mouth may occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, notify your doctor or pharmacist promptly."
I had headache (which I always have, so could have been unrelated), nausea (again, that's normal for me), changes in taste (that was weird.. I had a hard time even drinking water), and dry mouth.
"Tell your doctor immediately if any of these unlikely but serious side effects occur: unsteadiness, seizures, mental/mood changes (such as confusion), numbness/tingling of hands/feet, painful urination.
Tell your doctor immediately if any of these rare but very serious side effects occur: eye pain, severe/persistent headache, sudden vision changes, stiff/painful neck, sore throat, persistent fever, unusual bleeding/bruising, severe stomach pain, persistent nausea/vomiting.
A very serious allergic reaction
to this drug is unlikely, but seek immediate medical attention if it
occurs. Symptoms of a serious allergic reaction may include: rash, itching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing."
This is where it got interesting. I'm going to copy and paste what I posted on my Facebook page.
"I
have another story about something that happened to me today. It kind
of freaked me out a bit, so maybe one of you out there have experienced
it or something. I was sitting at the desk at work, already not
feeling well (headache and stomachache). Suddenly I got this pressure
in my right eye. The only way I can think of to describe it is that it
felt like it bubbled up... like a balloon or someone
blowing bubbles. It made me think of fish eyes. My vision got all
distorted, and my head went all weird. It was like being in a
kaleidoscope, complete with the turning. I blinked a couple of times,
hoping it would clear, but it didn't. It got worse. I had to get up and
go hide in the back room, close my eyes, and force myself to breathe
calmly. After five or so minutes I was finally able to see enough to go
back to work. I was honestly afraid for a bit there that I was going
to have to go get someone to take me to the hospital.. I will say that,
other than the preceding and following headache (it got worse after,
for sure), it never actually hurt. It was just pressure but mostly that
whole tilted feeling/vision. Yesterday I started to feel ill, and it
came on sudden. I've felt crappy all day today (especially after
aforementioned experience) and just feel 100% off-kilter.. I'm not sure
what is going on... If it happens again, I will go see a doctor."
I'm not even sure which of those symptoms that covers, but I see things about vision changes, eye pain, confusion, etc... That whole thing freaked me the fuck out, to put it lightly. I thought I was stroking out.
Then, I actually had to call out of work on Monday, because I honestly thought I was losing my fucking mind. I can't even explain why I felt that way, but my head was so unscrewed that I could not handle it anymore.
Now, I'm sure that I already have enough mental crap going on in my head. I picked a really messed up time to take that medication. My emotional / mental state was already unsteady. Then I went and threw that on top of it, and holy shit. I never, ever , ever want to experience that again. I felt like I had been on meth for a couple weeks nonstop... so the twitchy, shaky feeling combined with the not sleeping or eating for days on end, etc etc. It was not a good feeling at all. To say that it was a relief to discover that all of the symptoms I was experiencing were most likely caused by the antibiotic would be like saying a Wizard of Oz style tornado is a soft breeze...
I realized on the last day of my treatment that I had a rash, and then noticed that I had been having trouble breathing (I noticed these before being made aware of the side effects of the drug). It was like I could not take a full breath, and that my lungs just could not fill with the oxygen they wanted.
So, take this as a public awareness notice- if you get prescribed metronidazole and start going insane... call your doctor. Chances are it's just the drug. Or you might be going insane. Either way, your doc should probably be made aware.
Surprisingly, I still made myself get onto my treadmill for at least 15 minutes of actual jog/run time most every day. I did take the weekend off, but I don't feel guilty about that. I've kept myself active, and gotten shit done. I got all of my plants transplanted into their respective garden beds/ planters. I've gotten the birdcage cleaned out and will begin my fairy house in it this week. I'm getting outside and enjoying the weather when it's nice, and doing stuff around the house that needs to get done. I need to be more on top of food, though, and getting my water drank. I'm pretty sure I'm getting rather dehydrated.
