My brain has been on overdrive lately. I've had a lot of things to think about. I had done some spellwork and asked for some things, and I'm overwhelmed at how much has been given to me, in ways I hadn't expected. Sorting through these things is a process, and part of what I need to do in order to fully realize my spell and benefit from its progress.
Mostly I focused on jobs, money, and abundance. I needed things to stabilize, and to feel like I'm moving forward. I also needed the life around me to change- I need to let go of things, to come into my Self and to really focus on me, and what I want in life. I needed negativity and stress around me to diminish, so that I could relax and authentically feel.
Energy moves in mysterious ways, and sometimes that which is bigger than us has a better picture of what we need. Or maybe it's our deep subconscious. I like to think it's both, working together. In any event, sifting through what has been happening since I worked that spell, and seeing how it has indeed worked to give me what I asked for, is a pretty awesome thing. At first I thought it had completely backfired, but once I sat back and allowed things to progress, and to accept that the Goddess knew what she was doing, I really began to reap the rewards and to gain a new appreciation for my sense of Self, of my own magic and power, and for the Universe and our connectivity to it.
I wanted my finances to get better. For this- I focused on getting another job. Well, instead of getting a job right away like I thought would happen, my roommate moved out. Pretty counter-intuitive to what I had asked for, right? But, as I struggled with that- I realized that I wasn't worse off, because she is still taking care of rent while her stuff is still here (and I am unable to re-rent the place). I was still frustrated and more worried, because now I really need a second job. I didn't want to take just anything, though. I wanted something that would still nurture my Self. However, I began to think I would have to let go of that idea, and that I'd wind up in customer service and probably be miserable for awhile, but at least I'd get my bills paid. I remember thinking "I just need a funeral home to need someone in the evenings"... and then laughed, because that's not necessarily a "night job".
Oh, I was corrected. The very next day in fact. A posting came across my email for a "removal techinican", and I thought "You have to be joking..". Sure enough, it's what it sounded like. I sent in my resume. I got an interview. I got hired on the spot. It's unconventional in what I was looking for, in that I don't have a set expectation of what I might make per pay period. That said- it was only extra money to put towards credit cards, so I was okay with that. Now, turns out it will be to keep rent paid, but I'm still okay with that. The job is something I have always been extremely interested in. It is stressful in its own sense, but I'm figuring out how to work through and with that.
Now, I just got propositioned with another possibility. One that comes with much more responsibility, but also probably a pretty decent pay increase. At first, I thought it would interfere with the new job. I was torn, because I thought I had to choose. But, after some serious consideration (and a trip to a palm reader as well as more than a couple cups of coffee while I moaned to various friends about wtf I was going to do...), I realized I can still do both. It will take a little bit of adjustment, but it will work. I don't have to give up one for the other.
It is, in fact, another answer. I didn't want to have to get another roommate. I was dreading it, because 1. I can REALLY use that extra space. and 2. I don't want to deal with having to vet someone new coming into my space, or deal with someone who will constantly want to come hang out with me and talk to me. If I secure this new thing, then I think there's a pretty decent chance that I will be able to completely cover my rent, bills, food... and then use the removal job as it was intended- to pay off my credit card debt. And who knows... will I shift more towards the funeral industry as I get more experience? Maybe. I don't know. I have plenty of time to figure that all out though as I work through everything.
I am grateful right now. I'm grateful that I'm getting clear feedback of my own power. I'm a magical fucking person and I am manifesting the shit out of things. I need this. I will gain control over my life again, and live happily and successfully.
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