~A Bitter Swallow~

  I posted this on my writing site, but thought it was cute enough to share here as well.  I decided that I was going to make my kids go to the lake, whether they like it or not! *

I took my kids to the lake today. After spending some time playing with his sister in the water, my son found a group of his friends and wandered off to hang out with them. My daughter lounged on the blanket with me in the sun. I motioned to my notebook, which I had brought with me to write in, and pointed out the entirely blank page. My daughter picked it up and began writing "Blah Blah Blah" on the pages. I was then talking to her about an art project I thought we should try. She picked out words from our discussion and wrote them down. The words were: Word, Blah, Dry, Spray Paint, and Glue Gun. I told her she now had to write a story out of those five words, which she readily did. We then spent the next hour or so giving each other a group of words to create a short, paragraph-or-so long story out of. The only rule was that all words had to be used, and we could not alter the word in any way (no pluralization or anything). The following is the result of such hour:




1st- Daughter's

Words: Word, Blah, Dry, Spray Paint, Glue Gun



One time a glue gun met a spray paint bottle and they spray painted the door. It didn't dry, so the glue gun did its magical powers and said one word. The word was "Blah", and the door dried.



2nd- Mine

Words: Paint, Crab, Shoe, House



One beautiful, sunny day Rhiannon thought it was too nice to stay in the house. She decided to go take a walk along the seashore. She kicked one shoe off and dug her toes into the sand, then did the same with the other foot. While enjoying the feel of warm sand on her feet, she felt something hard. She looked down and saw an old discarded crab shell. She picked it up and felt the smooth surface. The whole thing was intact and relatively undamaged. She took it home with her to paint and use as a decoration in her tropical themed room.



3rd- Daughter's

Words: Pink, Tired, Bird, Towel, Monkey



One sunny Sunday I went to my pink room and saw a monkey! I grabbed the monkey and went outside. My mom said she made one tire blue. She didn't even notice the monkey I had. We were going to the beach. I got my monkey towel out of the house. When I went outside I saw a blue bird. When we went to the lake it was closed! So we went to Long Lake instead.



4th- Mine

Words: Crush (towards the end of my writing, she informed me it was the brand name of Orange Crush, not the verb), Bag, Car, Phone, Orange



I had always loved the color orange. Everything I had was that color. But, there came a time when I thought maybe it was time to branch out a bit and try new things. When I bought my car, I opted for pink instead. Then I started wearing ruffles and bows, and even blinged out my cell phone! I bought a huge, expensive bag to carry all the stuff I bought in. It was so big it could crush you! I saw myself in the mirror one day, and realized how much I had changed. I ran outside screaming!! I traded my pink car for an orange truck, my blinged out phone for a plain one, my giant bag for a small one, and drank down an Orange Crush! Phew! It's good to be me again!



5th- Daughter's

Words: Dog, Eyeball, Sidewalk, Purple, Flower



One day I got a dog, and the dog's eyeball was purple!! So we walked on the sidewalk to the car to see the doctor. The doctor said that the dog is very special.


"It can turn into anything!"


"Wow!" I said.


"And it can live forever!"


"I love this dog!" I yelled.


Then we went back home and I grew a flower garden.




6th- Daughter's

Words: Sky, Helicopter, Child, Bunny, Elevator



In the sky was a helicopter and a child was stuck on it. I took my huge moving elevator and my flying bunny to rescue the child. I got in it and the elevator went up to the helicopter and the flying bunny flew to us. I told the child to get in and she did. We went down and saved her! Yay!



(Please note that at the end she drew a very cute flying bunny to illustrate her story)



7th- Mine

Words: Bed, Floaty (the little mats people float on in lakes and pools), Shirt, Foot, Purse



Today we went to the lake. My daughter would have probably preferred to stay in bed, but I said "Too bad!" and we went anyway. I grabbed my purse and we all climbed in the car. I stopped for some gas, snacks, and even bought a floaty for each of the kids. My son took off his shirt and sprayed sunblock on. The mist from the spray got on my foot. Then my daughter did the same. Both of them ran to the water and had a great time!





* They wound up having a good time, and reluctantly agreed that it had been better than being closed up in the house all afternoon! 