Five things I am grateful for:
1. Being paid to walk in the sunshine and ogle gorgeous houses.
2. Great coworkers
3. Learning new things about my town.
4. Finding great books that speak to me.
5. Naps
What did I cross off my list today?
.
I took my measurements down. After watching and reading quite a few reviews about that Javita coffee, I decided to go ahead and try it for a month or so. I plan to remeasure myself at the end of the first box and see if there is any difference.
What did I do today that makes me happy?
I got to walk in the sunshine. Sure- I was working, but it was so nice out!!
What made me laugh?
What new thing did I learn today?
That one of the houses nearby is the first house built in town. Also that there are Native American graves (unmarked) in this little undeveloped area downtown. Now I know why it's never had anything done with it
What physical activity did I do?
I also got to do quite a bit of walking (and stair climbing) for work today while we were out doorbelling. I did walk to work, but caught a ride home.
How was my diet?
Not too bad. I need to work on getting more water in me, though.
What inspired me? Why?
The sunshine. When you live in an area that doesn't get many days like this, you have to take advantage!
Last night was spent with a bottle of wine and crying myself to sleep. It's amazing to me how I keep getting myself caught up in this shit. I'm so guarded around people, specifically men. My friends tell me I need to loosen up, let things flow, and let things happen. I need to let down my walls and let people in. However, whenever I do that, I'm quickly reminded as to why those walls are built so high around me in the first place. Yesterday was a prime example. Well, the past couple of days.
Regardless, I am not going to let it put a damper on me acknowledging what is still precious and good in my life. I'm still going to acknowledge ways in which I allow myself to move forward. I'm still going to smile and laugh and love those who have stayed by my side. I let myself wallow last night. I drank my wine (on an empty stomach), and I cried on a shoulder of a guy friend I've never met, but who "sat" with me the entire time and let me vent (through texts, but hey.. it worked). I let it all out of my system. I feel cleansed. I expelled all (well mostly all) of that negative energy, and now I can let myself be refilled with positive energy again.
Five things I am grateful for:
1. Sunny days, even if weird people come wandering half-into my home.... =/
2. Awesome coworkers
3. Recipes that work.
4. Sweaters
5. A clean kitchen
What did I cross off my list today?
.
I got out and scrubbed the front porch, steps, and railing today. It's not completely spotless, but it looks way better than it did this morning.
What did I do today that makes me happy?
Opened the door and curtains to let the sunshine and fresh air in, and took a nap.
What made me laugh?
What new thing did I learn today?
That if you take ripe strawberries, dip them into sour cream, and then dip them into brown sugar, it is freaking delicious.
What physical activity did I do?
Considering the fact that my arms still hurt from scrubbing the front porch, I'm thinking that counts as my physical activity.
How was my diet?
My breakfast consisted of a vegetarian egg casserole and fruit. Dinner was chicken and homemade mac n cheese. Not fantastic, but not dreadful.
What inspired me? Why?
Especially in light of recent events, I sometimes have to remind myself that it is perfectly acceptable to walk my path alone without a mate/partner. It doesn't make me any less of a person. Some things just need to be done on my own. This chapter (or perhaps the next few chapters) are solo.
I had a migraine today. So much so that I had to leave work early. Luckily, I had some time I needed to take off for an upcoming meeting, so I used those hours today. I came home and discovered that my kids' dad isn't picking them up until tomorrow night, so I had to figure out something for dinner as well. Pizza it was, which is against my "diet", and my desire to stop spending money on "going out to eat". Oh well.
The highlight of my night, though, came in the form of discovering that someone I thought actually might give a shit decided that playing his video game, that he plays every week, and played all night last night, was more important than spending time with me. Even though the time we have left is limited. I was already starting to think that unless sex was involved, he could give a rat's ass anymore. Now I guess sex doesn't even matter. So, that's how my night went. I'm going to try to not let all this drama fuckery compromise my attempt at keeping up with the positive stuff below.
