~A Bitter Swallow~

I think I thought-vomited in my brain a little bit...

Thought-Vomit

My brain is constantly mumbling and muttering to itself. Sometimes it screams. Sometimes what it has to say is interesting enough to make note of, or is adamant enough that it must come out. I'll put that stuff here. :)
Saturday, November 2, 2019

Removal

Well, my first pay period with the new job is done.  My first full week on-call netted 5 job calls, logging 13.25 hours.  I'm curious to see what the paycheck will look like.  I'm also curious as to what my numbers will look like once I'm trained up and on rotation by myself instead of going with everyone to learn the ropes.  Will I still get as much action?  Will it be sustainable?  Is it going to do for me what I need it to?

Last night and today were calls to the hospital.  They were pretty straight forward. I'm starting to remember all of the little things.  I'm getting the hang of getting the gurney in and out of the van.  Even when it's got a person on it.  I am beginning to do all the things, and get comfortable with them.  I've still only been on the one house-call, and those are what concern me the most.  However, I take comfort knowing I will NEVER be alone on one of those.  But I think I'd be okay doing a hospital run by myself now. 

I was told last night that I actually look happy.  I guess I am happy.  I'm happy I got a job doing something I'm interested in.  I'm happy I'm making plans and goals that are totally attainable.  I'm happy that I feel like life is finally moving forward instead of just stuck in the bog.   Hopefully this momentum continues forward.  I continue to manifest- to put my energy out there.  To make my thoughts actions, and those actions create reality. 




One thing I need to start paying attention to, particularly on the weekends, is making sure I'm eating and drinking water.  Early.  I am so accustomed to just coffee in the morning, and then I will eat a few hours later more towards noon.  Today and last weekend though, I got called in right when I was thinking about making some food.  Today was actually right when I got done at the grocery store buying some veggies I wanted for my scrambled eggs.  So, I didn't eat anything or get any water in me until I got home at 3:15pm.   This is not good.  I'm going to have to get some easy grab-and-go items to have on hand for instances like  this.. that I can maybe keep in my bag with my change of clothes.  Just in case I need to get something in my stomach to sustain me for a couple of hours until I get done and can get home and make something. 

Other than that, I think things are going okay.  I've got some plans for the house after this weekend.  I'm continuing to enjoy my birds and squirrels during my weekend morning coffee (eight crows today!!  🖤 )  I'm hoping to get my backyard to the same level of peacefulness that I have in my front yard, if not more since it's more private. 

I'm still stressed.  It's hard continually being on-call.  I'm never "off work".  My dating life just went down the toilet.  My social life.. well, it can still happen, but I've already been called away during a thing.  By the time I got back it was winding down.   I feel like this is just going to be my reality for awhile.  My friends and family all know what's up, and not only accept it- they seem genuinely interested.   As for the dating-  meh.   I wasn't really doing much of that anyway, at least not without significant eye-rolling.   I think I can do without that for awhile.

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