~A Bitter Swallow~

I think I thought-vomited in my brain a little bit...

Thought-Vomit

My brain is constantly mumbling and muttering to itself. Sometimes it screams. Sometimes what it has to say is interesting enough to make note of, or is adamant enough that it must come out. I'll put that stuff here. :)
Monday, June 20, 2011

"Make Peace with Imperfection"

As part of my “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” workbook, I took the “Make Peace with Imperfection” quiz. After 30 questions analyzing how picky I am, I got the outcome:


“You’re fairly easygoing.”

Ok.

What it didn’t do was break down where my perceived imperfections are. So I looked for myself. Most all of my “10” answers (the bad ones) were dealing with my perceptions of myself.

Duh.

I usually see others and see all of their accomplishments. I envy the way they live, speak, dress, look, parent, etc... I can’t see those things in myself. When I do happen across something good, it is short lived. I usually rip it apart within moments.



I think some part of me doesn’t think I deserve to be happy. I know that part of me thinks that. I feel it rear its head every time I honestly smile. Whenever I am at a point where I am honestly happy, even for a moment, it shows up to knock me down a few rungs. To make me question what it is that I’ve done to think that I should be happy. It shows me all those failures, everything that I haven’t done yet.



So yeah… in viewing others, I am very easygoing. But when it comes to me, I am a horrible critic and enemy. I am working towards changing this. It is hard, though.

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