   My daughter had to do a writing assignment detailing her life from birth to present.   She sat asking me about her past, what we did,  special memories, etc...   And I couldn't remember anything.  The more I sat and watched her hopeful expression the more like an asshole I felt.  Here she was wanting all those cool moments in time, and there was nothing for me to express.

  Well, nothing positive.  There were plenty of "bad" memories.  But no "good" ones.  No vacations, no special occasions, and anything else that happened, I couldn't remember.  It makes me feel absolutely horrible. 

  I want to change that, but I just can't afford it.   And now, I have to weigh that with my own desires.  I really, REALLY want to be a stay-at-home mom.  I always have.  This whole working thing was suppose to be temporary.  But, it's not looking like it's going to end anytime soon, and that's screwing with my mental health.   However, if I ever want to be able to take my kids on an actual vacation, I can't stop working.  I have no idea when Dustin is going to go get a job, and unemployment isn't going to last forever, so I have to make sure I have some kind of stable income coming in. 

  I want to give my kids those special memories.  I want them to be able to point to specific moments and saw "That was amazing!".  

New Years
It's that time of year for new resolutions. Okay, it's a little past that time, but I've been lazy busy. Okay... I've been lazy. I was looking over what I'd written last year. All those things I had planned on doing. Some I did, some I tried, some I didn't even attempt other than thinking about it.

I've been writing more, even if it's mostly blogging rather than actual storytelling. But it's more than nothing. I've been reading more, which is fantastic. New stuff and old alike. While my vocabulary isn't necessarily broader, I'm still getting those daily words with which to cram my head with. I have been cooking in more, but not necessarily eating out less. However, I have been trying to make more health-consious decisions when eating out, as well as when cooking at home. I was exercising more, but got discouraged when I wasn't seeing results. I tried, hard, alot... and got nothing. So, now I have to try again. I planted my garden, and tried to keep it tended, but between my brown thumb, the rabbits, and the slugs- it died. I got my son in karate (which he still loves). I got my daughter into choir for awhile, but she doesn't want to do any after school activites (I'll find something eventually!). The kids' dental work is either done, or doing. I got medical insurance. I've been drinking more water.

So- that is 2009 in a nutshell. At least, based off my resolutions for that year. I got maybe half accomplished, and I think that's pretty good. There are some I really wish I'd taken more time to do, but they will be in this years, and maybe this will be thier year. That said- here are some of the things I'd like to get done this year:


1. Write more. I had this last year, but I want to focus more on my stories, not only on my blog. I don't want to spend less time on my blog- just more on the stories.

2. Learn how to use my sewing machine. I would really like to learn how to make some of those clothes, purses, etc that I have the patterns and fabric for in there! All I need is the know-how!

3. Continue to cook more at home, and cook healthy meals.

4. Learn how to shop efficiently for healthy food and snacks.

5. Make it a habit to eat breakfast, and choose (and bring) healthy snacks throughout the day.

6. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise! And not be discouraged if I don't "see" results. Let my body tell me how it's doing, maybe not visually, but internally.

7. Find some new parks. The ones I know of in the area have become dull to me, and even my kids. Time to move on to new and fresh.

8. Find some good hiking trails, and use them; get us all out there, breathing in that fresh air!

9. Go camping. I cannot remember the last time I went, and I miss it.

10. Go out with my family at least once a month. By family, I mean my brother and sisters, and mom and dad. We don't spend as much time together as we use to since I quit partying. I need to have them for dinner, or whatever.

11. Start actually doing all those crafts I bought all the supplies for.

12. Learn how to make more natural, enviornmental friendly products for cleaning, both the house and our bodies.

13. Go see some live music. This shouldn't be as difficult as it's been for me. I know there's live music around here- I am just horrible about finding it.