Five things I am grateful for:
1. Having a job with coworkers who understand migraines and the havoc they wreck, allowing me to leave early.
2. Having friends who will come pick my ass up because I'm leaving work early due to above-mentioned headache, and it's pissing rain outside and I walked.
3. Wine. Unfortunately, I have none.
4. Dark, quiet rooms. I worked in one today, and I'm in one now.
5. A place where I can vent.
What did I cross off my list today?
.
It wasn't on my list, but I had a doctor's appointment today that I had been putting off. It alleviated some concerns of mine, and while I'm still not 100% in the clear until all the results are back, the prognosis is pretty spiffy.
What did I do today that makes me happy?
Came home early. That made me happy.
What made me laugh?
What new thing did I learn today?
That nicotine might be helpful to people with Alzheimer's and dementia. Of course, you shouldn't go start lighting up just yet. They are hoping to eventually isolate the helpful component.
What physical activity did I do?
I got 20 total minutes on my treadmill today. 2 minutes warm-up (1 minute at 2mph, and 1 minute at 3mph), 15 minutes of jogging at 4mph, 1 minute cool-down at 3.5mph, 1 minute at 3mph, and 1 minute at 2.5mph.
Then this video for stretching.
Granted, it's less time all around than yesterday, but I also started my jog with the beginnings of a migraine, so I don't feel too horrible about it. I'm pretty happy that I got anything done at all. LOL
How was my diet?
Meh.
What inspired me? Why?
Five things I am grateful for:
1. Being able to teach my son something creative. I showed him how to make paper roses last night, because he wanted to make some for his girlfriend (they just had their first anniversary). He made some beautiful ones!
2. My alarm clock. While I hate it, I would never have gotten up in time today to get the kids off to school.
3. Naps. Also the fact that I have time to take one today before work. =)
4. It's supposed to be in the mid-60s today. Although I'll be stuck inside at work, it is still nice to know that the warmer weather is coming, even if it's supposed to be 10 degrees cooler by my day off.
5. Friends that bring me coffee in the morning. =D
What did I cross off my list today?
.
I went through the tupperware containers and cleaned that area out. I also went through my baking/casserole dishes and miscellaneous cabinets. I didn't have to take out too much, but now it's all organized, and I know what I have, can see it, and easily get to it. =)
What did I do today that makes me happy?
I sat outside in the sunshine during my lunch break. It was so nice out!!
What made me laugh?
What new thing did I learn today?
About necrophilia.
It won't let me put in the link from YouTube, so just follow This Link Here. You know you want to.
What physical activity did I do?
I did a total of 25 minutes on my treadmill. 2 minutes warm-up walking at 2.5 mph. Then 18 minutes of jogging at 4 mph. I then reduced by 0.5mph each minute afterwards as a cool down. The total distance was 1.5 miles.
Then I did the following beginner's yoga video, which is more of a gentle stretching. It wasn't as full of a stretch as I would have liked, but it was enough for now. I might try to do a more all-encompassing one when I get home from work later if I can find one.
I also walked to and from work.
How was my diet?
I drank a 20oz bottle of water before leaving for work. I also drank a large smoothie full of kale, strawberries, mango, pineapple, peas, blueberries, cranberry juice, and water. It went with a piece of toast lightly buttered with honey, and a couple of fried eggs.
I drank 3 more 20oz bottles of water while at work, and for lunch/dinner had my homemade Zuppa Toscana. All in all, pretty decent, I think.
What inspired me? Why?
I want to do this for my children. I want to be someone they look up to. Someone they look at and say, "You know what, despite everything, she did it. She didn't give up." I want to be a good example for them. I want to be a good role model. I know they, especially my daughter, will be looking to me for how to act, how to be a woman. I remind myself this whenever I start giving up on myself, whenever I start feeling down on myself. I think of what advice I would give her (and my son), what I would hope they would do, how they would react. Then I try to model that.
