~A Bitter Swallow~

I think I thought-vomited in my brain a little bit...

Thought-Vomit

My brain is constantly mumbling and muttering to itself. Sometimes it screams. Sometimes what it has to say is interesting enough to make note of, or is adamant enough that it must come out. I'll put that stuff here. :)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Happy Meds

I think it might be time to call the doctor and look into getting anti-depressents again. It's been a few years since I've been on them, but I know the signs and symptoms, and it feels like they are coming 'round again.

I am just always tired. I have no motivation. I have such a hard time getting myself prepared to go to work. I drag my feet so much! And it's not like I have a crappy job. I have an absolutely wonderful job, with wonderful people. I am so lucky to have it. But, I don't want to go. I want to stay home, clean house, make dinner, etc etc etc. But I can't have that.

I don't feel any desire to read, or write. Those are probably my biggest sign that the depression is settling back in. Things I normally love are no longer of any interest to me.

I've noticed myself burrowing into my hole, not wanting to be social, not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone. I have to force myself into it, mostly for the sake of my kids (such as going to Seattle to the Science Center). If not for them, I'd probably have become a hermit by now.

I know these things are not normal. It's not normal for me to sit here and sulk and find fault with everything about myself. It's not healthy.

So, maybe tomorrow I'll make that phone call.

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