14. Get the animals to the vet. This is one of those ones that really should have been done last year, but wasn't.

15. Figure out what is going wrong in my son's Language Arts class, and help him rememdy it.

16. Help my daughter understand this math stuff.

17. Give a garden another shot, but read up on it more instead of just jumping in.

18. Model more for Dustin.

19. Get the shed cleaned out, gone through, and organized.

20. Get the boxes in my bedroom cleaned out, gone through, and reorganized.

The kids started school last week. Did I blog about that already? My brain is frazzled and I don't remember. In any event, it went okay, despite my absolute screw-up regarding all facets of the busses. *Sigh* It's better now, I think. Both kids enjoyed thier first week, even though I am not enjoying having to get up at 6am to facilitate thier morning routine. But, it gives me time to facilitate my exercising, which I have been building into my morning routine. It isn't nice, and I really hate myself for it. But, I'm hoping that with time I'll love myself for it. We'll see.

In celebration, we took the kids to the Woodland Park Zoo this past Saturday. It was an okay trip. It started early, and rocky, but we made it through. I spent the day feeling pretty 3rd-wheelish, but overall I think the kids had a good time. It may have run a bit long for them, but it's a learning experience for us next time. As in- next time, PLAN. It's too big to just wander at random. You really need to have a route plotted. But it's a great zoo. We got season passes, so we can try again another time.
Sunday continued Pirate Days in Port Orchard. Well, I guess it's technically known as "Murder Mystery Weekend", but really- we're all there for the pirates. While we missed the big fun stuff that happened on Saturday (while we were at the zoo), we came down Sunday and got to see the children's costume contest, as well as the pet costume contest. It was really quite cute, and I completely agreed with the judge's choices. There were some pretty fantastic costumes. Judging by the attire worn by the adult party-goers, I am rather disappointed that I missed the adult contest. While we were there though, we got a program for an event in Oregon this coming weekend, which we just might go to after I get off work Saturday.

So, another week has started, and is now about half-over for me, which I am thankful for. I enjoy my job, but I need to readjust to this morning wakeup stuff. I'm still trying to track down what time my son's bus arrives in the morning, but other than that things seem to be going smoothly. Tonight is his open house, so I'm planning on stopping by the office and seeing if I can get time verifications while I'm there.

I was in my room grabbing one of the many hair ties that wind up on my headboard when I go to bed (they were all over there this morning), when I noticed that I have accumulated just about as many books over there as well. Books I've read and finished, and then started the next, only to pile them ontop of each other. There is actually a fine collection of dust covering them now.
This, in turn, reminded me how severely I've been neglecting my thaydra.com website. I use to be pretty regular about posting my book reviews. Now, I'm afraid to even go look at when the last one I posted was, because I'm sure I've read a dozen more that I will have to go back and remember.

Or, I could just start anew, which may be what I do. Starting anew is usually a good thing.

On another note, that is somewhat similar in an entirely different way, I am expecting my son to ask to stay with his dad once the school year starts, too. This thought has given me much stomach upset over the past week or so. It's gotten me rather emotional, I must admit. And it is forcing me to view things from more than just my heart. But it makes me weep, as I did after dropping him off after his doctor appointment yesterday when he said he wanted to go "home" and not to my house. Granted, I know he only wanted to go to his dad's so he could play on the computer, and it had nothing to do with me, myself. He told me as much. But it was the fact that he called that house "home", and mine "your house". Nails in the coffin. Or on the blackboard. It still tore.

I have a need to get out of the house and do something. But everything I attempt to do I find blocked from me. I was going to dig up the front yard and put in a flower bed. However, the ground just isn't giving enough to let up for me. Not to mention, I realized I should probably build it up, instead, to deter the dog from running in it, or using it as his personal bathroom. So I went to the local Lowe's to price materials. It's not horrible, but out of my range at the moment. So, that is put on hold.

There really isn't much to do in my garden that I don't do in the first 15-20 minutes I'm up in the morning while I wait for my coffee. Well, considering how it's going, I'm sure there's tons for me to do, I just don't know what. So, I guess I could browse the Internet for ways to help it, but that is counter-productive to my goal of getting away from this damn thing.

So what am I doing? Sitting here bitching about it on my blog.

By the way, I'm in need of some heavy machinery. Anyone got some? I need to clear out my backyard of all the overgrown grass, brush, and blackberry vines from ground that is lumpy and full of holes. It's scary back there, but would be so nice if I could get it cleared. So much potential! I'd love to throw a little picnic bench out there, and I think there is a perfect hammock area as well. How naive we were when we moved in as to how much actual work this was going to be. The work isn't the issue though, it's being able to get ahold of the stuff we need to get it done. It's way too much to be done by hand.

