~A Bitter Swallow~

Just as things suck for you- there is always someone out there who has it worse.  That fact doesn't make your hardship any easier.  Don't judge.  Don't invalidate. 

**Warning- this is a long post.  If you want to read it all I suggest you grab a coffee or tea, go to the restroom first, and get in a comfy spot.  

What I want to write about here is my opinion on all of this.  Note-  I said MY opinion.  You can disagree with me all you want.  That's fine.  That's YOUR opinion.   It's okay for them to be different. I also want to point out that I say a lot of "You" "Everyone" "Our" in this. This is done in order to make it easier for me to get my thoughts down without worrying about being specific.   It is meant as a collective and not as a blanket statement.  I'm not saying any type of  "If you think <this way> than you are an idiot that should have been swallowed" or anything like that.  If you find yourself reacting to these words and taking them personal,  then maybe you need to take a step back, take a breath, and remember that this is not written toward you.    I don't even know who you are (unless you comment or tell me).  Or maybe you just need to read it another time.  Or maybe this thought-dump just isn't for you.  That's okay too.

In the beginning of March of this year I heard about this virus that was basically like a suped-up flu.  I hadn't met anyone affected by it, so like most people I figured it was just media hype.   Then I started hearing about how other countries were going into quarantine; their hospitals were overflowing, and doctors were having to make decisions about who was worth trying to save and who wasn't.   But, this is America.  That won't happen here.   

Then I started reading about how they were starting to close things down.  I read that my workplace would be closing at the end of the next week.  I went back to work on Monday, expecting to work through the week.  By the time I left my shift on Monday, we had been told we were closing by the end of the day, and that was it. Get our stuff and go home and stay there.  

But- everyone knows this story.  And everyone knows what comes next.  Absolute panic and chaos.  People went insane.  Government went insane.  Everyone and every thing was insane.  

Do I think we needed to take precautions to slow the spread of this thing?  Yes.  I absolutely do.  Do I think they went about it the right way?  Nope.  Do I blame them?  Yes and no.   Everything about this got out of control.  Our government was watching other countries almost fall apart, and it was coming our way.  They knee-jerk reacted, and while the idea / theory behind closing everything down made a certain amount of sense, the way they did it did not.  Keeping fast food restaurants open as "essential" and allowing hoards of people into Walmart and Fred Meyer while closing down small businesses who may only have one or two people in them at a time normally was asinine.   If you are going to close down the country, then CLOSE IT DOWN.   Yes, obviously grocery stores and pharmacies  ARE essential.  We need to eat and take our life-saving medications. But even those could have been restricted in a way that allowed access without so much interaction. Instead, being told that we were basically all grounded and not allowed to go anywhere-but allowing things like big corporate stores, coffee stands, and fast food places to stay open -made us act like tween-agers and sneak out whenever we could to wherever we could.  If it was open, people flocked there.  Those businesses are not trained to deal with things like population control in their buildings.  These retail workers were suddenly expected to police how many people went into their stores and how close they got, many of whom felt that the shut down was bogus and unnecessary.. Did they do that?  Fuck no.  I don't expect them to.  That kid is like 17 years old.  He's not going to be able to stop the mob, and he probably doesn't care.  LOL  

And if they weren't going shopping and getting coffee and lunch, they were buying up all the toilet paper, sanitizer, bleach cleaners, bread yeast, and flour  and then yelling at anyone who dare go for a walk alone outside in the fresh air. 

Then you have all of the misinformation that started flying everywhere.  In typical sensational fashion, news media and other "news" outlets started reporting "information" that had been shared with them, without fact-checking it first before feeding it to the masses.   Finger pointing is happening all over.   Conspiracy theories abound.  Covid-19 was manufactured by the government and Bill Gates working in cahoots.  There really is no covid-19.  We need to wear masks.  Wearing masks is bad.  You can't touch anything or else you'll get sick.  Covid-19 isn't spread on surfaces.   You shouldn't even leave your house.  Go outside and take a walk and get fresh air.  Practice social distancing.  The only way is herd immunity so go expose yourself.  

I think what happened is that our government saw something bad happening, had no idea how to stop it, panicked, and just reacted badly.  It's like when you are frying something on your stove and it catches on fire.  This has never happened to you before.  You've heard about this kind of thing before, and you've seen horror movies about it, but you don't know what you are actually supposed to do.  You panic, look around wildly, and grab the glass of water that is next to you because water puts out fire, right?   So you throw that on the fire, but it's a grease fire, so it only makes it worse.  Now more things are on fire. It's spreading. One of your towels that your kid made you is on fire, so you try to put that out, but the curtains and wall are on fire, and should probably be put out first.  No fire department is coming to help you, but one neighbor is yelling at you to do this, your other neighbor is telling you to do this instead, your husband is saying they are all overreacting and you need to do this, and all the telling and yelling is garbling in your panicked brain.  Eventually, as some efforts work and some don't, you get the fire under control and eventually put out.  But now your kitchen is a mess and much of it needs to be replaced.  In hindsight, you realize that if you had just put the lid on the pan, or threw some flour on it, it would have been better.  That you should have accessed where the major damage was happening instead of focusing on the littler things that maybe mean more to you, but were actually small in the bigger scheme of things.  Now that you've been through it, you can look at what went right and what went wrong, and craft a plan for the next time it might happen so that you can be better prepared and react calmly and rationally.

