~A Bitter Swallow~

I've come to the conclusion that work makes me fat. Not physical work- but having a job work. You laugh. I'm serious.



I didn't use to be this big. Nope. I had gained weight after the kids, and I still looked huge to myself in the mirror. What is crazy, is that what I use to see in the mirror and bulk at- Well, that's pretty much what I am now. Sometimes that makes me feel better, because I think that maybe I'm actually seeing more than what is really there. Other times it makes me shudder, because I can't believe I let this happen.



Anyway- I'm going off course.

I've done a lot of thinking over the past several weeks. And something I've come to realize is that I am tons more productive at home when I am not working. Not only do I cook, but I bring down those cookbooks and find new recipes and actually COOK. I clean the house.. not just pick it up. I organize. I get into those overcrowded spaces and clear them out. I go through those hundreds of still-packed boxes and unpack or get rid of them. Man, do I need to do that. I get outside and walk. I have more patience when it comes to my kids, and their homework. I can volunteer at their schools and events and not feel like I'm pressing myself thin. I devote more time to things. I am not so exhausted by the time I get home that I want to just sit and veg. I crank up the radio and sing and dance my way through the day. I actually enjoy doing the housework and such. I loved having my boyfriend and kids come home to a clean house, knowing what I was making for dinner that night (if not having already started it), feeling accomplished at having tackled and finished projects.

Don't get me wrong. I love love love my job. It's the best I've ever had. The atmosphere is wonderful. My coworkers are wonderful. Even the patron's are great. But, I'm a lazy person. And when I get home, or on my days off, I don't want to do anything outside of the "needs-to-be-done".

So, now I need to figure out how to live in both worlds, and be both people. How do I mesh the person I am when I'm not working into the person I am while I am working? Somehow, take all that energy that I have when not working, and keep it going for when I get home, or have the day off. It's not like I'm going to be able to completely quit working anytime soon (try never), so I've got to figure something out. Anyone have any suggestions?