Ok, I'm going to go figure out something to do besides sit in this chair and stare at my screen. My stuff on Facebook is done, the blogs I follow are read, my email checked, my bills paid. Time to get outside into that sunshine, even if I just sit there and read!

It occured to me the other day that I haven't blogged on here in awhile. I'm sure there are dozens of millions of you out there just dying to know what in the world I've been up to! Ok.. so maybe I'm letting my head get a bit out of kilter, but I hope there is at least someone out there who looks at this. hehe...

Anyways.. to answer that begging question.. well, not a whole hell of alot. I've been doing a little bit of writing, albeit most of it is still in my head. I've got a snippet of it on my thaydra.com website, but be advised that the entire thing there is probably already rewritten... at least in a different context. But I think it's a pretty interesting storyline, and it's gone round in my head enough for me to think I may just get something done with this one.

We had our Ants in your Pants dance party at the library here last evening. I had to work it, but I brought the kids down, and they had a blast. I didn't even know my daughter could hula hoop! She won second place in their contest! LOL. She didn't stop from the moment we got here until the moment we left. Even when the music was not playing, she was still moving. My coworkers got a kick out of it. My son enjoyed himself too, but maybe not to the extent his sister did. But I saw him out there dancing and jumping around as well.

I'm going to be in our annual 4th of July parade this year with my coworkers. I get to be the letter "E". And I'm a book. Figure that one out. Or just come down and watch. It's going to be on June 28th, in Port Orchard. What fun it will be! And the fair will be in town, so I'm sure we'll end up there.

Ok.. that's about all the excitement I can type for right now. I have to actually go work before I go home!

Some parents just amaze me at their utter disregard for their children. So many people seem to view the Library as a large daycare. They bring their kids in and just let them run rampant, usually while the parent cruises around on the Internet. Meanwhile, their child starts to get bored, and cranky. Often-times it's little tike, a toddler or baby, stuck in their stroller or on the parent's lap.



Then the parent gets irritated because the child is interrupting their Internet usage. It flabbergasts me that they bring in these young kids and expect them to keep still and quiet for son long. Usually there is not even anything brought in to entertain the child.



Now, I can understand the parent that is here because they have no Internet access at home, and need to check email or apply for a job or work on a resume.. etc etc . But most of these parents I see are just browsing their MySpace pages and looking at other people.



Many of these people, stereotypically I know, seem young and rather uneducated. Not ready for having a child but with one anyways. Now, I'm saying nothing against that.. I was not ready and had one anyways. Hell, I had two. But I don't bring them out in public and expect them to act like angels when they are bored and tired. Especially when they are at an age where anything that is not selfish is not even cognitively possible for them. When I take my kids out, I try to make sure I am aware of how tired they are, or may get. How bored they will be and if I have to be out, try and find them something to do that is entertaining, even if it's letting them bring a toy or something.



Parents.. your kids come first. Even before you. Respect them. Do you enjoy being dragged into someplace where you are stuck and unable to do anything even remotely enjoyable while someone else screws around doing nonsense stuff? Think about it.

There is a house down the street from me. It is a cute little two-story thing, reminiscent of a doll-house. They have been working on it lately, giving it a new paint job of a pretty blush pink with some nice dark lavender trim. There are brightly colored flowers blooming out front, with the cozy seating area.

My daughter has always thought of this house as "the dollhouse". The other day we were driving by, and I was pointing out some of the new additions I had noticed. We had just picked her two girlfriends up and were coming back to our house. As I pointed out the house, she chimed:

" I like it lots better pink and purple. When it was blue it was scary.. like a scary haunted dollhouse, with zombie barbies..."

She then proceeded to imitate what a zombie barbie would look like. Her and her friends then went on to create a scenario of how they would act, how they would eat each other until they were all zombies and then they would be friends again.....


*******************************************************************************


Later on that same afternoon, while the kids were playing, my son and the oldest of the two sisters were downstairs co-oberating on how they would stage my son's death to scare the younger two (my daughter and the other sister). They were complete with finding the Nerf dart gun, and sticking the dart square on my son's head.. they were using a light saber to stage a stabbing... (is that what it's called when you are stabbed with a light saber?).

