~A Bitter Swallow~

I think I thought-vomited in my brain a little bit...

Thought-Vomit

My brain is constantly mumbling and muttering to itself. Sometimes it screams. Sometimes what it has to say is interesting enough to make note of, or is adamant enough that it must come out. I'll put that stuff here. :)
Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Meh

  Another day of me dragging my feet.  I know I should try to lift my spirits, but the desire to is just not there.  "What is the point?" that nagging voice in my head asks me.  "So that you can be knocked down further?"   I just want to curl up and go back to bed.  I don't want to deal with anything today.  Yesterday I lost my glasses.  They are gone. So even reading is strenuous.  Yet here I am anyway.  I know my way around a keyboard well enough, so I do not worry about my typing.  I can see well enough to notice if I forgot a space or whatnot. 

I almost called out of work today, but I'm not going to.  Part of it is because I fear for how my eyes will do with the computers there.  I am hoping I can change the resolution to a size I can see okay.  But mostly it's because I just don't have any drive or desire to do anything today, other than sit here and mope and feel sorry for myself over stupid things.  I do feel ill, but it's hard for me to tell anymore if it's the depression or an actual illness going on.  The headaches and stomachaches are so frequent that who knows anymore.  I did get the gumption to finally call and make a doctor's appointment yesterday, only to realize that the number is long distance, which I cannot call on my phone.  So, once again, dashed. 

I am sure I bring much of this upon myself.  I am a believer in energies and that you attract what you put out there.  However, even when I've tried my hardest to put forth only positive energy, I still get smacked down.   I'm so tired. 

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