So, do I blame them for what went wrong?  Yes, because they are to blame.  Do I fault them for it?  No.  I think that damage control could have started sooner, but I know what it's like to be completely overwhelmed, not knowledgeable in the subject even though you are the one having to make decisions, and having all of these "experts" and "advisors" telling you conflicting information and expecting you to make the right choice.  I don't think it was solely the government's fault, but a combination of a bunch of people reacting in a panic mode.  

Then-  when everything is starting to slowly reopen-  a police officer kneels on a black man's neck, ignoring his pleas that he cannot breathe, and kills him.   Once again (understandably) the people go up in arms.  

Now with this one- I fully support BLACK LIVES MATTER.   I couldn't give an ounce of a fuck about what someone's skin color is, what gender they are or identify as, etc...  I judge people on how they treat me and others.  Period.  As far as I'm concerned-  as a human being -that is the way it should be across the board.  Unfortunately it's not.  

So now instead of panic buying of toilet paper, protests are becoming riots in the streets.  Police forces are pepper spraying kids and shoving old men onto the ground.  Businesses are being smashed and looted.  More chaos, and once again the people are divided. No one is taking responsibility and everyone is pointing fingers.  

Here's my take on all of this.  Let me first state that I am fully aware that I am a "privileged" white girl, and I will NEVER understand what it's like to be judged because of the color of my skin.  What I will say is that I know what it's like to be judged , ostracized, and even attacked because of my religion.  Not the same, but it gives me a small taste.  I'm also aware that it is something that I am able to hide in order to protect myself.  People cannot hide the color of their skin.  

I understand the BLACK LIVES MATTER movement.  I understand that it is not saying that their lives matter more than others, but that they matter JUST AS MUCH.   I saw a meme that compared the black lives matter to the rain forests.  It basically explained it as:  If I tell you that the Amazon matters and needs saving-  you don't throw at me that ALL forests matter and need saving. You understand that we cry SAVE THE AMAZON because that is what is currently in danger.  Of course all of the other forests matter, but this is the one that needs our help right now.  Same applies for black lives matter.  

Peaceful protests do not work.  Very, very rarely does a peaceful protest do shit to create needed change.  Look at how and why America even started, for fuck's sake!  So I understand that when peaceful doesn't work, then you step it up.   You have to MAKE them listen to you.  To know that you mean business and you are willing to do what it takes to not only be heard but to be listened to. 

I've watched the news for years, and I've seen the violence perpetrated against black people.  I've seen how they are automatically assumed to be more dangerous that their white counterparts.  It's disgusting to me how this is still an issue right now.    I've never had to warn my kids to make sure they don't put their hands in their pockets or to never play with a toy gun.  I've never had to worry that someone was going to see my son and automatically assume danger, and retaliate before confirming. 

Our police are supposed to "protect and serve", but there are those who are there for the power, and it's obvious.  I hear people shouting that police are also abusive towards white people... as if that excuses their behavior toward the black person   Are we supposed to believe that it's okay that George Floyd was killed over being accused of stealing $10 because a white man was also beaten by the cops the other day?   Um....  

Police brutality is a thing.  HOWEVER... I also know that most cops are good people just trying to help their community and make a living.   But it's becoming a common enough occurrence that it does really need to be scrutinized and re-looked at.  Police who abuse the system need to go.  If you are using excessive force consistently, then you're fired.  I understand things might get a little rough when it's not going smoothly, and that things happen.  DEATH should not be one of them (unless the officer's or someone else's life is actually being threatened of course).   De-escalation tactics should be one of the first things driven into an officer's arsenal.  Staying level headed in spite of horrifically chaotic situations should be another.  Being able to correctly assess threats.  Now, I know there has also been a lot of violence perpetrated out of the blue on police, so they are understandably on guard and maybe a little on edge.  But their training should include this sort of shit so that they can deal with it rationally instead of in a panic.  I'm seeing too many "accidental" shootings because the officer reacted first instead of accessing the situation rationally 

Enter the idea of defunding the police.  Now I' will admit that I don't know much about this.  From what I've read I understand that they are not talking about abolishing the police force, but redistributing funds to help bring more funds to other agencies that should be dealing with some of the issues our police and other emergency systems are having to face that are out of their area of knowledge.

