~A Bitter Swallow~

When I was fresh out of high school, I weighed 105 pounds-  115 if I was wet and having a "fat" day.  While seeing others that were overweight didn't bother me, and most of them I still see as beautiful women,  I just couldn't fathom it happening to me.  I would just never let that happen.  I heard the stories of women who gained weight while they were pregnant, and then couldn't get it back off.  I figured that wouldn't happen to me, either.  Heck, I did 2 hours of aerobics every other day for goodness sake.  I would continue to exercise and eat healthy while I was pregnant and keep myself fit and trim. 

I can hear you laughing already.  Ahh... to be 18 again...

Take into consideration the fact that I lived with 6 other people in a house the size of maybe a double garage.  There was no room to work out.  I wasn't in high school anymore with the required P.E. class to work out at.  Not to mention the fact that I didn't realize the severity of a craving.  An honest-to-goodness-gnaw-at-your-bones craving.  For me, it was Snickers and Chicken McNuggets.  Yeah-  not gonna gain weight at all with that diet! 

So, there I was, gaining weight and not caring.  I quickly went into the mentality of "I'm pregnant.  I'm suppose to eat more!"  LOL....  Denial is bliss, sometimes, isn't it?

While I was pregnant with my son, I gained a lot of weight.  Heck, he was 10lbs and 10oz, and 21&3/4 inches long.  He wasn't a small baby.  I gave birth to a linebacker!  But he wasn't the entire reason for all my weight.  It was the general laziness that came over me.  I didn't want to exercise.  Then it got too cold.  I'm sorry, but I am the biggest cold wuss there is on the face of the planet.  I hate it, and it makes me shrivel in a corner and cry.  I'm being almost literal here.  So, too cold for outdoorsey exercise. 

I told you that, at most, I was 115 pounds when I got pregnant.  By the time I had him, I was tipping the scales at 190. 

I did manage to lose quite a bit of that weight.  I actually probably got down to what most would consider a "normal" weight afterwards.  I was around 140.  At 5'6" this tends to be an acceptable weight.  It wasn't for me.  I got pregnant again, gained a bunch of weight again, and got back down to around 140-150.  Again- probably more acceptable for most.

Not for me.

I'd lived my life as this skinny little minnie, and now all I could see was flub.  I'm back at the 180-190 mark again.  No babies this time.  No "excuses" this time.  What is crazy is when I think back onto when I was at the 140-150 mark.  I thought I was huge.  I actually saw myself as I look now.  I understand the visual "hallucinations" anorexics see in the mirror, although I've never been anorexic.  Because I had them. 


All of this is leading up to that one important question:  What am I going to do about it?

If you have read my blog, or if you know me personally, you might know about the recent scare I had with my kidneys.  Mind you, I had already come to the conclusion, and the action, of changing my diet and getting a bit more exercise.  More veggies, less junk food in the house, and walking to and from work feels good.  So, that change had already been made.  I'd do about 3-4 days of walking for an hour at a low-moderate pace on my treadmill as well.  However, when I had the scare with my kidneys, it really drove home the fact that I need to start focusing on not just my weight, but on my overall health.  Again, I had already made this conscious decision, but this really proved it to me in a way that made it stick. 

I've taken on a morning and evening routine of light exercise.  25 crunches, 25 knee-push ups, 25 upper leg lifts, 25 lower leg lifts, 25 side crunches, 25 more push ups, 25 more upper leg, 25 more lower leg.  It's not much, but it's a start.  We've continued to eat better (if you just go ahead and discount this entire holiday season... we'll just pretend all that didn't happen).  I've continued to walk to work as much as possible, but it hasn't been as much as I'd like.  Life sometimes just gets in the way of that.  And my treadmill has been unplugged, so time to remove the Christmas tree so I can plug it back in again.     I need to get back on that thing.  I need to steal my daughter's Ipod, learn how to download audiobooks/ebooks to it, and start walking.  Hopefully advance to jogging, and maybe someday running. 

I think I've lost sight of my original intention for this blog post.  I don't remember what my 'moral-of-the-story' was intended to be.  But, I guess it boils down to the fact that one of my new year resolutions is to take charge of not just my weight, but my overall health.  Physical, mental, emotional.  I have plans to help me obtain some of those.   I'll post another blog concerning the more nitty grit of that in a bit.