My daughter, the sneaky one she is, comes creeping down the stairs, complete in her pretty pink dress, white stockings and black patent baby doll shoes, armed with a long plastic sword. She motions with her finger for me not to give her away as she sneaks down the hall, and then- while my son and the oldest sister friend are still plotting how to scare the crap out of the younger two with his faked death, my daughter pounces and starts to slash him with her sword.

She even makes the "shlllish, shlllish" noises of the sword slicing through him....

It was hilarious.




*********I really need to get video set up in my house..............

So this past Saturday we had the kids' birthday party. We took them to the new skating rink here in town, and let them invite some friends. My daughter had four of her friends there. They had a great time at the skating rink, with lots of pizza, soda, video games, cake, presents, and of course- skating. My kids both went out and did the hokey-pokey and the limbo on the rink. It was great. I tried to go out and skate. I wound up hugging the wall the entire time, and even jammed my finger and elbow while out there. I am not thinking I'll be going back out on the rink anytime soon.

But I digess...

Anyways. My daughter remembered my offer that day to have all her girlfriends spend the night at my house that night. Don't ask me what I was thinking, because I clearly wasn't. So she hits me up to let them stay, she runs it by her dad (since it's his weekend with the kids, and it would be at my house), and he okays it, so I end up with five eightish-year old girls all spending the night at my little duplex. Oh.. my...

They played alright at first. Then they fought. Then they cried. Then they fought. Then they played. Rinse- repeat. All night. And then again all morning. Holy moley! I thought I was going to have a breakdown!

But of course, the next morning while going home, they stated that they all had a fantastic time! So I guess overall it was a success. And everyone is alive, albeit probably a few less sane brain cells. Twister wound up being a great hit. I didn't even know we had that game!

I came to work yesterday, and began searching for books on activities for girls during slumber parties. I am sure I must have been flubbing my search somehow, because there were suprisingly very few. I did find one here at my branch though, and I checked it out. I paged through it last night, and it seemed to have some pretty cute ideas. It is my vision to run it past my daughter, and perhaps even my son, since most were rather unisex activities (and my daughters friends all seem to have crushes on her brother, and like to encorperate him into thier play). Then, with thier imput, and my realism, type up the ones we like into my laptop and save them for the next sleepover.

We'll see how that works out! All I know is that the next time I mention having that many girls over for the night, that I am to be immediately taken to the nearest psychiatric institution, no questions asked! LOL

So, I'm thinking it's time for me to seriously look into getting some tutors for my kids. While I am going to school (kind of) for early childhood education, right now it is focusing on opening a daycare, with a chance of later becoming a full-blown teaching degree. But that is still a few years away, and I am struggling with helping my own children now. And let's face it, while I will love and cherish the kids I care for, and strive to give them the best of an education that I can while they are in my care--- the most important ones to me are my own kids.

My son, while a whiz kid at math and science, has horrible struggles with reading and writing. I've tried to give support and encouragement, and strive to find ways to get him more excited about them. However, it doesn't seem to be quite enough. He still has little confidence (or, it seems, real care) about reading and writing.. even when he finds topics that thrill him. Perhaps with a little one-on-one tutoring with a professional, he will gain that confidence that may not push into full blown love of reading and writing, but at least make him comfortable with the idea of it.

My daughter, the little artist, abhores math. She just cannot seem to wrap her little mind around those complicated mathematical concepts, ie: 4 quarters = $1.00, or there are 60 seconds in a minute. Anything mathematically equated is archaic to her. I can't say I feel any different on them (although I can do money and time, but those shapes and angles and such... no way!). Her brother helps her as much as he can.. but it's the grasping of these simple concepts that I would like her to obtain.

Problem is, where do I go? Do I go someplace expensive like the Sylvan institute? Or hire a honor-roll high school student? It's not like I really have a whole lot of money to throw at this, especially with also wanting to get them into various extra-ciricular activities, like karate and dancing, singing, scouts (both of them), etc.

I've taken advantage of thier love of the computer by checking out numerous games that are suppose to help sharpen thier skills with various subjects. Right now I have one that teaches spelling concepts, including silent letters, plurals, etc etc. So far it seems to be going ok, as far as thier interest in it, but we'll see how long the interest lasts, or if the ciriculum sticks in thier brains.