If that is the case, then I am for this- but on a much larger scale.  I do believe that the police force needs to be looked at- including their union that not only allows but fights to get abusive police back on the force.  The union should be protecting those officers who see something wrong, but are afraid to speak up for fear of retaliation.  THOSE are the ones who should be being fought for.  But I think THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT needs to be peeled apart and looked at.  Our schools are sorely underfunded.  Our mental health departments are so underfunded it's almost got to be a joke.  And the list goes on.  

So, if they want to take a look at the funding, and redistribute that to also include more mental health services to accompany the police force, then fuck yes.  Police are not trained mental health professionals and neither are prison guards.  It's a disservice to the officers and jailers, the person with the mental health issue, and the communities- to make them act as such.  Get actual mental health professionals to be a regular part of this, so we aren't treating someone who was just having a mental episode (like screaming at people because his meds got fucked up and now his schizophrenia is back) as criminals.  Treat them as patients and get them the help they need in a place that knows how to treat them-  not stuck in a prison cell.  Reassess how officers are trained, and make dealing with mental health a bigger part of the training. Have training regarding equality (in all areas) be standard.  Have partnerships in place so that the emergency services and mental health professionals actually work more hand in hand.  I don't understand why this is such a hard concept for people to understand and get behind. 

What I do understand is that people are sick of being taxed to death for frivolous spending.  Instead of stepping back and looking at the funding given, where it is being used, whether it's being used properly, seeing where adjustments need to be made-   they just add new taxes.   

(Fair warning-  I'm about to get really ranty)

I don't care whether they are Democrat, Republican, or whatever.   Our entire governmental system has gotten completely out of control and so beyond what they were originally created for that it's disgusting.  Politicians care more about what it's going to do for their power, control, and pocketbooks before what it will do for the people.  Our Congress members sit in there for decades, getting further and further out of touch with the real world.  They get paid obnoxious amounts of money (especially when you factor in pensions and medical benefits) and most of the time they don't even do their fucking job!  They fight with each other, each "side" crying that the other one won't budge, declare a standstill, and then take a three -month paid vacation and go have cocktails with each other.  The people no longer trust their government, and that my friends is a problem. 

In my humble opinion-  we need to tear the whole fucking government system down and rebuild it from the ground up.   Term limits need to be set for every section of it.  I'm not saying a Senator cannot become President because he's already served four years in the senate.  I'm saying that they need to have limits on how long they stay in any one position. I'm not sure why our Congress can stay indefinitely while our President cannot (not that I want the President to be able to preside forever... not at all).  Where and how things are funded needs to be audited, super analyzed, and redistributed where they are needed and where it makes sense.  This should be looked at and redone every damn year.  Or at least every couple.  Things change, and the funding needs to shift as well.  In all aspects of government.  And you should not be able to vote on your own promotion and raises.  That is just ridiculous. 

I'm not saying that I would be able to do this, because I sure as fuck can't.  But there are people who can.  When the audit comes up, it needs to be done by people/companies who are in no way associated with or compensated by any governmental agency outside of the work they are doing at that moment.  Nor should the compensation be so outrageous that they are being "bought off".  I also think it should be done by more than one.  

I don't know how the internal workings of the government and governmental agencies work, so obviously I'm not an expert.  I'm not saying that I have all the answers, but I do know that what we have right now IS NOT WORKING.  "We the People" have become so divided on so many issues that we cannot see anything other than "black" or "white" (no pun intended).  There are no grey areas anymore.  No one is willing to compromise, because we've been made to believe that compromise means that we've caved or changed our minds on "what side we are on".  It's an act of betrayal to try and listen to, understand, and (gasp) maybe even find common ground with someone whose thoughts are not the same as yours. 

I want to know what happened to the art of compromise.  What happened to actually working together for a common cause?  What happened to regular unbiased evaluation and updating as needed?  What happened to remembering that we are all individuals, with individual ideas and beliefs, and that in order to work we have to come to listen to one another, try and understand (even if we don't agree) and figure out where the common ground is so we can build from that?   What happened to being able to change your mind with new information?  What happened to being able to understand where someone else is coming from and respect that without feeling like it has to change or is a betrayal to your opinion?  Why have we gone so far that we have reverted to our grade school selves bullying each other and calling each other names because we don't know how to process emotions and problem-solve yet?  

Things are not black or white.  Not only this way or that way.  There is so much in-between.  So much where we have to overlap, come together, and make things work.  There is so much grey that needs to be seen and appreciated.   Then, we can put the color back into the world.   I don't have the answers on how that can happen.  I just know that we need to figure it out, and we need to figure it out soon.