Friday night I got to work the teen lock-in at the library with a couple of workers, and a whole slew of teens, including my own. It was a ton of fun. Back to the Future II, pizza, and an 80s themed disco dance party. The only drawback to the whole thing was that I had to work 3pm to 11pm Friday night, and then turn around and be back at work at 8am the next morning. Needless to say, I was a bit tired. Another coworker had pity on me and bought me a coffee mid-shift to keep me going. All of my coworkers are seriously awesome, by the way.
However, I don't think it's surprising that I didn't get to my "dailies" Friday or Saturday. By the time I got home from work yesterday, I was pretty much done. I showered, got into my jammies, and vegged on the couch watching Grimm and the X-Files until I took my book to bed and finished it. Oh, I did clean the kitchen and make dinner, so I did accomplish some stuff before being completely useless for the rest of the evening. :)
Five things I am grateful for:
1. Sleep
2. Coffee
3. Payday
4. Being paid to do things like the teen lock-in
5. A clean kitchen
What did I cross off my list today?
.
Nothing. I'm bad. I know.
What did I do today that makes me happy?
I went out for coffee with a good friend. We took her girls to the park and had some much needed girl talk..
What made me laugh?
This. Just.. you might not want to watch it at work.
What new thing did I learn today?
That the guy who invented the Pringles can was cremated and buried in one when he died. Or that canola oil was originally called rapeseed oil. That 25% of an apples volume is air, which is why they float in water. Apparently I didn't correctly put in the link, and now I don't remember where I learned all that. It was probably Mental Floss, though. Same place as the video above.
Oh, and all the stuff in the above video...
What physical activity did I do?
Nothing. I walked over to the birthday party, which is just around the corner, and back. Not really exercise, but it got me some fresh air.
How was my diet?
.....
What inspired me? Why?
Nothing really today. I got a good night's rest though, even if I did wake up stupid early.
I'm not sure why I woke up so early this morning. 7:30am on a Sunday morning, which is my day off, is not cool. What's even more not cool is the fact that I've been rather emotional today. There are things going rounds in my head that I've been desperately trying to ignore, and they are all pushing to the surface this morning, vying for attention.
It doesn't help that I got paid today, so decided to pay my bills. I was hoping to put everything on auto-pay through my main credit card, and then I could just make bi-weekly large deposits into that account and take some of the stress off of remembering to pay them, figuring out which ones to do, and dealing with fines for forgetting. Unfortunately, most of them will not do auto-pay with a credit card, so that's fucked. Then, as I was adding up all I owe, I realized I owe more than I originally thought. Then (there's a few "thens") I looked at my student loan bill, from 17 years ago, and realized I've barely paid it down, because of the fucking interest. I haven't even worked in that field for maybe 10 years now. It's frustrating.
Then, because my mind is already starting to freak out over the whole money thing, it riles up all the other thoughts that have been duking it out up there, and then a whole brawl starts. Things like where I'm at, where I'm going, past relationships, the lack of current ones (not just romantic but in general) and all that other shit gets stirred up. Each of them take their turn in the spotlight, reminding me of why I try not to think about this shit, but they've pretty much got me in a headlock, tied to a chair, and have placed toothpicks in my eyelids to keep them open and watch.
It's times like this when I just want to get into my car and drive. Far. Far away. Start over. Of course, not only would my kids kill me if I moved them like that, I don't think my car would make it that far. Which reminds me that I need to look at buying a new car, which reminds me that "Oh yeah! I have no fucking money." And then the cycle repeats itself.
Excuse me while I go pound my head against the wall for a few hours.
Five things I am grateful for:
1. Starbucks (it got my daughter to go shopping with me today. ;-) )
2. The sound of the birds singing outside my window in the morning. It makes waking up a more peaceful thing.
3. Music. Seriously... life would be empty without it.
4. Days off.
5. Finding fabulous recipes that everyone in my house enjoys. Especially when they're relatively healthy!
What did I cross off my list today?