Anywho.. that is what was on my brain for the time being. Guess I'll have to do a bit of research on where to go with it.. but I do know it's time to do something about it, before it gets too frusterating for them.

Now, like most kids, some pretty interesting and funny (not to mention many times scary) things have come from the precious lips of my dear children. My daughter most definitely seems to have the more twisted line of thought processes.

Just a couple days ago, my two children, my boyfriend and myself were around our fish tank oogling the appearance of a cute little baby fish. My boyfriend and I were discussing a previous batch of babies that had mysteriously disappeared overnight one night, and our sneaky suspicions of a less-than-treasured shark we have haven eaten them. We then began discussing how he doesn't seem to be growing though. My daughter, being 7 years old, and paying attention at the times you would least expect, tells us in a more-than-I-know-it-all way, "Well DUH.. it's a SHARK!!" , because of course, that is OBVIOUSLY why it must have eaten those cute little babies. Some adults.. (insert shaking of head). She proceeds to ask questions about how big the shark will get. Dustin (my boyfriend) shows her, by demonstrating size against the tank, how big it will get ( estimated at 3 feet). She then gets an evil little grin on her face, licks her lips, and promptly asks most vehemently : "When it's that big, can we EAT it???".... *blink... blink*

So, while you chew that one over, I thought I'd share a couple of her more interesting comments...

(let me set the scene...) I am sitting at my computer desk and my kids are sitting in the living room behind me playing with my daughter's barbies on the coffee table. My daughter -who is about 5 or 6 at this time- is playing the "mommy" doll, and my son- who is about 8 or 9- is playing the "kid" doll. (Now, at this point, I must for my son's sake inject that his beloved sister is the only person that is able to convince him to submit to such doll play. Or any other kind of "girl" play for that matter.) Suddenly, I hear the *mom* exclaim to the *child* : "NO BODY PARTS IN THE LIVING ROOM! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NO BODY PARTS IN THE LIVING ROOM?!?! TAKE THEM OUTSIDE!" The "child" doll pulls the whole "Oh, alright... "
Me- *blink...blink*...*locks bedroom door that night*


Another instance.. again, I am on the computer, and my daughter walks up behind me. "Mom, I bit my lip". She says it calmly.. then she says. "Mom, it's bleeding." I turn around and expect her to freak out.. because she's a 6 year old little girl, and there is blood. Instead.. she starts slurping at her lip.. "Mmmm.... blood is good. I like blood. Blood is yummy." She walks off, still slurping on her lip. I go and hide the knives, and once again lock my bedroom door that night.

My son is pretty low key. Most of his eeriness comes with his play. He is sitting at their table one day playing with his G.I. Joe guys, and his play dough. My boy, at 10, is pretty into the whole army, war, shoot-em-up stuff. So, naturally, he's having a war scene at the table. There is a lot of spittle flying as he gives the sounds effects of rattling gunfire. My boyfriend (not my boyfriend at the time, though) walks over to watch. He let's out something along the lines of "Oh my god... " and tells me I have to come see this, while he runs to grab his camera. I go over, and there is my son's GI Joe, lying sprawled on the table, atop a great gob of red play dough, convincingly spread out to resemble major blood loss from the guy, complete with a dab under his head. That isn't the creepy part. The creepy part is that he was so detailed in his display, that he actual included the splatter from the brain ... "injury". If I remember, and I'm able, when I get home I will find and post that picture. It's... interesting. I wasn't the only one who slept with my door locked that night!

Another time the two of them were playing together: My daughter with her Barbie, my son with his barbie sized GI Joe. Scene of my daughter's Barbie chasing my son's GI Joe.. "I'm a vampire Barbie, and I want to suck your blood!!!!" *insert slurping sounds here*. Then, a few minutes later, both kids, with both dolls, running around slurping the necks of everything exclaiming they are vampires...


So there you have it. Those are some of the things you will see and / or hear from my sweet, adorable, angelic, innocent children. Perhaps the people are right.. maybe they are devil spawn!! That's okay though, I love them anyways. And if nothing else, it definitely keeps us entertained!!