.
I made a list of what I needed for my emergency first aid kit (which also is our regular first aid / medical kit). I went through everything we currently have, threw out anything old or expired, crossed off what I already still had, and then went and bought the rest.
I also cleaned out my fridge.
What did I do today that makes me happy?
Took my daughter to Starbucks and drank coffee while we shopped for mundane household things. :)
I also got my last massage today. It was 90-minutes long. I was pretty happy.
What made me laugh?
The following exchange between my son and daughter:
To set the scene: The three of us are sitting on my couch (it's actually more of a loveseat). He's showing her how to copy music from my music folders onto her iPod library. She drops the mouse on the floor.
Son: "You dropped the mouse."
Daughter (without missing a beat): "You are a mouse and you should be eaten by a cat."
Tell me that's not hilarious!
What new thing did I learn today?
You know those colors you see when you close your eyes? The phenomena is called "phosphene". You can read more about it Here.
What physical activity did I do?
I cleaned my kitchen pretty good, which is a workout in and of itself.
How was my diet?
Breakfast was horrendous (leftover pizza). However, I made homemade Zuppa Toscana. I no longer use the half & half in it. I also use a ton of kale. It might not be the healthiest thing, but it's better than much of the stuff I make!
What inspired me? Why?
I guess just getting stuff done. Nothing specific. Being able to spend time with my kids. :)
I made it through a week. Nope, this isn't an April Fool's Day joke. I'm not witty enough for those. Looking back, I got 4/7 posts done, which is actually okay I think. More than I expected, really. So I'm happy with that. I need to get better about crossing stuff off my list, but I've gone a bit crazy with my sleep today and yesterday, since the kids are on Spring Break and I can actually sleep in. I've been taking advantage of it while I can. =)
Five things I am grateful for:
1. Sunshine so I could walk to work.
2. Coworkers that look out for me.
3. Subtle pranks that aren't blatantly obvious.
4. A quiet day at work today, despite it being April Fool's Day.
5. The strange shit my kids and their friends listen to.
What did I cross off my list today?
.
Nothing. :(
What did I do today that makes me happy?
I walked to work. I love doing that, even if my eyes get all goopey with allergies.
What made me laugh?
Whatever this crazy crap my son and his friend are listening to...
What new thing did I learn today?
That if you (or your son, because it's April Fool's Day) change the date on your computer to a date 17 years ago... Firefox won't open any websites.
What physical activity did I do?
I made it 15 minutes on my treadmill. I did the 30 minutes just fine my first day, and then it went downhill from there. I'm determined to work my way back to it, though.
I am also walking to work today, and if the weather holds, I will walk home as well. For those who don't know, I have to walk about a half mile up a hill. It's a steep hill. Part of it is so steep they put stairs in. LOL
* I didn't walk home. Not because I didn't want to, because I really did. My coworker/pal gave me a ride home after the super creepy guy at work kept making eye contact with me, to the point where I was afraid he thought I was actually making eyes at him. Since he knows my route home, and walks this same way often, my friend and I weren't really comfortable with me walking home tonight. =/ I'd much rather lose out on a mile walk, then have to potentially deal with him, though.
How was my diet?
I ate breakfast- just your basic bacon and egg breakfast burrito. I cut some green onions and fresh basil into it. I need to get to the store to stock up on more veggies. I can't wait until the market here opens and the Farmer's Market is in swing again, so I can just pick up fresh produce on my way home.
I did make a smoothie full of fruits and a couple of carrots. I need to get to the store and replenish my supply of kale/spinach.
What inspired me? Why?
This talk by Ash Beckham
Really- take the 11 minutes and watch it. Yes, it talks about lesbianism, but it's not just that. It is relevant to all people. We all have closets. We all have hard talks we have to have.